AIBU: Was I rude to not let my uninvited friend come into my house?

[PandemicAtTheDisco]

I love having guests but only when they are expected. I'm not keen on people just dropping in.

I have poor health and am quite busy. I am not always up to visitors. I don't always have a clean and tidy house and I feel uncomfortable if people turn up and the house is a mess.

I am busy at times and need quiet time to destress. I'm not always sociable. If I'm not that well then I don't want to have to host guests. I also don't want people turning up when I'm cooking or we are eating.

I have told my friend many times not to just turn up. I've told her to ring first and ask. She has turned up even when I told her I was busy with family and specifically asked her not to visit.

Three days ago she turned up and I didn't hear the door. She thought I was purposely ignoring her (I'm hearing impaired). I told her she needed to prearrange a visit as the house was a mess and I didn't want anyone in until I'd sorted it.

She told me it didn't bother her if my house was a tip but I told her it bothered me and I'd like her to check with me first before just turning up. I don't visit her without pre arranging as she doesn't like people to drop in unexpectedly at her house. I don't ever drop in at hers without an invitation but I know she would let me in if I did. She would just moan to everyone about it afterwards.

Today she turned up when we were eating. She was upset I refused to let her in as she said she had text me. She text 7 minutes before to ask and as I was in the kitchen I didn't see or respond to her message.

I talked to her at the door and there was no problem that she urgently needed to see me about, she had just called in. I said we were eating and I'd see her later at a prearranged activity. She was obviously upset I wouldn't let her in.

I'm a bit apprehensive about seeing her tonight at 8:30.

AIBU: Was I rude to not let my friend come in my house today when she dropped in unexpectedly?

I'm really bewildered by how she's acting. She seems unable to accept that I'm not backing down.

I think she expects the strategy of wearing people down to work.

Why did you chat to her for 10 minutes, I think it will confirm in her mind that you are beginning to wear down!! The suggestions from Lookitsmeagain and Across the Pond for alternative responses to chatting to her are both good ideas!

Keep going ...you are getting there but don't get worn down!

My close friends drop in occasionally, and know they can do it without warning, but usually ring or text first, as we don’t live close by, so they’d have a wasted journey.
I have one friend that has just dropped in whenever he feels like it, usually after he has busted family who live close to me, but 3hiurs from him. The first couple of times, I let him in, and told him I would prefer some notice; after all, he knows he’s bloody driving here, so could let me know the day before, or on the way. He carried on ignoring what I’d said , so now I don’t let him in. He gets ratty, but that’s his problem.

YANBU. Your home, your rules.

My cousin had a notice on her door, that said ‘If you’ve come to see me, walk in! If you’ve come to see my house, make an appointment!

I hope you continue to feel well, OP, and all the very best to you.