Sent an emoji in response to me telling her my mum has cancer

[Needtodothebigshop]

Would you write off this *Friendship

Messaging with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, due to covid (now live in different countries) I’d say I’d consider to have once been one of my best friends.
She asked how things were going and said what she was up to. I responded lots to her recent news, asking questions etc, then told her about my mum recently having an op to remove cancer and that she was ok but it was obviously upsetting and a shock to find out. I also asked some advice about my Dd (she’s a professional in the area I’m concerned about with my Dd-school etc )
I had no reply for a couple of days and then just a silly emoji response thing to a story I posted on Fb
Would you be hurt by this? Or do I need to chill out?

@butterpuffed

Please don't keep defending yourself to those shitty posters on here being nasty to you, OP, you have absolutely no need.

Agree

@malificent7 That’s how I feel, how long and how much effort does it take to write a reply 🤷🏻‍♀️

She went through something very traumatic years ago and I was so supportive to her and worried so much about her

@butterpuffed xx

@malificent7 Yes, I actually feel that was a token thing she did, as she generally never does this. So almost like she got back to me, but really didn’t!
She’s done similar before or just not replied, it has bothered me, but with this news, it’s just a bit….wow

@lilcolibri

Good lord

Sometimes people forget to reply. It happens.

No need to agonise over it.

To ‘forget’ to reply to a piece of news like that from a good friend is not the behaviour of someone who cares.

Just to throw into the mix, I managed to put a laughing emoji response to a really awful post recently, entirely unintentionally, and no idea how. Fat fingers I guess, but I can't imagine what the poster would have thought if she'd seen. Fortunately it was a family member, who knew I wasn't that hideous.

[quote Needtodothebigshop]@myotherusernameistaken I’m
Saying that is basically the response I’ve had back, a quick press of a gif/emoji[/quote]
Look, I am very sorry to hear about your mum and that you are going through stuff with your daughter. I hope that things start to get easier for you...but...the "quick press of the emoji" was absolutely nothing to do with your message, it was in response to something completely different.

You need to seperate the two things in your mind.

You would have got plenty of sympathetic replies if you just said that you had told your friend about the situation with your mum and she hasn't responded, which is actually what has happened. She hasn't replied to you about a major trauma that you have going on and that must hurt from someone that you consider to be a friend.

The fact that she pressed an emoji button a couple of days later, (which is what your OP says) has nothing to do with her lack of reply. You are implying that she sent an emoji as a response. Even if this had all happened on the same day it would still not be a response to your message.

@myotherusernameistaken Well
That wasn’t what I meant. I meant I’d had no reply to my message but a crappy response to my story. So the message has been ignored and I got a feeble emoji response to something else.

Ok?🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you're overreacting OP. See how she actually replies to your message before jumping to conclusions.

[quote Needtodothebigshop]@myotherusernameistaken Well
That wasn’t what I meant. I meant I’d had no reply to my message but a crappy response to my story. So the message has been ignored and I got a feeble emoji response to something else.

Ok?🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Completely different.

People are strange. They won’t reply to your direct message but they’ll like your insta photo or reply on the group chat.

It’s hard to maintain friendships especially when they are in another country. I would just let it go. If you’ve not heard from each other in a while then you’re probably not close.

[quote Needtodothebigshop]@SunnyMustard Yes I do the same

She’s read it[/quote]
Opening the message doesn't mean she's read it. She could have opened it but then got interrupted with a call then forgot. I do this all the time and it's easily done

[quote Needtodothebigshop]@Feedingthebirds1 I wouldn’t have thought so, she’s generally great at helping people out on that side of things 🤷🏻‍♀️
Was I bad to ask advice from a friend?[/quote]
I’m sorry to hear about your mum OP, but yes it was wrong to ask for advice unless she’s specifically said to ask any time.
I’m a GP and it really pisses me off when people ask me advice. I usually answer but I don’t like it. And I try and politely ask people not to ask again. And I often take a while to reply.

@Bagamoyo1 It wasn’t strictly advice, we’re both in the same profession and wondered if my worries about Dd were founded, it was basically just advice off a friend 🤷🏻‍♀️Why is that so unusual? I’ve helped friends over the years

@Stilesandlydia It is strange isn’t it..is it they can’t be arsed? Or too busy 🤷🏻‍♀️But my life is super busy with a toddler and allsorts of problems at the moment, I fit in the things that are important

Sorry about your mum and how you feel your friend has not reacted in the way you expected.
I got a message recently and whilst it appears I have read it, sadly I have only read the first line . Am not sure how it opened as certainly was leaving it for when I have time to read in detail.
Could it be like this?

I think things like texts, whatsapps and FB posts - along with the responses expected, or given - are dodgy things to make friendship choices on.

I'm absolutely shit at reading things on time (or quickly enough), reading them properly, responding properly and so on. It's not personal, I just find written stuff a huge inconvenience, I don't always have my phone on me, and really I'd just prefer someone phoned me.

Well I am really bad at writing a response then not pressing pressing send button. Do it all the time, normally as a small child is about to electrocute themselves or climb up something they will absolutely fall off of. Could it be that? She might be waiting for a response from you if she hasn't checked it!

Emoji response to something else in passing, take a second. No consideration. That has nothing to do with her response or otherwise to your main message.

Honestly, I'm glad you're not my friend. You sound really judgemental and unable to consider that other people have stuff going on too. I'd end up feeling that nothing I did, or didn't do, or did but not to your preferred timescale, was good enough for you.

Your title is, as others have said, misleading.

I often forget to reply to text messages, especially if they’re long and I’m going to have to put thought into them.

Also. You say you consider she is a very close friend of yours but does she consider you to be a close friend of hers anymore know that you live in a different country?

I appreciate that you are actually upset, jittery and desperate for a response, rather than being deliberately judgemental.

But, in more normal times, give your expectations and their reasonableness, some thought.

I might have posted an emoji as an immediate response to acknowledge the news then responded later with a more considered response.

But it does appear your title is a bit misleading.

Hope things are improving x

@lottiegarbanzo Thanks

@Spidey66Yes perhaps I misjudged

Call her. WhatsApp has a great calling function. Friendships aren't conducted by text.