Kids party etiquette AIBU and best party tips

[StrangeToSee]

So DS will have his first (age 6) party at our home soon. I’ve only done soft-play parties before. Terrified!

How do you stop 10 little boys trashing your house? How do you calm them down?

On invitations I said parents welcome to stay (mentioned Prosecco and food) or drop off. How many do you think will stay? Hoping lots stay! It’s only 2 hours.

Pass the parcel: is it ok to look to ensure all get a turn and your kid doesn’t get the prize or is it meant to be random?

Is it ok for your kid to win any games? Eg musical statues or should you pull them out?

What’s the etiquette with gifts, do you put them out of reach so birthday boy doesn’t open them in front of friends?

Is ok to make everyone take shoes off (I offer disposable pop socks for anyone worried about bare feet)?

How do you deal if kids act up? Have you ever sent a kid home for bad behaviour?

I’ve planned games but also free play (garden if warm) but do I let them charge upstairs too?

be prepared and have spares for siblings!

Do people actually bring siblings without asking? 🤔 I’ve only done 10 party bags!

Short of it actually raining, keep them outside

Good idea, maybe I’ll hide some wrapped prizes and tell them it’s a treasure hunt!

Tip I got from here: have a quiet craft activity

Very good tip, thanks! Will set up a small table with crayons, pens, colouring books etc. Or rock painting so they’ve got a rock to take home?

my two cents would be to NOT let them choose their own prizes unless you’ve wrapped them and it’s a mystery prize every time

Excellent idea, thanks! I’ll wrap the prizes so they’re like blind bags!

Other things that have gone down well with my boys have been the donut challenge (eating donuts that are hanging up with string but no hands!)

Donuts on strings, that takes me back 😂 My mum only did it at Halloween parties though, so I associate it with apple bobbing! It was fun but very messy from memory, I think she used jam doughnuts!

I would definitely stay if you were offering Prosecco and food! Not enough people do this!

That’s nice 😊 I’m hoping at least a couple of mums stay so it’s not just DH and me trying to control all the kids!

We’ve been to a few parties since lockdown ended; about half the parents hovered then most went home. Only a few of the mums know me and none of their kids have been to our house so I thought they might feel better staying.

Also I’d like to make more mum friends so I thought Prosecco would be a good ice breaker!

The parties we’ve been to all the kids seemed to end up upstairs… is stuff going to get broken/lost if I allow this? Problem is we have a playroom upstairs full of toys 🤔

We used to hire a bouncy castle, set up a couple of gazebos and tell everyone to wear coats. I used to send DH and BIL for McDonald's for the kids and finish with lots of cake. Plastic chairs and wine for the adults. They were the best parties.

Avoid offering choice as this leads to either disagreements or you having to do something different for multiple children- the batch approach is always eaiest. Might be worth checking re allergies so you can cater with confidence. And if/when the children need to be calmed play 'Dead (or because it's 2021 not the 80s when I was growing up, 'Sleeping') Lions'. It's bliss because the children compete to see who can lie stillest for longest!

I did loads of parties in the house pre covid but stopped age 5. Because I have a 5 one and they are too confident once they start school. They were racing around the house and the parents stayed but didn't care. They weren't that bothered by party games but were very bothered if they didn't win! Definitely prizes for all. Doesn't have to be fancy. Stickers and smarties.
I would do: arrive and straight into a treasure hunt. Inside for pass the parcel and musical statues. Party tea. Trampoline/ bouncy castle/ mini olympics or something. Or disco indoors if crap weather.
For party bags I tend to do smarties as the are in cardboard. Stickers, a pencil... all in a colour in fabric bag or pencil case. No plastic, no rubbish. Never bother putting cake in, too much faff, just have it as dessert. Give a balloon on the way out so your house isn't full of them.

Old fashioned part games always go down a storm - pass the parcel, musical statues, musical bumps, pin the tail, and under/over or pass the balloon

Plate up food - it’s easier to hand out, kids actually eat more and there’s much less waste. Also less grubby hands in bowls. We tend to plate everything except the sandwich or wrap then an adult can just quickly give out the choice of ham/cheese/jam

Wrap up prizes and have a lucky dip. Also have a table with either a named plate or party bag so that prizes can be put away safe - nothing worse at the end trying to find Billy’s prize or tears from Mary because she’s sure that hers was a red yo-yo rather than yellow.

