To ask why you finished a friendship?

[hahahayoumustbejoking]

Seems a lot of friendships going to the wall on MN. Got me thinking of ones I've ended.

1. When I was 19 and poor I showed an older and well off friend at college a bag in a shop I adored. Said I was saving up for it and even though it would take another few months I had my heart set on it. She turned up with it at college on the Monday, breezily swinging it on her arm. Never the same after that.

1. Had a niche holiday planned with a friend who then changed her mind and we cancelled and the whole thing fizzled out. Found out later she'd gone with others to the same venue instead.

1. Saw friend coming on to my then boyfriend (now DH). He was oblivious but I'd seen her do this to others. Desperate to be the most sexually attractive person to every man. Just thought 'can't be arsed with this anymore".

Anyone else got examples worth sharing?

Her family really disliked me, made snide comments about my family, what I wore, rehashed over and over an embarrassing moment I had when I was a teenager. It just all became too much as I was a very quite introverted person so I just distanced myself from her and her family. I barely remember last week but I can still remember how shit I felt when they would blindside me with some humiliating comment or other. To my shame she did invite me to her wedding which I disgracefully cancelled the morning of as I just couldn’t face introducing my DH to her family and for him to see how they treated me.

1. a friend I dropped when I discovered she was not only seeing someone else, six months after marrying her husband; but was telling the husband she was with me when she was doing so.

When I sublet a room from her for a brief period I discovered she was drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, but I only realised later, from snide comments that her husband made to and about me, that she had been telling him that it was me drinking all their alcohol. Bye bye cheating friend. (I would have felt sorry for the husband but he was an arsehole who made casual racist comments, so I didn’t feel any responsibility towards him.)

1. My then partner cheated on me and left. I rang a close (gay male) friend in tears asking if he could meet me for a cup of tea as I was so upset and needed someone to talk to. He said he couldn’t, as he had a holiday booked for three weeks’ time, and wanted to get on track with his shopping and packing before then, —but he’d be back from his holiday in five weeks if I would like to meet up then for a drink?

Bye bye emotionally stunted (boarding-school educated from the age of 8) male friend — who was such a good friend when it was all cocktails and fun, but really didn’t want to deal with other people’s emotions or anything difficult like that.

1. My partner of ten years was diagnosed with an acute and rapid onset cancer which has a very high mortality rate. We didn’t know if my partner would die - it was very serious. Rang to tell a girl who was a mutual close friend of both of ours, and when I had finished telling her about it, she then proceeded to spend 40 minutes telling me how difficult it was for her that she’d recently moved jobs and didn’t get on with her new boss.

She lived ten minutes by bus from the hospital (where my partner was for the next ten months). I worked three minutes’ walk from her office and lived ten minutes’ walk away. She never so much as emailed me or contacted me the whole time my partner was in hospital, or visited, or did anything. When my partner was finally released from hospital after ten months of chemo and near-death ICU survival, she emailed suggesting we go out for drinks to celebrate her (new) new job. Bye bye, friend who was so astonishingly self-centred that she could not manage even a call or a card or a twenty minute hospital visit, or bear any conversation or event where she was not the centre of attention.

1. Had been talking about herself the whole time I knew her. Final straw was her not being happy for me when I got a proper professional job for the first time - we’d met through doing “filler” type jobs. All she could say was “now I’m the only one who doesn’t have a proper job”.

1. Two friends spent years being quite snide and trying to make me the butt of jokes. Finally got sick of it after I raised it with them, they came up with some excuse and then said “oh now you’ve been corrected”

1. She became incredibly self absorbed and selfish, it was all about her.

1. She was controlling, always needed to know where I was and what I was doing and would lose it if I didn't do what she wanted.

1. We had planned a weekend away for her 40th, 4 of us, all went quiet (covid). One Sunday I text her to ask if she wanted to meet for coffee and she replied to say that she was away for the weekend with the other two and someone else for her 40th.

I was worried it was me but this thread has reassured me!

I got bored of chasing her. We had been friends since secondary school. We were bridesmaids at each others weddings. After a while I realised it was always me initiating making plans and it was always me who txt her first. I eventually got sick of it and called her out on it, asking her if she was still interested in the friendship...and she ignored me for a week! It really was not worth saving. It just was not meant to be and I wish her the best.

