Grandparents refuse to babysit..

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I've been looking for work and my mum and dad said they would be happy to help with the school run and occasional Saturday or sunday with my 7 year old. Would be probably only twice a week, three times at most for an hour or 2 after school and sometimes half a day Saturday. The job is only part time.

My child is well behaved, grandparents live over the road, school is a very short 5 minute walk away.

I'm supposed to be starting work tomorrow, they know this. It was all arranged but today when I was checking in again about tomorrow I got told they hope it's not going to be a regular thing.. they can't commit to it. Even though they told me they where happy to help so I applied for jobs, went to interviews and got a part time office job.

It looks like I can't take the job now. No childcare for the weekend as my oh works every other weekend. The job isn't able to accommodate me not working weekends. I'm so disappointed to have got this far then told no. Shouldn't they have just said no from the start.

I'm even more skint now after paying out for work shoes and interview clothes.

There has obviously been some miscommunication and if your thread title is anything to go by, it is possible that this is from your side. Because “grandparents refuse to babysit” is really not what has happened here is it?

They indicated a willingness to occasionally babysit, whereas you are expecting quite a lot of regular childcare so you can go to work. It is a huge misunderstanding at best, but your parents really have not done anything wrong here.

I think they only meant occasional babysitting, not regular fixed times throughout the week and weekend. I think its a lot to ask. Why don't you look for something part-time thats not at the weekend and use a childminder? You and your husband can split the cost of childcare, that's what we did.

When someone offers to "help" with childcare, they don't usually mean "I'm volunteering to meet whatever childcare needs whatever job you might find throws your way, indefinitely." That's even more true if they used the word "occasionally."

Is there before and after school care available? Can you use that, then you are down to needing the grandparents some of every other weekend. If you know your OHs rota far enough in advance, can you request to work the Sats he is at home. Dont give up on this, but do find a way to reduce the reliance on your parents. Yes, it costs. But after school here is less than 2 hrs wages at minimium wage. You should still be better off even if not as much as you hoped.

You want help 7 times a fortnight, is that right? Too big a favour to ask. Keep the job and find paid childcare. A student or teen perhaps might like to make some money.

They're not refusing to babysit , they're refusing to commit to up to 4 times a week.
That's a lot of child care OP.
Can you go through your husband's rota for the next half term and pinpoint how much you'll actually need ?

They said they would help occasionally, you knew that. What you are expecting is not occassionally.

I am another who think there has been a miscommunication here, if your title is anything to go by. They are not refusing to babysit, they are declining being your regular childcare provider. Which is not unreasonable. Did you ask them if they could do these days before accepting the job? Because it seems a bit of an assumption that they would just do whatever days you needed if they had not specifically said they would do so.

I think the issue is that “Occasional babysitting” is not the same thing as school run/after school 2-3 times per week and half a saturday every other week- not by a long chalk. It might only be a few hours but it will severely curtail their ability to make plans as they won’t be able to leave until a certain time in the morning if doing morning run, or will need to be back early afternoon for school pick up. They won’t be able to take holidays unless you can match up your annual leave, which means they have lost any spontaneity. If they had agreed, and were happy, with that then that’s fine. But, if as your OP suggests, they offered “occasional” help, I rather think you’ve made a massive assumption, and have no right to be annoyed at them.

If they had agreed to “whatever you need” or specifically agreed to what you are asking for and are now backing out, then that is different and I would be angry to. But it’s not clear from your post that either of those scenarios is the case.

I think you have to see if you can find an alternative source of childcare or see if you can work things around your husbands shifts. You could ask if your parents can help this week and maybe next whilst you try to sort something out.

Would be probably only twice a week, three times at most for an hour or 2 after school and sometimes half a day Saturday.

You're asking for a 3.5 days out of 7 commitment from your parents - 50% of the week is not "occasional" babysitting.

Even on school days when it's "only" an hour or two, being available 3pm-5pm is an inconvenient time when they might have plans or want to go out out the day and you are expecting them to commit to that for over half the school week. I have Mondays off work and when DD was younger I used to have to set an alarm on my phone for the end of the school day because it was so easy to lose track of time and then have to rush to do pick up on time.

Again, with the need for weekend commitment then it means they have to plan their own schedule around not being available for 25% of the weekend.

I know you aren't expecting all of these hours to be covered every week but perhaps it is your lack of forward planning and vagueness about the commitment that is concerning your parents? Do you have a set schedule? How far in advance does your DH get his shift schedule?

There's a difference between you and DH sitting down and planning out when your shifts overlap and going to your parents to say "Over the next 4 weeks we need childcare on XYZ days, can you cover them?" so that they have advance notice and can plan around their commitment; and you just expecting to have a more casual/adhoc arrangement where you ask them at more short notice and without any real structure to the commitment. If it was me, I would be happy to commit to a set arrangement with lots of notice, but I would be very reluctant to commit to a "zero hours" arrangement.