If you have the space I would do bouncy castle, pinata, water balloons or little pistols, and maybe a magician (my parents got one when I was five and it blew my mind) can you do everything outside? You have a lot of games planned, that sounds really hard to me! They are so young you could even play parachute games. I would give stickers instead of sweets as parents can be weird about those. I would stay if I were a parent, I hope you get some help!

Lock the doors upstairs

Get a magician if you can afford it- usually do an hour and either side of that do a couple of games. Magician was cheaper than I expected and had same age children mesmerised. Pass the parcel with sweet and a forfeit in each layer works a treat. The others often like to join in the forfeit, just things like 'Pretend to be a donkey' and kids think it's hilarious! Send the parcel round for long as you can get away with in Pass the Parcel, it saves kids charging about and someone being in tears. Pate up the food individually and make the kids sit down before you hand them a plate, have a bin bag ready for rubbish. ' Simon Says' with whichever name the kids are into: a footballer or Fortnite character etc. This is a way to let them have fun and be energetic and when someone is out get them to help you watch for the next person out but don't go down to one or the kids will get bored. 1st 2nd and 3rd prize (tiny thing) is enough. Tell your child why kids will not be allowed upstairs (so their own things aren't accidentally damaged) and absolutely stick to it or they will all be up there. Cutting the cake and the kids seeing a little party bad in the last ten minutes and then a parent will arrive to pick them up and don't chat too much to the parent, quick thank you, party bag and off you pop!

I meant Plate up the food individually! I have done tons of parties, for my own children, beavers, cubs, brownies etc and it's so much easier to do this

Wrap up prizes and have a lucky dip. Also have a table with either a named plate or party bag so that prizes can be put away safe - nothing worse at the end trying to find Billy’s prize or tears from Mary because she’s sure that hers was a red yo-yo rather than yellow

This is a great idea thanks! I’ll put the party bags on a table so they can drop any prizes straight in (they’re the stand up paper style bag with handles so I can write the names on. Just hope nobody brings uninvited siblings without warning me as there won’t be a party bag!)

Love the lucky dip idea. Do you use shredded paper as the ‘dip’ material?

If you have the space I would do bouncy castle, pinata, water balloons or little pistols, and maybe a magician (my parents got one when I was five and it blew my mind) can you do everything outside?

We have a big garden but it slopes too much for a bouncy castle (it’s like a hill!) Or I’d definitely get a bouncy castle.
Piñata is that where you hang a hollow thing from a tree and they all bash it with sticks? Then they all scrabble for the contents when it breaks? I like the idea but not sure 10 boys with sticks would behave? Can imagine someone getting a black eye 🤭

Water pistols probably no as my DD (7) recently stalked and soaked the next door neighbour through a trellis! And if they all get wet I’d have to find 10 spare outfits when they come in.

Problem with our garden is it’s quite steep and rocky, so we can do some games out there but they’ll need close supervision due to various hazards. And if it rains I’m screwed!

Magician sounds cool. I’ll look into that. DH is good at illusion tricks but they’d probably guess it was him 😂

I’m a teacher so I might be unusual but when we’ve had parties at home, structure and a timetable (in my head, not visible to others!) has always helped me. Boys and girls can get overexcited (no gender difference that I’ve observed) so you need some calm activities to split up the more exciting ones. I’d have a craft activity for when they arrive, then an organised game once enough children get there. Presents placed out of the way to be opened after the party. I literally get everyone sat down and say (in my teacher voice) that as soon as everyone’s quiet I’ll explain the rules. They then shh each other and actually listen. Having moments of calm reduces the potential for chaos! When they’re eating I have a cartoon on in another room so they can drift there once they’re finished. Some children will finish eating in two seconds flat, others can take days to eat a sandwich. Get everyone together to sing Happy Birthday and eat cake. And then just continue the games (with a TV / craft option for those who want to sit out).
I’d explicitly ask parents if they’re staying in advance, explaining that you want to know how much food/drink to get for adults so you’re not surprised one way or the other.

My mum and I (ex primary Headteacher) collaborate on my DC's parties and we have a structured approach.

Jobs split
Food, party bags and decorations - me
Games - Mum
Music and younger sibling wrangling - my Dad
DH is usually at work.

