Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent an emoji in response to me telling her my mum has cancer

129 replies

Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 15:20

Would you write off this *Friendship

Messaging with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, due to covid (now live in different countries) I’d say I’d consider to have once been one of my best friends.
She asked how things were going and said what she was up to. I responded lots to her recent news, asking questions etc, then told her about my mum recently having an op to remove cancer and that she was ok but it was obviously upsetting and a shock to find out. I also asked some advice about my Dd (she’s a professional in the area I’m concerned about with my Dd-school etc )
I had no reply for a couple of days and then just a silly emoji response thing to a story I posted on Fb
Would you be hurt by this? Or do I need to chill out?

OP posts:
MrsMaizel · 11/09/2021 16:11

It's a couple of days - give the woman a break . Not everyone can rush a response .

IWantT0BreakFree · 11/09/2021 16:12

Agree with PPs. Your title is misleading - she didn't send an emoji in response to your message about your mum at all, although that seems to be what you are holding against her.

Perhaps she has got things going on in her own life and for whatever reason she was not able to respond to your message in the way that either of you would have liked. Perhaps she is just very busy and didn't read the message at the time or have chance to reply. Perhaps she was waiting for a chance to sit down and properly respond to you. Perhaps if you don't speak often she was annoyed because it seems to her that you're just getting in touch to ask her professional opinion on something. There are lots of potential explanations for her lack of a response. Of course it's up to you if you decide to end a friendship over this, but I'd suggest that if she really meant much to you then you'd either be having a conversation with her about the way you feel or giving her the benefit of the doubt.

itsgettingwierd · 11/09/2021 16:15

Were your messages flowing back and forth continuously?

If so not to respond to that is awful (only on MN could people find 6000 excuses for why they wouldn't respond).

I had a friend who did this. Always on the conversation when it was about her and her news and her kids.
Lucky to get to a response when it was about my news (which always came second as she'd share all hers before she'd even ask).

That's one of the reasons I defriended her from my life. A really good friend who considers themselves close would respond with something. They'd have equal care about you and you do them.

Sorry to hear about your mum and hope your dd stuff gets sorted.

Sagaz · 11/09/2021 16:16

Well, I'd definitely be assessing the responses you're receiving. I wou;dn't reach out to her again for a while.

I wouldn't delete her off facebook though. if she doesn't respond on a personal level but keeps pressing ha ha then that is a message in itself.

It says, I can't really cope any serious stuff right now, I'm trying to distance you but not cut all ties completely.

Just stay cool and assess what's happeneing before you respond.

x

MissTheobald · 11/09/2021 16:17

I think it's a bit hurtful not to reply to your message. However, when I had a parent with cancer, I discovered that people react very differently to news of that kind. Some people just can't deal with it, or don't know what to say, or say completely the wrong thing. It's upsetting but there it is.

I hope your mum is ok and her treatment goes well Flowers

nocoolnamesleft · 11/09/2021 16:17

Or her message hasn't gone through. I posted something to a group of friends on signal about a death in the family. Thought it was odd noone replied. Then realised that although I had sent it, it had never appeared.

Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:17

@itsgettingwierd That’s how I feel

I’d messaged her first asking how things were, she shared a sad post about something special to her, so I messaged her. She replied with what was going on in her life, I replied about my Dd and mum etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:19

@Sagaz Oh, no I won’t respond, I’ll
just leave it, but it possibly tells me what I need to know 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:20

@MissTheobald Thank you 🙏
It’s weird isn’t it? My first response would be to reply immediately or if that really wasn’t possible, as soon as possible. But we’re all
different…

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:21

@nocoolnamesleft Its been seen

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 11/09/2021 16:21

@itsgettingwierd

Were your messages flowing back and forth continuously?

If so not to respond to that is awful (only on MN could people find 6000 excuses for why they wouldn't respond).

I had a friend who did this. Always on the conversation when it was about her and her news and her kids.
Lucky to get to a response when it was about my news (which always came second as she'd share all hers before she'd even ask).