Slept with my children’s father

I had a very close friendship like I was going to be her birth partner close. We had a shared hatred of my long term ex, she was my confidante. He physically repulsed her. Used to say to me I don't know how you do it?! Can anyone see where this was going? She now lives in the house I renovated, sleeps in a bed I bought and draws my Laura Ashley curtains at night! I wish she could have been more decent to me in the aftermath. I have to say she's very welcome to "Mr Burns" she is his Smithers. I wake up every day to someone who loves and adores me now and it's literally the best feeling.

Saw friend coming on to my then boyfriend (now DH). He was oblivious but I'd seen her do this to others. Desperate to be the most sexually attractive person to every man. Just thought 'can't be arsed with this anymore

This exactly op. I had turned a blind eye to it a few times as the guys I dated always laughed her off, but I got sick of it in the end and ghosted her (which I do actually regret).

I still pine a bit for her now 15 years later, because she was the only friend I ever had that shared the same spiritual beliefs and interests as me, and we just connected so well in a lot of ways.

I had so much fun with my ex friend as well. I guess that’s why it’s such a loss to many on here?

I meant to quote @vanpod directly above my earlier post. The neediness to have men texting/phoning/coming to her door at all hours was just 👋 long before I should have

Ditched an ex colleague and friend a few years ago....she was quite awful to work with....very self entitled....she became very demanding and self centred and bleated on about her soon to be famous footballer 24 year old son for hours....soooooo boring....he is now 27 and no contract etc.....And every thing was so unfair for her...and blamed everyone else for parking tickets, clamping etc etc....so happy i blocked her and dont see her anymore....a huge relief knowing she wont ring at 4 am to chat about another parking ticket etc...!!

Had a friend who was always late, not just a few minutes, once we arranged to meet at 8pm and she turned up at 11pm and kicked off because I know she’s always late I should have waited. I was always the cover for her seeing a much older man. After I started seeing someone myself I started not being as available for her and she went nuts that I was selfish because now she had no one to take with her when seeing her older man (he was a DJ and she followed him around all his gigs). At the time I had a full time job and part time bar job, she called me one day at work kicking off, then at work that night when I was behind the bar. I went NC from that day on.

Another set of friends, a couple. I actually got on better with the husband but the wife my “best friend” whose hen party I organised, went dress shopping with, I would run around for, I would even arrange my birthday celebrations around her. I eventually realised I was actually hanging out with her husband, I’d go over for dinner, she’d say come over at 6, we’d eventually eat about 11 because she’d spend all night outside smoking and drinking wine on her own chatting to her mum, work colleagues and brothers for hours while I sat inside with her husband. There were a few final straws, one was when I realised she had never once been to my home despite lots of invites and two I’d be put in the middle of her and her husbands arguments and three when she was drunk she told me she was cheating on her husband and couldn’t believe I wasn’t ok with it.

Ah one of the joys of getting older is ditching arsehole friends!

One I let drift as she is racist and always very critical of me and my family.

Another feels like it’s on the way out. I hurt myself very badly and while she did help out with my D.C. we went from seeing each other weekly to seeing her 4 times in the last 6 mths. Even when I desperately asked for a play for the small ones at my place, as my smallest was really struggling through my recovery she blew me off, too busy.

A few of my friends showed their true colours after my Dad passed away. It really made me see them in a different light and things were never the same.

Same as an earlier poster, a married friend stopped coming out every now and then as she was having an affair with a fellow from our work but telling her hubby she was out with me.

I sucked that up for a while until they were ''outed'' at work, and then the fellow pointed the finger at me saying I had told people about them being together when in fact her very distinguished car and his truck were often seen parked up together at the local (to work) park for long periods of time.

My best friend from school hooked up with a married man who moved her into his holiday house 4 hours away. I was never invited to visit, and rarely contacted, so I guess you could say she dropped me.

Prior to that we had shared my Gran's house and she had a BF visiting however later gossip was I was sleeping with my BF at the time as well as her BF from the same period. A 2nd friend from school would also come and go while giving out my Gran's landline.