Have a clear idea of games before you start, and a timetable. Get everything you need if props are required. Make sure you have a mix of quieter and louder games, and think about the sequence of them. Controversial, but we never do pass the parcel. Mum thinks it isn't actually that fun and creates mess and arguments.

Limit numbers to what your house can accommodate (for us it's five children plus birthday child as winter birthdays).

Make and ice cup cakes, put them in the party bags at the beginning because I forget to cut and wrap cake, amongst all the clearing up after the tea and parents turning up early, and then it turns into a time pressured stressful faff.

Begin with a craft activity. Have it all laid out and ready before you start. If, for example, something involving small parts that could be shared like bracelets, do not share put all beads into individual bowls before the children arrive and make sure each bowl has special beads.

Have a bowl of sweets as prizes. Winner chooses first, and then offers round the bowl to everyone else.

No gaps between games. Exhausting, but worth it in the not trashing house stakes.

Our parties last two hours. First hour is craft/games, they eat at the beginning of hour two, then more games. Once for DD we taught them the macarena using a youtube video. Might not be quite such a hit with six year old boys.

Good luck!

I don’t get why people prefer drop offs at this age- I hate the idea of comforting or kindly resolving squabbling involving other peoples children, not to mention taking them to and from the loo so they know where to go. A woman recently left her child at a party I was at that wasn’t a drop off, her daughter was practically in tears the whole time.

We did a bouncy castle with music on, savoury food out for kids to help themselves (don’t leave the cake on display), then a few games (pass the parcel, piñata and pin the tail on the mermaid), cake comes out, cake cut up- eat and go.
We did processco for adults too- all fine!
Oh and presents go upstairs and opened after the party.
I also never let my child win pass the parcel- everyone gets a prize in the layers and a random child gets to win the big prize. My child gets presents from people, additional toys etc aren’t needed. But everyone does that differently

Only have girls so can’t help on the boy question sorry.
My basic party structure for an at home party is free play etc while everyone arrives. Then games. I do pass the parcel last and yes I look to choose the winner and choose someone who hasn’t won an earlier game. Once games are over free play. Then half an hour to eat and do the cake

I can only asume this poster has quiet well behaved DDs with similar friends. For 6 year old boys you need military organisation IME "free play" quickly becomes a free for all and fights break out.
10 six year olds is a lot in a normal sized house. 2 hours needs 10 or so games planned, I would not serve adults food or drink and definately not alcohol, it just makes your life more difficult.

Games:
Musical statues
Sack race/ relays/ wheelbarrow race
Simon says
Treasure hunt (in teams)
Stick the x on the y
Pass the parcel (last game before tea)
Whats the time Mr Wolf
Eating donuts/ party rings off the washing line
Art/craft thing if you are that way inclined (agree make it all individual)
Paper aeroplane competition (making then, racing - 1st,2nd,3rd prize birthday child judges)

Good luck

A piñata is a MASSIVE hit at this age. Mine expect them now, they’d be disappointed if it didn’t materialise.

No more bad behaviour than anything else, you just need to keep the queue from getting too close to the action.

For 6 year old boys you need military organisation IME "free play" quickly becomes a free for all and fights break out.

Not my experience at all. If they’ve space outside to run wild, that’s the best thing they could be doing.

I think it’s good to have a vague activity to focus on a free for all could get easily out of hand

With boys don't allow any free play time as they just want to run around shouting.

I write a list of activities and work through the list so there isn't any spare time, I have a couple of extra things on there in case an activity doesn't go down well/finishes quicker than expected.

You probably won't have time to chat to the other parents as you have to constantly be keeping the children busy.

The cake decorating idea of a PP is a good one, I always do that. Some children want to eat it right away and some want to take it home with them.

It's exhausting but fun, keep one of the bottles of Prosecco for you after everyone has gone home.

@traumatisednoodle I agree, free play is where it all goes wrong.

To add to your list of games -

Musical chairs
Stations
Wink murder
Kim's game
Squeak piggy squeak

Stations and wink murder are good because they can go on for as long as they find them fun - there is no end point.

*For 6 year old boys you need military organisation IME "free play" quickly becomes a free for all and fights break out.

Not my experience at all. If they’ve space outside to run wild, that’s the best thing they could be doing*

TBF I was talking about inside, if you've rolling acres the job's a goodun.

We hired halls for parties to stop our house being trashed. We wouldn't have had room to have lots of people at home. Good luck.