Aibu for choosing mother rather than unborn baby?

[Bells3032]

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant. Having one of those hypothetical conversations regarding what would your partner do if something happened and it was your life v unborn baby's life. I said 100% he should chose me. Friend was surprised and said she'd chose her unborn baby over her.

Said it makes more sense to choose the mother as she's less "replaceable" for lack of a better sense (not that a baby is replaceable but hopefully you know what I mean) and the only person who'd be more upset at losing the baby than me would be me.

Am I just a horribly in maternal person.

Which would you chose?

The mother's right to life would be more important to preserve imo. In medical emergencies they would deliver the baby if it meant keeping you alive.

What you think you'd do in an imaginary scenario and what you'd actually do if it was really happening are unlikely to be the same, so it's pretty pointless.

If it was my first baby I would probably say save the baby.
If I already had a child / children, I would say save me as they need me I think.

I was going to say the same as @Barneythedinosaur I hate the thought of leaving my daughter without a mum

Hospital would save the dm as she is the patient. An unborn dc isn't actually the consultant's patient..

YANBU

I told dp when going into labour that if anything happened and he had to chose, that he was to save our son. I wouldn't change that choice but when younger, before going through years of infertility etc, I may have had a different view.

I don't think it makes you a bad person and do understand why you said that.

Well I agree that if the baby isn't born, it's more logical to save the mother. I can't think of loads of occasions when you'd have to choose between them though.

Once a baby had arrived I would want to prioritise its life over mine.

The Mother should always be the priority imo.

I know someone who (herself) chose to save the baby. And that kid and all the previous kids are severely damaged.

And yes, if it happened now my views may again change as I wouldn't want to leave ds without a mum if possible.

@Barneythedinosaur

If it was my first baby I would probably say save the baby. If I already had a child / children, I would say save me as they need me I think.

This would be my answer.

If it was my first baby I would probably say save the baby.
If I already had a child / children, I would say save me as they need me I think.

Wouldn't that baby also need you?

The mother.

Before I went in for my emergency c-section (that did not go entirely well) I told my husband to choose the baby. He wouldn't have.

I told DH to pick me if he had to choose. If that makes me cold-hearted, so be it. I'd die for DS now he's out in the world, but until he was actually on me, he was sort of an abstract concept.

I have a serious heart condition making my pregnancy high risk, and have told my partner to choose me if it ever came to it as I felt like we needed to have that conversation.

I just think my death would cause much more devastation to my family and friends, and we can have another child. It might sound brutal to some people but that’s the reality.

@Thefaceofboe would you tell your partner to save you over your newborn in a house fire?

In a real life situation, you wouldn't get to choose at all. I had this conversation with the anaesthetist during my section for DC4. The medical team would attenot to preserve the mother and the pregnancy but if it was one or the other they would prioritise their patient - the mother. In cases where a pregnancy is far enough along (i.e., post-24wks) then they might deliver the baby if its clinically safe to do so as this then makes it easier to work on the woman. If the woman was too far gone, for example already dead or past the point of treatment, then they would prioritise the baby at that point and perform an emergency section. There was a car accident here a while ago where a pregnant woman suffered catastrophic injuries and medics were able to keep her going long enough for an emergency section to be done when she arrived at hospital.

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday

Hospital would save the dm as she is the patient. An unborn dc isn't actually the consultant's patient..

An. Unborn child has no legal rights.

I know someone who (herself) chose to save the baby. And that kid and all the previous kids are severely damaged.

That is so fucked up and the impact on her children was inevitable. To put your unborn baby's life before your own is romantic nonsense that does not bear any logical examination. It's obviously the woman that is more important, e.g. the majority of countries in the world allow abortion to preserve the mother's life.

@MyDcAreMarvel interesting question. I think id probably say chose the newborn which makes zero sense. But once baby is born it's an actual life who I've bonded with rather than a potential life.

@MyDcAreMarvel

no, and I would save the baby over him. Once our baby is here, they will be our priority over anything.

Surely the husband/ partner doesn't get to choose which one he wants to save. I think that did used to happen in the past but not now, I hope. Why should he have the power of choosing life or death over partner or baby. I imagine, but don't actually know, that a doctor would choose the one most likely to survive. Does anyone know what really does happen ?

We talked about this too. It sounds awful, but we said we would save me (hard to say now I know my DS and couldn't imagine putting myself before him now!). But my husband would have found it extremely difficult dealing with my death and a newborn.