The people spreading the gossip had no direct connection to my life at the time and it was all just hearsay, but both school friends were long gone from the area when I was left to deal with the fallout and I could have done with their support. My Gran returned to her house and was receiving male visitors who were apparently looking for me hearing I was up for a good time. :(

So by my mid twenties I just couldn't be bothered again to try friendships for a long while.

I'm much older now, and have one older friend and we check in with each other once a month or so. It's probably fair to say I have a distrust element going on as I felt let down by my earlier friends and I just cannot be arsed to go through that again.

I also feel perhaps I have a ''bum'' detector when picking friends too!

Had no respect for my time. The tipping point was when I had arranged to travel from where I lived (near Reading) into London to meet up with him. So did require a bit of time and effort to get from my house to his flat.

He phoned me to cancel, but not until I was already on the train. Didn't even have a good excuse, was just tired (and I suspect hungover as it was late on a Saturday morning). I tried to explain I was already on my way. Couldn't be bothered arranging to meet after that particular occasion.

Found her in bed with my 17-year-old son.That pretty much did it. Thankfully, son was able and willing to shake her off like a bad case of fleas, just as I did.

Realised that I was depressed each time I saw her because she’d spent the whole time giving me little put-downs.

Nothing as dramatic as some of these with me. But I have needed to end things a few times (3?) with women who just had a very different idea of friendship than I had. I’m just not the personality type to sustain ‘chatty phone call every day’ or weekend after weekend together.

One woman would get shirty with me if I didn’t reply to her text (nothing urgent) within a few hours. Another woman was forever buying me gifts and clearly expected the same back. The last wanted our DDs to be bffs and forced a lot of strange looooooong playdates on us.

Basically I can’t be doing with friends for whom I’m not a real person, but some like some kind of human coathanger that they want to hang their emotional issues onto. It feels smothering and weird to me, so I back out gracefully. I always give them the chance to take my preferences into account and find a compromise but none have taken me up on it! It reinforces things for me when I discover afterwards it was always ‘their way or the highway’.

The friend who was absolutely horrible to me at school OR my best friend - you’d never know what you’d get. When we left school I think she realised that all the “cool” kids she would ditch me for didn’t actually care about her and she got very intense - sending me long emails and calling several times a day, which I didn’t have time for while trying to do a degree and work at the same time. She’d also make little digs at me, about my accent, my relationship, my degree, etc, I think probably a form of negging. Eventually I saw how awful she’d been to me for literally the last 10 years and tried to ghost her - she realised what was happening and went crazy calling numerous times a day and sending long emails, until I snapped and sent her a message detailing how awful she was/is. Her last words to me were “one day you’ll look back and regret cutting off this friendship.” Well, if you’re reading this Ellie, it’s been 10 years and I absolutely do not.

@PieceOfString This is so horrible, it made me tear up. As a nursing student (second career), I promise you I will never treat a patient or their family in this way. I'll learn from your ex friend as a negative example!

Like a lot of PPs I've used Covid as an excuse to let a friendship fade. "Friend" was a long-time colleague who I liked very much. She noticed I'd been a bit spaced out and I admitted I had a crush on someone I'd met through work (not a co-worker but a regular contact) and was trying to manage it and remain professional. I got over the crush. Some years later my crush object took up with colleague's close friend (my friendly acquaintance) and both stopped talking to me. You can guess the rest. My now XF not only blabbed but denigrated me and told them I might be stalking them. If I had the time to stalk them I'd be doing something far more interesting with that time!

This thread made me count how many friendships I have ended. Six. They all had the same theme - toxic people, told lies, bitchy and draining my emotional energy.
Can't be doing with that.

One I met for coffee years later because she wanted to apologize to me and said she's matured and felt she owed me an explanation for not being a good friend. I respect her for that and we still chat every now and then.

Someone who I met through work. She was great as a friend to begin with, but the cracks started showing that she was jealous of me. It was horrible. She’d cause a scene. The last night I saw her she ended up at my male friends house slagging me off, I’ve pretty much known him all my life, it was a dick move on her part as he tore strips off her. Next morning she came to collect her belongings along with her car and buggered off into the sunset. She did leave a message for me in my pigeon hole a few years later, but I never responded, I just didn’t want to go there again.