Kids party etiquette AIBU and best party tips

[StrangeToSee]

So DS will have his first (age 6) party at our home soon. I’ve only done soft-play parties before. Terrified!

How do you stop 10 little boys trashing your house? How do you calm them down?

On invitations I said parents welcome to stay (mentioned Prosecco and food) or drop off. How many do you think will stay? Hoping lots stay! It’s only 2 hours.

Pass the parcel: is it ok to look to ensure all get a turn and your kid doesn’t get the prize or is it meant to be random?

Is it ok for your kid to win any games? Eg musical statues or should you pull them out?

What’s the etiquette with gifts, do you put them out of reach so birthday boy doesn’t open them in front of friends?

Is ok to make everyone take shoes off (I offer disposable pop socks for anyone worried about bare feet)?

How do you deal if kids act up? Have you ever sent a kid home for bad behaviour?

I’ve planned games but also free play (garden if warm) but do I let them charge upstairs too?

[quote Callmecordelia]@traumatisednoodle I agree, free play is where it all goes wrong.

To add to your list of games -

Musical chairs
Stations
Wink murder
Kim's game
Squeak piggy squeak

Stations and wink murder are good because they can go on for as long as they find them fun - there is no end point.[/quote]
I agree.

Kim’s game/ the tray game is what I used to do as the activity before food. Gets everyone sat down (and calmed down) and everyone liked it. I worried kids would be bored/wouldn’t think it was a good game. But they all liked it and it meant no one was running around crazy at food time.

Also thought it was really weird when a po faced mum would whisk away unopened presents. Much nice for birthday child to open in front of the giver.

Hire or buy a mini bouncy castle. I have girls but one year dd invited all boys to a craft and games party insisting they would enjoy it. Massive mistake. t was an absolute disaster and I’m not exaggerating. It was like an episode of Motherland but worse.

Those little lads will do none of those nicey nicey games though. At dds they all ran off mid pass the parcel. They will not want to guess things on trays. That was where I went wrong.

Regarding free-play while children arrive - about 500 years ago when my children were little and I did parties at home, I used to cut postcards in half, and give each child half a postcard as they arrived and the game was to find the other half that was cunningly hidden in one of the rooms they were allowed into. The rooms they were allowed into were the ones where the door was left open.

Parties were a riot at my house, you can tell

I have had lots of boys parties. Things I learnt:

Don't be too prescriptive on the games. Some kids just want to wreak destruction and won't join in. Consider it a success if some sit down nicely and play!

Better when parents drop. Your house is emptier and you don't have two sets of people to look after. Also easier to run games when you don't feel there's an audience. (I can't recall any parents staying at ours other than a couple of friends to help).

Young boys do a lot of stockpiling and tipping of whole bowls of crisps onto their plate. Individual packets are one option. Or put the meal in a paper bag at their seat. Looks less nice but easy.

I'd rather give books (you can get nice ones from the Book People for a £1) than loads of plastic stuff. That said, it's a parental thing as the kids liked them

Had you thought about an outdoor game such as Capture the Flag? Might use up a bit of energy.

Good luck!

Do not open gifts- will take such a long time, more mess, jealous kids, what if you kid doesn’t like something or already has it. No- just send thank u messages afterwards referencing what it was “we love the book and can’t wait to read it tonight” kind of thing. Children are overwhelmed enough with friends, sugar etc- don’t through presents into the mix- use it as down time later

And definitely don't open presents at the party! Particularly if parents are there. There may be duplicates, it's hard to keep track for thank you cards and kids may be rather too honest about whether they already have one or whatever. It's nicer to open them in peace the next day.

Kids behave better, imo, when their parents are not there. I always encourage drop off.

Also have one person in charge of organising the games who either has that kind of tone that kids can’t ignore, or who can fake it.

No it’s much nicer for the giving child to see how happy their gift has made the giver and was a really nice bonding session at the beginning of the party. We only had parties for genuine friends though and less than 10 guests. Wouldn’t apply with mass class bash.

@TheTurn0fTheScrew

How do you stop 10 little boys trashing your house? How do you calm them down?

Move as much stuff like lamps, TV etc into your room beforehand, and cordon it off. Push the rest of the furniture to the side to create a clear party space.

We found lots and lots of structure helpful. On arrival, decorate your own paper party bags with stickers and glittery bits to take home, to keep people busy while you wait for everyone. Then we had a load of paper stars blu-tacked to the wall in the hall, each with a party activity/game written on - treasure hunt, musical statues, cake decorating, chocolate game, pass the parcel, apple bobbing etc. The key thing is that there were more activities than we could get through in the time.

The kids took it in turns to pick a star and we'd do that activity. DH and I tag teamed - one running the current activity in the sitting room, the other clearing up the previous one in the dining room, dealing with kids needing the loo, and redirecting those trying to invade bits of the house I didn't want them in, or bothering the cats.

I always shooed the parents away at the door - no-one needs to watch me heading up the Cha Cha Slide, and the house is too small for kids and parents. Loads easier to keep the kids in line if you're the only adult, weirdly.

Cake decorating (buy value plain cupcakes from the supermarket, about a quid for 12, make coloured butter icing and get sprinkles) was always the most popular activity, followed by a treasure hunt with simple clues, and then apple bobbing.

^your parties sound great. OP rather than encouraging parents to stay (who you may feel you need to host or waste time pouring drinks) I'd get a friend over. One of those friends with boundless energy who is great with children. Maybe this person above ^ 😂

Do not open gifts- will take such a long time, more mess, jealous kids, what if you kid doesn’t like something or already has it.

Yeah, it’s a bit of a minefield and there is plenty going on without it.

Pass the parcel....all the children including party child wins a tiny prize, the only prize the party child doesn't win is the main prize. I put something like bubbles etc in but friends put toy in.... No going upstairs. .try and keep them outside if nice day ...in for toilet only which only works of toilet downstairs. I always did an extra pass the parcel just in case.

We've had DSs 3rd and 4th birthday parties in the garden. Parents stayed and we had a bbq, lots of food for everyone. Took longer than 2 hours, though. Usually from 2pm until about 8pm. The kids mostly just entertained themselves. We have a trampoline, swings, climbing frame, slide, sandpit and a pool in the garden. We also get the bouncy castle out for parties.
Parents tended to just sit around and have a chat. It's quite nice since we haven't really had much of a chance to meet due to Covid.
The kids are allowed in DSs bedroom. It's where all the toys are, so I don't see why they wouldn't be allowed there. Our bedrooms are at garden level, though, so no big deal.
It's been the same at the other parties we've been to. I just consider it to be one big playdate.

Is it the 'done' thing to invite the whole class? Dc have only just started school and already been invited to 2 birthdays, which appear to be all class parties in local halls. I can't cope with running games etc so was thinking of hiring bouncy castle, maybe doing a couple games like pass the parcel and have craft stuff. The other alternative is hiring an entertainer (only costs slightly more than bouncy castle round here) who would run an hour and a half long party - has anyone done this?

So this year I've done my first at home party for my 6 year old (now 7) boy and I kinda dreaded it, but it went so much better than expected! We only invited his 6 closest friends, one asked to bring a sibling so ended up 9 children total including my 2 boys. I did ask parents in advance to advise if they are bringing siblings for numbers and there were no surprises.
We did a bouncy castle (I understand not an option for you), we also had other games/toys set up in the garden like swingball, skittles and other outdoor toys. We did a treasure hunt which the boys loved, musical statues, pinata, pass the parcel and a bubble machine, all of which went down well!

We were lucky with the weather so they were in the garden a lot. But we also had a large box of my son's train set (Thomas trackmaster) ready in the lounge and had moved away furniture to make more space. This was the only indoor space they were allowed to play in. They actually ended up playing with the track for about half the time!
We told son explicitly in advance that he and his friends were only allowed to play downstairs and he was fine with it, at this age they should understand basic house rules IMO!

So maybe have a box of toys ready that you're happy for them to play with if they get bored of party activities or want something quieter. I'd stay clear of Lego myself.

