Stranger touched baby’s face - AIBU?

[summerisler]

In a cafe with my two small DC earlier today. DD just turned 1. As I was cutting up some food for her, an elderly man suddenly appeared at the side of her pram. He picked up a toy that I wasn’t aware she had dropped and then reached out and stroked and pinched her cheek. He reached out so fast that I had no time to react to stop him. I have a real dislike of people touching strangers babies. When DS was a baby I was stopped on a zebra crossing by a woman demanding to see him in his sling, and a woman in a cafe asked me if she could hold him. I said no and she very loudly badmouthed me to her friends at the next table - which I just thought was bonkers. Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Back to today - I approached the man and told him that I was upset that he felt it appropriate to touch my baby’s face. For context, today was the first day we’ve been to an indoor cafe since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD. I was polite but made my upset known and he apologised.

Is this a generational thing? I would never touch a baby without asking the parent/cater for permission. Curious to know thoughts on this. I don’t think I was unreasonable telling this man he was in the wrong.

Have people forgotten we’re in a pandemic?! I’d be fuming too! By all means say hello but keep your hands to yourself!!

And ideally can't understand why you felt the need to humiliate the guy. What are you gaining from telling him off exactly?

Communities are glued together by this kind of micro-interaction and the world is a poorer place if people don't connect at all with strangers any more.

No need for you to have said something to him. What was the point? It’s not like he was going to do it again. Poor man I hope you haven’t put him off interacting with other babies in the future.

I feel so sad for this poor man. He was being nice and look what he got for it. What a nasty and spiteful thing for the OP to do.

Surely with covid it is not hygienic. Maybe remind him that babies haven't been immunised. In a nice way of course. He probably just thought your baby was adorable, and didn't think twice.

We shouldn't be touching other people's babies, no, especially not now. I used to hate people touching my dch when they were little, and I wouldn't do it. So hard to resist tickling their little toes! But this man sounds as if he was being kind, and he hadn't got the memo about not touching. I think YABU to speak to him about it. How sad.

I wouldn't let a stranger hold my baby, but I wouldn't have any problem with anybody stroking my baby's face out of kindness. Definitely a generational thing and I can't believe you made him feel the need to apologise to you.

@KeflavikAirport

Communities are glued together by this kind of micro-interaction and the world is a poorer place if people don't connect at all with strangers any more.

like

For the people saying "it's a generational thing"...

Yes it absolutely is!

It's 2021. We are still in a pandemic.

Thank your lucky stars you weren't raising babies in this environment. Understand that things are now very very different. And people should act accordingly.

You were breathtakingly rude.
Why did you chase the poor bloke down to berate him? Your DD is a toddler not a newborn.

Fyi don't take her to southern Europe/Asia/Africa as most other countries love to embrace kids. And people complain that the UK is child unfriendly

You probably made an old man feel really shit about himself :(

I have a 1 yo and any covid worries would be DD passing her bugs to him!

@Comedycook

Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Me! When dd was a baby, a group of older quite posh ladies were paying her a lot of attention and one asked to hold her...I happily handed her over and ate my lunch with both hands!

Yeah I did a similar thing. I was utterly relieved to be able to drink a coffee and scoff some cake.

Gosh - I wouldn't have said anything - that's quite rude, poor guy!

I think it's a generational thing but you really shouldn't have reacted like that.

I think you're being a touch pfb... I wouldn't mind this, I was in the supermarket last weekend, DD was having an almighty strop, I was almost close to tears and the checkout assistant took DD put her on her lap and got her to help scan the shopping, I was so grateful for the kindness. You may not feel comfortable with it, that's your right completely, but sometimes those moments of kindness from strangers are really welcome.

This makes me sad. The very last time I ever saw my lovely dad he stroked dds face and held her hand . He hadn’t met her due to covid and she hadn’t seen any new people either and it was such a lovely moment and this has just reminded me
Off to cry
I miss him

@JudgeJ

Presumably so OP can feel satisfied he'll never do it again and will have thus protected other toddlers from such violation whilst the old man worries the lady with the babies thinks he's a paedophile

Sanctimonious twaddle! Maybe she'll take more care of her child's possessions in future. Violation? You sound like the sort of person for whom breaking a nail is a trauma!

Yeah you missed the sarcasm in my post

I also think you're breathtakingly rude for actually telling him, it's highly likely you'd have seen him again so I would've just not said a word.

I wouldn’t touch someone’s child, and I wouldn’t be keen on a stranger touching my child.

But I would never be so patronising and nasty to go and give someone a talking to and have them apologise for being friendly.

Awful behaviour from you.

This is sad to hear. Imagine how the old man felt, when he was only being kind. I bet it really upset him.

@IceLace100

For the people saying "it's a generational thing"...

Yes it absolutely is!

It's 2021. We are still in a pandemic.

Thank your lucky stars you weren't raising babies in this environment. Understand that things are now very very different. And people should act accordingly.

I AM raising babies in this and I still think OP was rude.

Op isn't worried about covid. She's said that. And there's more risk from being in the cafe than a brief touch on a cheek which she could then clean.

This is about whether he touched her inappropriately - even tho op knows it wasn't sexual, was sat there, it wasn't an automatic reaction in the heat of them moment. She deliberately left it then went over to tell him off like he was a dirty old man

@IdontUnderstamd

This makes me sad. The very last time I ever saw my lovely dad he stroked dds face and held her hand . He hadn’t met her due to covid and she hadn’t seen any new people either and it was such a lovely moment and this has just reminded me Off to cry I miss him

I do really hope you never need a strangers kindness in the future as you don't deserve it.

@lyntheyresexpeople

It's nothing to do with instilling boundaries young ffs - she's one! She doesn't have a bloody clue what you're on about, all she knows is a nice man gave her the toy back. You're using boundaries as an excuse when as a pp said, you're just being precious about your child. If you didn't like it fine, but a reasonable person would have smiled and said thank you for picking the toy up. Not approached an elderly man and told him off for being kind. Saying it's upset you is so OTT it's absolute madness, and so self involved - do you not realise you've probably really upset him?! And embarrassed him in front of his wife to boot. If you're going to be so uptight about every person or thing that your children encounter, I'd honestly keep them home. One of the most ludicrous things I've read in a long time.

Exactly

Op same thing happened to me in a cafe, I felt grossed out but he was elderly and I thought I would really upset him so said nothing. It can be hard to be old and too many people have little or no daily contact with others so something like this could be magnified in his mind and cause real distress when no harm was intended. I just smiled and surreptitiously wiped babies face. Covid and all that.