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Original poster

Grandparents refuse to babysit..

109 replies

Tablelamp · 11/09/2021 20:08

I've been looking for work and my mum and dad said they would be happy to help with the school run and occasional Saturday or sunday with my 7 year old. Would be probably only twice a week, three times at most for an hour or 2 after school and sometimes half a day Saturday. The job is only part time.

My child is well behaved, grandparents live over the road, school is a very short 5 minute walk away.

I'm supposed to be starting work tomorrow, they know this. It was all arranged but today when I was checking in again about tomorrow I got told they hope it's not going to be a regular thing.. they can't commit to it. Even though they told me they where happy to help so I applied for jobs, went to interviews and got a part time office job.

It looks like I can't take the job now. No childcare for the weekend as my oh works every other weekend. The job isn't able to accommodate me not working weekends. I'm so disappointed to have got this far then told no. Shouldn't they have just said no from the start.

I'm even more skint now after paying out for work shoes and interview clothes.

OP posts:
ImFree2doasiwant · 11/09/2021 20:51

This is a lot of childcare OP. Sit down with your partners shifts, and work out what you'd need them to do for the next month. Then ask them straight, with a written down schedule, if they can/are will to do it.

SummerBluez · 11/09/2021 20:51

I feel like if I said to a friend "I don't mind helping out occasionally" I would then be very annoyed if she announced it would be numerous times a week plus half a day every weekend.
Occasionally means now and then.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/09/2021 20:52

Can your OH tweak his hours? You don’t need that much cover that your surely couldn’t figure it between you both.
Yes your parents are being unfair for changing their minds- how transparent were you with your requirements ?

Miranda15110 · 11/09/2021 20:53

Ask them if they'll help out for a finite period say 3 months. If they agree it gives you time to work something out and it might let your parents see that they actually enjoy the time they spend with their grandchild. I've never expected my parents to do anything other than have fun with my son. However they quickly got into a routine and they loved their time with him. Be consistent and make sure you collect when you say etc. Your work might have childcare vouchers that might help?

TheHateIsNotGood · 11/09/2021 20:55

Start the job first OP and look for all the other options available to cover as much childcare as you can, and make sure your parents know you are actively looking into it.

They've offered to help to get you going and that's a very helpful thing to have as a back up, they just don't want to be the main provider and that is really fine. Worry less and good luck OP.

peboh · 11/09/2021 20:55

Occasional isn't every other weekend though. Occasional would be one weekend every month or two. They haven't changed their minds, you just didn't make them aware of what they were committing to.

Unfortunately it's just one of those things. You need to ensure you have committed childcare before you commit to a job.

Shadedog · 11/09/2021 20:57

This is a lot of childcare OP. Sit down with your partners shifts, and work out what you'd need them to do for the next month. Then ask them straight, with a written down schedule, if they can/are will to do it

This

Look for alternative paid childcare such as a childminder or after school club so your parents can help for free some of the time but you still have back up when you need it. Your parents may be more willing to pick up from after school club and have your dc for a shorter time. It’s not ideal financially but better than not working.

Rainbowqueeen · 11/09/2021 20:58

Start the job op. Yes you will have to use some paid care but it’s still worthwhile you working. After school club and a teenager on weekends when dh or parents can’t do it

Your ds won’t be little forever and won’t need to be looked after forever. Once you have a job it will be easier to find another one plus you are contributing to your pension. So many benefits. Once you start looking into it I’m sure you can find a way to make it work. Good luck!!

Lockdownbear · 11/09/2021 20:59

What about DHs parents, could they help?

Start the job.
How flexible is the afterschool near you, some allow people to use it adhoc others need a booked commitment.

How far in advance will you be able to plan the childcare that you need?
Then you can ask you parent can you do xyz days over the next month?

I think it might be worth trying to get a plan B, in the form of a local teen babysitter who can cover any gaps.

DeepaBeesKit · 11/09/2021 21:00

Can you make it work using after school club and only using them occasionally on a weekend? You said it was only occasional weekends, so presumably it's not loads anyway and your OH can cover half the weekends.

Even paying for afterschool club you should still be better off financially, especially if you can build up to full time work with more hours of work when the children are in school & not costing you childcare.

