Sent an emoji in response to me telling her my mum has cancer

[Needtodothebigshop]

Would you write off this *Friendship

Messaging with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, due to covid (now live in different countries) I’d say I’d consider to have once been one of my best friends.
She asked how things were going and said what she was up to. I responded lots to her recent news, asking questions etc, then told her about my mum recently having an op to remove cancer and that she was ok but it was obviously upsetting and a shock to find out. I also asked some advice about my Dd (she’s a professional in the area I’m concerned about with my Dd-school etc )
I had no reply for a couple of days and then just a silly emoji response thing to a story I posted on Fb
Would you be hurt by this? Or do I need to chill out?

I also asked some advice about my Dd (she’s a professional in the area I’m concerned about with my Dd-school etc )

Is that the problem? Did she not like being asked for advice?

So really she hasn't replied with an emoji Thank you told her your mum had cancer. She responded with an emoji to something you had written on Facebook.

Perhaps your first message was so long and full of news and information that she thought she would reply to it later.

It sounds pretty bad for one of your closest friends not to even muster up a “sorry to hear that” re: your mum. I’d be hurt by that too.

@Feedingthebirds1 I wouldn’t have thought so, she’s generally great at helping people out on that side of things 🤷🏻‍♀️
Was I bad to ask advice from a friend?

The emoji wasn't in response to telling her your mum has cancer. And unless I misunderstand, your mum had cancer, was treated, and is now fine? So the perceived seriousness and reaction will be different to if you had been sharing the news at the start of the process.

And sticking it in the middle of a message about other stuff also suggests it's not something concerning just something in the past.

The emoji is unrelated, let it go.

@SavoyCabbage Well, no, but it feels like that

Yes maybe she’ll reply later, it’s not the way I’d do things. I wouldn’t wait to reply to that upsetting news if it was a friend

The emoji and the message about cancer are completely unrelated - on two different platforms even.

But what was the emoji??

@legoriakelne Mum found out in August and just had small op, radiotherapy etc to follow soon

If you sent a long message about that plus the advice questions maybe she skimmed it and didn't register.

Plenty of innocent explanations.

I think its very poor form on her part.

@legoriakelne It wasn’t stuck in the middle of the message and not in the past. I told her we’d just found out and it was worrying and a shock

[quote Needtodothebigshop]@legoriakelne Mum found out in August and just had small op, radiotherapy etc to follow soon[/quote]
Ah ok, sorry to hear that.

The way you phrased it in the first post made it sound to me like someone who has been cured through surgery and no further treatment was required. So if you phrased it similarly in your message she may have taken it the same way.

Ultimately though nobody here knows. You would be better to just calmly speak to her rather than blowing it up and running a friendship.

Give it time. Your message had lots to digest and respond to. The emoji is unrelated but indicates she may be short on time. So I’d give her a bit longer to send you a response to your message. That is if you’re sure she has received it?

@PlanDeRaccordement Yes, maybe…

Only mentioning it as I have a friend in Romania and sometimes our messages get lost in cyberspace. If the radio silence is odd for her, maybe reach out and ask if she got your most recent message?

Personally I think it's quite rude. I have a friend whose dad was recently diagnosed with cancer and even though we're not super close I still managed to respond to her messages and ask how her dad is, what happens next etc. If someone is a friend they'll respond, even if it's just with a 'I'm so sorry to hear that' kind of message

She might have thought she had sent a reply to your message but forgot to actually send it. She might be wanting to wait for a quiet moment to compose a suitably response. She might be reflecting on the question about your daughter. I wouldn't go storming in falling out with her unless there is a long history.

If she's usually someone who's helpful and caring, I'd give her the benefit of doubt.
Maybe she missed that part.
Maybe she's not sure how to react or what to say.
Maybe she's taking her time to answer that bit of information.
Maybe she's forgotten she hasn't replied to it.
Maybe...

She obviously didn't send an emoji in response to your mum having cancer, do you work for one of their clickbait websites?!

My assumption, and I think we've all done this before, is that she saw a long message and didn't get a chance to fully read it at the time and has since forgotten she didn't read, or she was going to respond and couldn't think of what to say and, again, forgot later that she hadn't done so.

No need to exaggerate or sit there thinking her response was an emoji!

@RoomOfRequirement Sorry?

She didn't send an emoji to a message about your mum having cancer, she failed to reply to a message about your mum having cancer. Which isn't great but is very different.

@Hardbackwriter No, I know, but that’s basically the response I’ve had

Well your thread title is totally misleading. Thats really not what happened. Shes possibly forgotten she hasn't replied or hasn't got round to it

Acknowledging a fb post is very different to replying to a long message