That's one of the reasons I defriended her from my life. A really good friend who considers themselves close would respond with something. They'd have equal care about you and you do them.

Sorry to hear about your mum and hope your dd stuff gets sorted.

I agree with this. I don't think her lack of response was quite as callous as sending an emoji would have been, but it's still pretty indefensible. Even if she was incredibly pressed she could and should have sent a 'holding message' saying she was so sorry to hear and that she hoped your mum was doing better and that she'd think about the issue with your daughter and get back later with more, or something like that. It's not ok to entirely ignore a message like that even if you don't have time to deal with it fully right then.
nocoolnamesleft · 11/09/2021 16:23

[quote Needtodothebigshop]@nocoolnamesleft Its been seen[/quote]
You misunderstand me. Her reply to you may not have come through. As described, it happens.

SequinsandStiIettos · 11/09/2021 16:23

Difficult as is most stuff on social media. Cheryl Cole posted a heart broken emoji when Sarah Harding died. Maybe your friend has no words. Maybe she doesn't know what to say.
Personally this kind of stuff is best done on the phone on person if you want a personal response. I don't really do FB but as with twitter, insta etc I would never put personal stuff up on there. Appreciate that's just me though, dinosaur that I am.

Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:24

@Hardbackwriter Yes that’s how I feel
and that the follow up one that’s just a press of a button is a bit of a couldn’t be bothered thing

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 11/09/2021 16:25

Maybe she felt a bit overwhelmed. She might have been doing the equivalent of 'how are you' and wasn't expecting such a specific, detailed reply.

Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:25

@SequinsandStiIettos I didn’t put it on social media, these were private messages between us, I wouldn’t put it out on social
media

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:27

@midsomermurderess 🤷🏻‍♀️Maybe I’ve felt overwhelmed with various things were her in the past, I’ve still been there for her…that’s what a friend is. Lighthearted chit chat I can do with a neighbour or acquaintance

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtodothebigshop · 11/09/2021 16:27

@nocoolnamesleft Unlikely I think

OP posts:
FlumpsAreShit · 11/09/2021 16:27

Perhaps she hasn't had time to write a detailed reply to the advice question yet. She hasn't given you an emoji in direct response, you can't really expect her to be solemn in all conversations/platforms.

midsomermurderess · 11/09/2021 16:29

Yes, but @bigshop, that's you. And maybe it's not the friendship you thought it was.

HereForThis · 11/09/2021 16:30

OP, if she has a history of being this way, then I think it's safe to take it as who she is and make your decision based on that. But if she isn't normally like this, then I'd personally wonder why first, not write her off.

Almost sounds like there's more to it as you seem prepared to end it ASAP.

Peaseblossum22 · 11/09/2021 16:35

Maybe she thought it was less serious that it actually is, after all it sounds like the only reason you contacted her was because you wanted advice about your daughter .

Is she meant to refrain from all social media posting until she has replied to your message?

Bobsyer · 11/09/2021 16:37

I would feel upset but equally I can’t imagine I’d want to respond to something like that via text?

When a friend told me something similar, I couldn’t respond immediately because it upset me a lot. I didn’t want her to know that because it was her and her mum that was important, you know? Like it’s ok for me to be upset, but not ok for me to cry when I’m talking to her sort of thing. So I waited a few days and then called her.

I did acknowledge immediately though by way of a ‘I’m so sorry’ sort of message but didn’t elaborate until I could actually talk to her.

I’m clutching at straws a bit because I would be very hurt if a close friend didn’t bother responding to the important things but did to the unimportant things.

Flowers
Rno3gfr · 11/09/2021 16:42

She’s probably thinking over what to write back to make sure it’s sensitive enough

stayathomer · 11/09/2021 16:43

Op you (understandably) sound very upset but there are so many reasons she may not have seen/read or answered. This is why text messaging and email is the Bain of modern life, it just took her phone going at the wrong time other message not going through and you're ready to get rid of the friendship. Please don't jump to do something you may regret later when you have so much else to worry aboutFlowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread