To ask why you finished a friendship?

[hahahayoumustbejoking]

Seems a lot of friendships going to the wall on MN. Got me thinking of ones I've ended.

1. When I was 19 and poor I showed an older and well off friend at college a bag in a shop I adored. Said I was saving up for it and even though it would take another few months I had my heart set on it. She turned up with it at college on the Monday, breezily swinging it on her arm. Never the same after that.

1. Had a niche holiday planned with a friend who then changed her mind and we cancelled and the whole thing fizzled out. Found out later she'd gone with others to the same venue instead.

1. Saw friend coming on to my then boyfriend (now DH). He was oblivious but I'd seen her do this to others. Desperate to be the most sexually attractive person to every man. Just thought 'can't be arsed with this anymore".

Anyone else got examples worth sharing?

I met a woman through a shared hobby about 6 years ago. She pursued the friendship very hard for several reasons, lots to do with our jobs. We were good friends, I’d say. This year, tho, she used my DH’s name to try to swing an advantage in something that could have lost him his job. He did nothing, she just used his name to try to say ‘Oh, I know Cherrysoup’s dh, so I’m right and you’re wrong’-legal matter but his manager queried why his name was on file and had he actually dealt with the matter as she said he had, he may well have been sacked. My dh was fuming, as was I. We both couldn’t stand her dh anyway, so no loss, tbh. I’m just unreasonably cross that she deleted me from FB first!

I called it a day with a friend I had met at college when we were 19 or so.
Our mutual friend had died. I had gone to the house of our dead friend with grieving parents and boyfriend to help clear. I was given a suitcase and told to fill with whichever books I wanted which I did. They were glad to have some shelves cleared.
Friend and I went back together with grieving boyfriend the next day. She found I had taken books and then went very bitchy saying "I would never take stuff without asking everyone first, I'm not grabby like that". I put it down to grief and let her off but then began to notice other times she was bitchy and eventually ended the friendship a couple of years later.

My ‘best friend’ of about five years became a little frosty towards me when I started seeing a new boyfriend. Looking back I think I was neglecting her a bit but heck we were grown women and I think most people go through that stage at the start of a new relationship where you can’t get enough of each other. One day on the phone I told her that my Grandmother who I was very close to had taken a turn for the worst and had been admitted to a hospice and was not expected to live for more than a few days. She was kind and sympathetic during that phone call but never mentioned it again. She never once called or even texted to ask how she was doing. My Grandmother passed away about a week later and although my ‘friend’ and I spoke during this time nothing was said. The funeral came and went, she didn’t even know that she’d died and I didn’t tell her. Months passed and still no mention of it. She had supported me during a previous family death so I can’t put it down to her feeling awkward or uncomfortable discussing it. I became increasingly resentful and started ignoring her calls. She moved away for work not long after and we lost touch for about 6 months until she called me early one morning to say that her mother had died suddenly. I texted her on the day of her mother’s funeral to say that I was thinking of her but we have not spoken since. We were very close (or so I thought) and am still a bit hurt if I’m honest

Ended friendship of twenty years when I realised that she preferred it when I wasn’t
doing well in life

I've lost three friends during the lockdown and felt very sad about this but now I realise they used the situation as a reason to drift and probably wanted to end our friendship so I'm just going to let them go and stop contacting them. I was losing self respect by keeping in touch with one-sided texts. x

Had a friend who was a bit of an emotional vampire - every meet up was dedicated to a long and drawn out litany of her woes. For a while I tried to be supportive but it was always a 1-way street. She took very little interest in my life. The final straw was when my mother had a hideous 6 month battle with cancer and then died and she barely acknowledged it.

A few reasons. Flaky behaviour. One friend lately unless I get in touch.. no birthday text. She busy busy but is able to fit in other people. 20 year friend. Its made me do stuff on my own lately. Loyalty is gone I feel. Trying join new things

First one that comes to mind...
Been friends a few years when something awful happened in her life.
We as a family were there for her.
Husband and son took on her garden,me being at her beck and call.
So this went on for a few years....

Then I was told by 2 other friends of hers about why she was suddenly so happy but they were not to tell anyone because she was only telling close friends.
I suddenly felt used,we were supposed to keep feeling sorry for her and keep helping out so we just became unavailable.

I was hoping she would have asked why but she never did.

a friend who always felt off but we got very close. eventually she shared her DH was controlling and abusive and i supported her while she gathered the strength to leave him. within days of leaving him it turned out she’d started a relationship with my DB before that and it felt so off to me i eventually lost it. she was very very clever about it and i ended up looking like the bad guy about it.

I was friends with someone for 16 years. I slowly started to realise that she put me down and it dawned on me that it got a lot worse when I got with DH. Up until then I’d always been the sad single friend with a sad tale to tell whereas she’d boast about how secure she was in her relationship. When things started to go well for me, she seemed to hate it. She sent me a stream of mean texts and I realised that we just couldn’t be friends anymore.

