Kids party etiquette AIBU and best party tips

[StrangeToSee]

So DS will have his first (age 6) party at our home soon. I’ve only done soft-play parties before. Terrified!

How do you stop 10 little boys trashing your house? How do you calm them down?

On invitations I said parents welcome to stay (mentioned Prosecco and food) or drop off. How many do you think will stay? Hoping lots stay! It’s only 2 hours.

Pass the parcel: is it ok to look to ensure all get a turn and your kid doesn’t get the prize or is it meant to be random?

Is it ok for your kid to win any games? Eg musical statues or should you pull them out?

What’s the etiquette with gifts, do you put them out of reach so birthday boy doesn’t open them in front of friends?

Is ok to make everyone take shoes off (I offer disposable pop socks for anyone worried about bare feet)?

How do you deal if kids act up? Have you ever sent a kid home for bad behaviour?

I’ve planned games but also free play (garden if warm) but do I let them charge upstairs too?

Kids behave better, imo, when their parents are not there. I always encourage drop off

Interesting, I’ll remember this next year!

Because of lockdowns I know some parents are anxious about drop and go (some of them only know me by site etc). The parties we’ve been to so far had the option of both. To be fair I didn’t help much as was too busy bonding with other mums over the wine 🍷

Also have one person in charge of organising the games who either has that kind of tone that kids can’t ignore, or who can fake it

Luckily DH has that sort of voice! Wish my mum could come, she taught year one and two for 40 years so has that teacher voice she can turn on!

If you’ve got space for running around games then duck, duck, goose is simple and easy.

Pass the parcel can be speeded up by not unwrapping layers, but the child who has the parcel being “out”. They can then collect their sweet while the game is restarted. Have all the “out kids” start a second circle so that by the time you’ve only got two or three kids left they’re in the middle.
Also makes it very easy to Chuck in a couple of extra games if it goes down well.

@StrangeToSee

Kids behave better, imo, when their parents are not there. I always encourage drop off

Interesting, I’ll remember this next year!

Because of lockdowns I know some parents are anxious about drop and go (some of them only know me by site etc). The parties we’ve been to so far had the option of both. To be fair I didn’t help much as was too busy bonding with other mums over the wine 🍷

Kids play their own parents up the most. And they defer to their own parents rules - so if mum is there and mum lets them jump on sofas normally they’re far more likely to…

They’re (generally) used to deferring to the rules the adult in charge and instinctively if their parent is there.

I subscribe to this so much when we get parent helpers on trips they don’t get in groups with their own kids.

Is it the 'done' thing to invite the whole class? Dc have only just started school and already been invited to 2 birthdays, which appear to be all class parties in local halls

Hope not as we only invited 10 out of 26 kids (DS chose his friends hence it being all boys!)

In the past we did a party in a hall with bouncy castle and invited entire nursery class, but only 5 turned up 🤦🏻‍♀️😳 They still had fun though.

When does it become expected to have whole class parties?

What are everyone’s biggest mistakes they made? Things they underestimate? I clearly already underestimated how much hard work it’s going to be and how much planning it would need and how many games.

So this year I've done my first at home party for my 6 year old (now 7) boy and I kinda dreaded it, but it went so much better than expected! We only invited his 6 closest friends, one asked to bring a sibling so ended up 9 children total including my 2 boys. I did ask parents in advance to advise if they are bringing siblings for numbers and there were no surprises

That’s encouraging, thank you 😊

Do parents often bring siblings without asking? 😧 I won’t have enough party bags if they do that!

@SwanShaped

What are everyone’s biggest mistakes they made? Things they underestimate? I clearly already underestimated how much hard work it’s going to be and how much planning it would need and how many games.

I made the first one too complicated and tried to have too set a plan.

I still (after 8 years of doing similar parties as have 6 kids) underestimate the time kids will take to eat.

Uninvited siblings don’t get party bags - to deal with the potential of that name your party bags before the party (also gives a good place to put any prizes if you do).

I would do 2/3 extra plates or bags of food. Covers a dropped one and the possibility of an unexpected sibling.

When does it become expected to have whole class parties?

I think it might just be more usual where we live as the class sizes are small (rural school). I think I'll see what the other kids parties are like first and take notes!

We've had DSs 3rd and 4th birthday parties in the garden. Parents stayed and we had a bbq, lots of food for everyone. Took longer than 2 hours, though. Usually from 2pm until about 8pm. The kids mostly just entertained themselves. We have a trampoline, swings, climbing frame, slide, sandpit and a pool in the garden. We also get the bouncy castle out for parties

3/4 year old parties as you describe are completly different. In terms of development it's like telling my 14yo that her 9 year old cousin loved her build a bear party. 6/7 year olds need structure 3 year olds not so much.

IME reception are whole class partiesas friendship groups not yet fixed. From year 2 just the child's friends.

Thanks Lyra! Sorry to gatecrash your thread OP!