Tilltheend99 · 11/09/2021 21:00

I’m afraid you are living in the past. I have never had a job where the shifts were the same from one week to the next or where it was possible to find out the next weeks rota more than a few days in advance. In the modern world of work getting specific days off is a dog fight. As she hasn’t even started yet she has no leverage to thrash out’ her working hours with the boss though she could try. Working set hours and receiving a set wage every month is the preserve of only a luck few. This doesn’t mean she is entitled to help from her parents but it does mean that the struggle continues.

Lockdownbear · 11/09/2021 21:06

@Tilltheend99 and employers wonder why they can't attract staff (see other thread). In that case it really will be better for the Op to get a student babysitter who could help.

whynotwhatknot · 11/09/2021 21:07

can they at least help out until you find childcare

maybe they thought it would be once eveyr so often not 3 times a week

Nancydrawn · 11/09/2021 21:07

For a 7-year-old, a teenaged babysitter seems very appropriate for a few hours a week.

Could you find a reliable sixth former who would be able to take some of that for £5 or £6/hour? It would be maybe £20-£25 a week, but that would presumably be only a portion of the wages that you'd be earning for those hours and would enable you to work during school at full wage. And as you become more established, you can probably get pickier with hours and maybe even find more established hours.

If you parents could maybe do one Saturday morning a month, then that would be even more helpful.

Bananarama21 · 11/09/2021 21:13

Do you claim uc? You can claim childcare costs back and see if they have an after school club. It sounds like they didn't think it would be regular which can be tying. Weekends i wouldn't want to be tied looking after dc.

cabingirl · 11/09/2021 21:13

Take the job, tell parents that you need them to start with but will look for other options asap.

They might find it less burdensome than they are imagining.

You might need them less than you imagine - depending on how the job ends up arranging the shifts.

Once you have been there a while you might have more leverage with the shifts. Or you might use it as a springboard to another job with more suitable hours for you.

Try it out for as long as you can - you'll at least earn enough to cover your new outfit and shoes.

Quaggars · 11/09/2021 21:17

They're perfectly entitled to not want to provide childcare on a regular basis, but they're out of order to say that to you AFTER they've said yes and you've gone and got a job on the back of that.
Sounds like a conversation that needed to be had before you took a job, even though realise that obviously is no use now!
Shouldn't have committed to childcare with you knowing they weren't wanting to do it regularly.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 11/09/2021 21:18

Sort out childcare or after school clubs for the weekdays. Can your dh's parents also help out on the weekends and take turns so when your dh is working one set of grandparents would mind the child so they actually would only be minding one weekend per month.

BrilloPaddy · 11/09/2021 21:23

You're asking an awful lot.

I'm a grandparent who adores her grandchildren. I also work full time, have other adult DC still at home, 2 active dogs and ageing parents who are very demanding. And DH isn't in very good health either.

There is a limit to what I can realistically commit to.

2bazookas · 11/09/2021 21:23

I think there;s been a misunderstanding about "help with" childcare.

In fact, they now realise they ARE the childcare; 3 or 4 days every week their day has to be planned around your job and child. And more in school holidays. That's quite an imposition. As they've said, they didn't want or mean to commit to so much.

You need to ASK exactly how much "help" they want to offer. For the rest of it, you'll have to make other arrangements.

Auroreforet · 11/09/2021 21:26

Start the job tomorrow and see how things go.
Tell your parents that you will look for other childcare in the meantime.
You may find that your parents will prefer to have dc rather than she goes to childcare.
I can't see how a 7 year old can be much trouble.
Some gp's are strange imo.

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/09/2021 21:27

I would interpret "an occasional Sunday" to mean just that, a once in a while Sunday if/when your other childcare was temporarily unavailable for some reason.
Maybe they did too, if you phrased it like that and then thought they'd agreed to every week.

SoftSheen · 11/09/2021 21:28

I would suggest that you find some paid childcare (after-school club, childminder) for weekdays. That should be relatively straightforward.

If your DP works alternate weekends, perhaps your parents would be willing to do childcare every second Saturday? They might find that more acceptable.

Hoppinggreen · 11/09/2021 21:28

The thread title is very misleading
They are not refusing to babysit, babysitting in an occasional ad hoc thing where they watch the baby while you go out etc. What you are asking is regular childcare while you work.
Are you sure they fully understand what you asked them to do? Did they know it was every single week?

Bananarama21 · 11/09/2021 21:31

I was going to ask what would you do? In the school holidays did you expect them to step up? The whole thing about being retired is your not tied to doing anything you don't have to get up for work or have any commitments and go away on holiday. Providing childcare weekly prevents this and limits on what they can do like a job.