Here's a few:-

1. Got accused of defrauding her (benefit fraud) when I hadn't been - then she tried to accuse our other mutual best friend. I'd been best friends with the first one from when we were 5 to 25.

1. Tried to get me to transfer some money to her abroad, it went wrong, she went nuts. She was a strange character generally - I'd go to e.g. West London and she wouldn't turn up for hours, on more than one occasion.

1. Had this friend for 2 years in high school, lost touch when I moved school. We reconnected in our 30's and then hung out as 'single friends'. She dropped me like a brick when she got a nice new boyfriend who she spent every waking hour with. I could've handled that one better I guess.

1. Made a friend through friend of friend, we all went out with other friends, I hung out with her a lot. Then she got pregnant and was with a boyfriend, that went wrong, he moved out so I started socialising with her again. We were 'best friends'. She asked me to go on holiday abroad with her and her DP and DD, all booked, I'd paid most of the money for it. She had birthday drinks out everything seemed normal but she was back with the ex-boyfriend. That was fine. Then I went for dinner with a mutual friend who mentioned that maybe I wasn't invited on the holiday - 'I said "no that's not right S would never do that to me'. A week later got an email from her saying that her boyfriend wanted to come instead and so I was uninvited. I went mental at her, demanded my money back but was really angry she could even think of doing this, by email too. She said by email because she knew I'd get angry in person. Friendship ended but we were still connected on linkedin and I congratulated her on a new job and said hoped she was ok, we planned to maybe meet up. Then I saw on a mutual friend's FB wall she was bitching about me from before... That was it, sent her a message on Linked In to say F off out of my life. I heard from another mutual friend that S is like this, when she gets a boyfriend she ditches her friends.

Whoah that was long!

There was one friend years ago I was at college with. We got on really well. We both left college and started jobs but she became pregnant (unplanned). Her boyfriend was being distant and as I'd had previous friends who were pregnant young I knew what happened, e.g. they often had no spare time. I kept in touch but we lost touch. I think I was young and preferred to go out and be social and not have to worry about a baby/kids as I didn't have any. So I was a bit selfish and should've been more understanding.

We connected years later via FB and met up and she's a good friend of my current boyfriend so we're hoping to meet up.

I've ended a few, never acrimonious, just let them drop. In each case the other person was completely self absorbed, or in one case, using me.

A few years ago (and I don’t really care if she’s on here and this is outing) a close friend who I spent a lot of time with started an affair with someone she met on holiday, but she dragged her kids aged 6 and 9 at the time along with her to stay at his house etc telling them they couldn’t tell daddy as he hates them and won’t let us see them! I didn't agree with the affair but would nt have ended the friendship over it, but I didn’t like how she involved and manipulated the kids like that. She also brought him and his kids on an event with us without telling me which was really awkward as we got on well with her DH and the other man was a first class twat as well!

I was clearly being used by a group of "mum" friends....always happy for me to make plans/drive/host, but never once in 4 years got a reciprocal invite. However it, was one person in the group that led to me ducking out permanently - she was astoundingly rude and thoughtless, telling me I talked too much the moment I opened my mouth, policing me online and she even turned up on my doorstep to tell me she was pregnant despite knowing I had a long history of miscarriage - I was actually muscarrying at the time and had to rearrange my face to look happy for her. Final two nails in the coffin were organising an event for us all and not getting even a basic word of thanks, and two of the children in the group bullying mine within earshot of their parents and them allowing it. Really didn't need friends who made me feel used and like shit.

She said I didn't deserve a boyfriend because I was fat and she was thin. I had been seeing someone for about a year and she had a different date every weekend during that time. She told me to dump him so I dumped her instead. Best thing I ever did.

One shagged my boyfriend-his baby was 4 months old-and then beat me up in front of my other children before trying to snatch my baby
Both skipped off into the sunset-broke up when the sex wore off and both have tried to come snivelling back

Another is an older lady who I met at work
She was bloody full on all the time-I did her hair and she expected me to tell her what my plans where every single day,message her 10+ times a day (I don’t even message my partner and kids everyday) shed buy me presents and expect me to buy them back,she’d expect me to drop everything if she wanted her hair doing,she’d gossip and slag everyone off (which means she’ll do the same about me) call me flaky when I refused to fill her in on my life minute by minute and the last straw was when she called my mil ‘mum’ and then she asked me,in front of my mil if I’d had sex with my partner on our sofa that day/ever

I died with embarrassment-I’m no prude but my poor mil doesn’t need to know about the details of my sex life with her son

Her ex assaulted me and she didn't believe me and sided with him. I only realised after I cut off contact – and had a LOT of therapy to deal with the assault – how toxic a friend she had been over many, many years.

A friend who I used to always buy theatre tickets for even though she and her dh both worked and Im on benefits.
She came into about 3 grand and said we could go out for dinner. I assumed it would be her treat but what she actually treated me to was a free bottle of wine that she had a voucher for. Just changed the whole way I viewed her.