Sent an emoji in response to me telling her my mum has cancer

[Needtodothebigshop]

Would you write off this *Friendship

Messaging with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, due to covid (now live in different countries) I’d say I’d consider to have once been one of my best friends.
She asked how things were going and said what she was up to. I responded lots to her recent news, asking questions etc, then told her about my mum recently having an op to remove cancer and that she was ok but it was obviously upsetting and a shock to find out. I also asked some advice about my Dd (she’s a professional in the area I’m concerned about with my Dd-school etc )
I had no reply for a couple of days and then just a silly emoji response thing to a story I posted on Fb
Would you be hurt by this? Or do I need to chill out?

So you sent her a long, detailed and intense message. She hasn't yet had the time or energy to reply.

@Peaseblossum22 No I didn’t message her for advice, I messaged to check she was ok as she had posted about something sad fo her, asked how she was doing etc

@lottiegarbanzo I made sure it was not too detailed or long

She obviously hasn't ready your messages yet ... People I care about I take time to read and reply. And if they live abroad I see it more as a penpal thing – I write a little longer, a full update.

@SunnyMustard Yes I do the same

She’s read it

I wonder if perhaps she hasn’t read the whole message.

@Farfalle88 I’d imagine she has..she’s sometimes not messaged back before..but when it came to news like this, I thought she would. Oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

She probably didn't know how to react.

You didn't tell her at the time but threw it in while asking for professional advice on your DD.

Sorry about your DM.

Honestly, you need to chill out and lower your expectations (in a good way. I mean reduce the stress you create for yourself out of self-invented non-issues).

Two days?

I can go through two days, a working week, a whole week if busy at the weekend, without having time to sit down and respond, with as much consideration as I'd like to, to a letter / multi-topic message, from a friend.

If it did reach a week, I'd probably send a quick 'sorry, not ignoring you, been busy, sorry to hear about your mum' holding message. Then respond properly when I did have time.

But an expectation that I should respond to your emotionally-involved, multi-topic letter, in which you also ask me for particular advice, within two days!!! Makes you sound like a very demanding client, not a friend.

No I didn’t message her for advice, I messaged to check she was ok as she had posted about something sad fo her, asked how she was doing etc
Doesn't that tell you she is dealing with her own issues?

I'm beginning to think people are deliberately saying OP is BU just because it's AIBU or people answering have the weirdest conversations via text.

If I'm testing a friend back and forth I wouldn't expect them to just disappear without the conversation ending.

Seriously people would expect this from a friend

YOU: "I've seen your sm post. Sorry to hear things are tough. How are you.

FRIEND: conversation goes back and forth.

FRIEND: "how's things your end"

YOU: "not been great here either ............."

.

My first thought would not be they didn't receive the message or were considering the reply.

It would if they responded "sorry to hear about your mum. Let me have a think about DD and I'll get back to you".

Radio silence speaks volumes.

@itsgettingwierd Yes, that’s how I feel

@EmeraldShamrock It wasn’t exactly professional, serious advice, it was asking her opinion about Dd. I thought friends did these things 🤷🏻‍♀️I’d be more than happy to be consulted on something with her or help her out

@EmeraldShamrock As we all are in life, which is why I checked to see she was ok

@VeganVeal What’s that?

I agree I would be very hurt if I were you. I have a relative who is like this habitually. No response to bad news, or good news really. It’s just all about her. Although you say your friend is usually empathetic so it’s out of character.

Not sure why people are excusing this? It takes a few seconds to reply saying I'm sorry to hear about your mum etc.

Presumably it was a 'sad face' emoji.

She will probably follow up with a longer message.

So she posted something sad on fb, you messaged to see she was ok and you then gave her your takes of woe and ask opinions on your DD situation? Maybe you should just have left it at are you ok...

I don't understand mumsnet how people go on the defense. Of course it was shitty, she is a friend and should have had a compassion and sent a nice message back. I would never be able to ignore a message. I completely understand op

I don't understand why anyone would post on MN when they are not open to a diversity of responses. What's the point?

Absolutely indefensible.

For fucks sake she could at least have responded with a if she likes emojis so much.

@lottiegarbanzo

I don't understand why anyone would post on MN when they are not open to a diversity of responses. What's the point?

I agree. Another OP who's made up her mind and mainly looking for affirmation. Yet posed it as a question.🤷🏽‍♀️

I told a friend my dad had terminal cancer once, and got silence. as we were really close I checked she had got the message when we were next chatting and she just said yes but she couldn't even deal with it and didn't know what to say
I sort of thought nothing of it and we saw each other a few times after that.

The friendship has fizzled out for a variety of reasons and with hindsight I can't say I'm that upset.
sometimes friends don't give you want you want and can trap you a bit. it's sad though.