IME, it will be carnage whatever your well laid plans. The wee buggers broke my dining table one year! Managed to smash 2 legs out from under it. That was the year every adult who said they would come didn't- had to phone my best friend in a panic 20minutes in.

Yikes! Luckily our dining table is fairly indestructible but going to move everything breakable upstairs (even the rugs in case they spill drinks on them!)
I’m prepared for chaos as I’ve seen my son play fight and chase his friends after school, they all seem a bit hyper.

My top top is to always have more prizes that you need. Something will go wrong and cheer up surprises are helpful at that point. Make sure there is a quiet activity for less boistrous children (or when they all go mental and you need to try to regain control)

Good ideas, thanks! Is it ok if prizes are little things like small toys or snap bands? I’m planning to wrap all the prizes as another poster suggested and put them in a lucky dip box, so they can put their prize straight into their party bag!

duck, duck, goose

Thanks, how do you play this?

Pass the Parcel- enough layers for every child to unwrap it once and get a sweetie (I once put stickers in between the layers & nearly had a revolution on my hands). If you do the inner layer in different paper you can make sure your child or another who already has a prize doesn't win.
Having seen birthday child kick off at not winning at other parties I used to keep a prize back and explain to DC that it was their "host prize" that they got when everyone went home. It was our secret and they could happily let their friends win everything else.
Have a box of Celebrations or Haribo to soften the blow as children are knocked out of games.
Sleeping lions will give you 5 minutes calm down before serving food. Or the memory game where you have objects on a tray (maybe a bit young but perhaps they could team with an adult)
Make up picnic boxes so each child has their own food but maybe have extras available for top ups. If it's nice get them to eat outside.
Make cupcakes that match the birthday cake so that you can have one in each party bag and you're not trying to cut and wrap birthday cake as people are leaving. Unless you want rid of cake so you're not eating it for a week, in which case family size wedges into takeaway containers go down well.
Make sure you have a bottle of Prosecco stashed somewhere as you'll need it once everyone has gone.
My children are 20, 16& 13. I am a party veteran. Made some of my best friends by inviting parents to stay and muck in in exchange for wine.

Random tip - play musical bumps first.

The dancing and bouncing themselves to the floor burns energy. It also gives you great sight of which kids needs close watching the most.

Also what’s capture the flag? Is it suitable for a hilly slightly wild garden? Thanks

I have a hilly slightly wild garden and it's better for the game. Probably better to google for the full rules and how to set up but essentially there are two teams, they each hide the flag/object in their "side", the other players have to try to capture the flag but are put into jail in the enemy side if they're tagged. They can only be released by their team mate tagging them without being tagged themselves.

I have a glow in the dark version we've played at night (not good for a party as higher risk of injury!). I've played it with boys of that age and it was enjoyed. The only danger is the kids that prefer to rugby tackle rather than touch someone but you could probably get around that by sending them to the jail.

Pass the parcel in the garden (not indoors) I interspersed layers of sweet, forfeit (something silly, like headstand) and a whistle. When the whistle blows, the kids get to flan an adult (I specify daddies) with a paper plate with shaving foam. Unexciting present in the middle.

My experience is the games finish way faster than you think so plan for more and you can always skip them if there isn’t time. Bouncy castle is brilliant. And final tip, take a huge deep breath two mins before it starts and just push through the chaos with a smile. No point in stressing!

@StrangeToSee

duck, duck, goose

Thanks, how do you play this?

This children sit around in a circle, facing each other. One child is chosen to be "it" first.

That child who is "it" stands up and walks around the outside of the circle tapping each child on the head and naming them "duck". At some point he chooses a child to name "goose" instead, at which point the fun begins.

The goose must now jump up and chase the first child around the circle, trying to tag him before he can sit down in the goose's place. If he tags him, the first child has another go. If he fails, he becomes "it".

I'd not do a party with 10 small children at home.

There's still time to hire a hall for a couple of hours and let parents know about the change of venue.

It would be more space and a lot less stress.

It's upto you though so good luck with it!

Sorry to gatecrash your thread OP!

No problem, if the thread helps out other parents planning parties too that’s even better!

And questions from others make me think about stuff I’ve missed so all welcome!

I also wouldn't encourage siblings staying. Never happened in my older son's year but was definitely a thing in my younger son's. You start with 10 kids and end up with 20-30. Personally I think it's rather assuming to expect a sibling to be invited to their brother/sister's party as it can change the dynamic if you have a lot of older or younger kids joining in with the games.

Different at a soft play type party when you're staying and you pay for the sibling to go on the soft play while you're waiting there.

Random tip - play musical bumps first.
The dancing and bouncing themselves to the floor burns energy. It also gives you great sight of which kids needs close watching the most

Fab, thank you! Guess it’s a good ice breaker too. I’m aware of a couple of very wild boys I need to keep an eye on but my son is just as wild sometimes!