We did a variety of food and had a buffet table set up for snacks, fruit, biscuits etc and it was pretty much help yourself, later we did pizzas and the kids all sat down for that.

It was a lot more hassle than softplay but tbh I was so fed up with softplay parties that I really enjoyed it, and I think all the children did too.

Re: class invites, doesn’t matter if you invite only part of the class as long as it’s not all the girls barring 1 or all the boys barring 1

@Ducksarenotmyfriends

Is it the 'done' thing to invite the whole class? Dc have only just started school and already been invited to 2 birthdays, which appear to be all class parties in local halls. I can't cope with running games etc so was thinking of hiring bouncy castle, maybe doing a couple games like pass the parcel and have craft stuff. The other alternative is hiring an entertainer (only costs slightly more than bouncy castle round here) who would run an hour and a half long party - has anyone done this?

There’s no real done thing I find. Class parties are very common here when folks hire a hall. Other than that people tend to do all boys or all girls.

That said if you’re not confident running games then a whole class party with a bouncy castle isn’t an easy alternative - you won’t be able to have all the kids on the bouncy castle at the same time (unless they have a vvvv small class) so you’d still need games.

Craft activities are more hassle, imo, than games.

In your shoes I’d hire the entertainer, then keep a note of anything they do that you don’t expect and then next year copy bits of it and fake the confidence to do it and save yourself the cash!

Piñata - I’ve only seen it done where it’s one stick and they take turns to bash it once. So it becomes a bit of a competition as to who eventually cracks it. Bit less rowdy than all the kids having sticks.

I found having some activities up my sleeve useful. Even if it's a balloon challenge ( must not hit the floor) Build tallest tower with blocks or empty boxes outside Guess what it is - Box with hand sized hole and you put in items to identify - depending on the group could have slightly gross items like a peeled boiled egg.

Extra activities

IME, it will be carnage whatever your well laid plans. The wee buggers broke my dining table one year! Managed to smash 2 legs out from under it. That was the year every adult who said they would come didn't- had to phone my best friend in a panic 20minutes in.

The year someone dropped and ran, but also left their potty training, non english speaking 2 year old was bad too (tbough she turned out to be the best behaved guest!)

My top top is to always have more prizes that you need. Something will go wrong and cheer up surprises are helpful at that point. Make sure there is a quiet activity for less boistrous children (or when they all go mental and you need to try to regain control). Anything that can be outside, should be outside. Most parents I have had stay was 3 (of 10) for a school age at home party; I have found it needs to be somewhere they feel unsafe wanting to drop and run to get them to stay - park or similar (though this varies school to school).

We’re having a 6th birthday party this year too. This thread has made me terrified!

Lock the doors upstairs

That’s a good idea. Wonder if you can get temporary locks like high up stick on latches? Or do you think ‘PRIVATE NO ENTRY’ signs would keep them out eg my bedroom?

I want to let parents use the upstairs loo (downstairs is tiny with no privacy, no space to change a baby’s nappy etc and um might be a tight squeeze for some of the larger ladies.)

Stations
Wink murder
Kim's game

How do you play these? Also what’s capture the flag?

I thought of bulldog (on all 4s) but might be a bit risky in case of injury?

Also does anyone recall a game where mum puts a blue sheet on the floor and all the kids have to jump in and out of the ‘river’ at her instruction? Then she says ‘crocodiles’ and they all run? I remember playing it as a kid but can’t remember the rules. Does mum secretly select a kid to be the croc each time (to get kids out)?

Young boys do a lot of stockpiling and tipping of whole bowls of crisps onto their plate. Individual packets are one option. Or put the meal in a paper bag at their seat. Looks less nice but easy

Good idea! My son is great at knocking whole bowls of crisps onto the floor 🤦🏻‍♀️

What food do you suggest per kid? Eg a wrap, sausage rolls, packet of crisps, fruit shoot, little bowl of cherry tomatoes, raw carrots and satsuma? Do I bring sweet stuff out after they’ve finished savoury or just chuck some in each bag/box? Eg mini pack party rings, haribo.

Also what’s capture the flag? Is it suitable for a hilly slightly wild garden? Thanks