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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what was the most prolific thing you have done to change your life for the better?

355 replies

Dotdotlineline · 09/09/2021 13:08

I'm in a bit of a funk today so want to know what other people do when faced with an idea of changing something.

Has anyone ever made a drastic or even a small change for the better? Whether that be spiritually / money wise or with themselves?

I keep thinking about the notion that 'life is what you make of it' and questioning where I am going wrong.

OP posts:
doglikescheeseontoast · 11/09/2021 16:41

I left my job where I was being hideously bullied by an awful manager.

When I say I left my job - I spent a Monday morning having her stand over me between the door and me in my tiny individual office shouting at me for my shortcomings and asking what I intended to do about it.

After she left, I sat very quietly for a while, then turned by computer off, got up and left. I never went back.

doglikescheeseontoast · 11/09/2021 16:43

'By' = 'my', obviously.

weegiemum · 11/09/2021 16:44

Definitely therapy.

Getting married and becoming a mum.

Going back to studying in my late 30s doing something I loved just for the sake of it.

Thadhiya · 11/09/2021 17:14

Retrained in a technical and lucrative career. I have no interest in jobs with tiny poverty salaries, so committing to this goal means very strong finances and plenty of scope for more.

There's not many women in tech roles, despite the additional encouragements, scholarships and networking schemes, and I'm baffled why, as it's well-paid, well-respected and flexible.

imnottoofussed · 11/09/2021 17:26

@Thadhiya can I ask what training and job role? I need inspiration to make some changes in my life

lazylinguist · 11/09/2021 17:36

@doglikescheeseontoast - well done for getting out. Your former boss sounds horrendous. I hope eventually she gets in trouble for her bullying behaviour. Some people really have no idea how to get the best out of their employees and colleagues.

user908768543 · 11/09/2021 17:36

Gone for the job(s) I wasn't sure I could do, but wanted to. I try to take a "think like a man" mentality.

EarthAngel48 · 11/09/2021 17:37

Left the crappy alternative provision School I was teaching in. Profit really came before children. It was staffed by unqualified staff with a huge chip on their shoulder having had a poor experience at School themselves.

madmomma · 11/09/2021 22:25

TaraR2020 I'd always felt a spiritual pull, since being a young child and hearing the gospel at school, but my parents were hard-line atheists, so I pushed it to one side. Until one of my children was in a lot of distress, the root of which I was powerless to change. I felt so helpless, and out of desperation started adding a prayer on to my nightly routine, to ask for guidance on how to help her. My nightly routine at the time was listing gratitudes, (something I'd been doing to help me get through a tough divorce) and praying seemed to flow quite naturally from that. Once the seed of those first few prayers was sown, it very quickly grew, and I became to need those times of prayer more frequently. It started feeling like a relationship that I didn't want to neglect. Life moved on and my faith was quite fragile for a few years, but with each difficulty the prayers intensified and I felt the presence of God more and more closely. So in terms of prayer changing my life, I've gone from a sense of feeling existentially lost, to feeling known, heard, supported by a love beyond understanding. That sense of being centred has made me much more stable, resilient and happy.

nopuppiesallowed · 11/09/2021 23:00

@madmomma I also came from a non Christian background and becoming a Christian and developing a relationship with Jesus completely changed my life. 55 years later, I've never regretted that leap of faith.

TaraR2020 · 11/09/2021 23:21

@madmomma that's wonderful, thank you for sharing :)

I'm also very spiritual and feel a pull towards some sort of faith but I don't have a religious one. I've been feeling a lack of spirituality in my life lately, I don't have a religious faith. I might try it :)

I hope you child is in a much better place now btw.

leavesthataregreen · 12/09/2021 00:02

@Rosewaterblossom

I started investing in some tools. It's amazing how many little jobs around the house you can get done without relying on paying/waiting for someone else to do it when you have the little tools and YouTube!
That is so impressive. I want to be that person but am not.
Farfalle88 · 12/09/2021 00:05

@madmomma

TaraR2020 I'd always felt a spiritual pull, since being a young child and hearing the gospel at school, but my parents were hard-line atheists, so I pushed it to one side. Until one of my children was in a lot of distress, the root of which I was powerless to change. I felt so helpless, and out of desperation started adding a prayer on to my nightly routine, to ask for guidance on how to help her. My nightly routine at the time was listing gratitudes, (something I'd been doing to help me get through a tough divorce) and praying seemed to flow quite naturally from that. Once the seed of those first few prayers was sown, it very quickly grew, and I became to need those times of prayer more frequently. It started feeling like a relationship that I didn't want to neglect. Life moved on and my faith was quite fragile for a few years, but with each difficulty the prayers intensified and I felt the presence of God more and more closely. So in terms of prayer changing my life, I've gone from a sense of feeling existentially lost, to feeling known, heard, supported by a love beyond understanding. That sense of being centred has made me much more stable, resilient and happy.
That is really inspiring! Did you find it helped your child too?
DivingBoardInGuernsey · 12/09/2021 08:20

Adopting amazing DC
Realising time is limited - spending as much time with my mum as possible, just pottering and grateful for time with her
Only seeing friends where we build each other up and the support is mutual (cut out the "drains")

Off track at the moment, regained loads of weight and stopped making time for me. Exhausted and emotional. Changes planned for this week:

  • drop down by half a day a week at work through masses of TOIL accrued
  • put DC into 1 after school club a week so my afternoon off is a bit longer
  • start seeing an acupuncturist
Simonjt · 12/09/2021 08:46

Put myself and my needs first, not in a selfish self obsessed way, but in a you’re the most important person in your life way, as if you’re knackered, not happy etc, you’ll feel shit and you’ll be shit at anything you do, be that parenting, your career etc.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 12/09/2021 08:48

I cut out so called friends who were draining, literally have just two friends now where there's no drama, no second guessing, no jealousy etc.
Persevered with online dating despite wanting to quit numerous times.
Left my draining walked all over by the boss job.
Lessened interaction with sister who's 'always right and never listens. You could literally put the phone on the side whilst she's talking, make a cuppa and sandwich, go to the loo then pick back up and she'll still be going and not noticed.
Lost 5 stone through exercise and cutting down. Ability has crept on since marriage so have to get back to it.
Stopped indulging my mother with daily updates about life as nothing was ever good enough.
Still learning and growing.

madmomma · 12/09/2021 10:35

TaraR2020 and farfalle88 Child in question is now a very happy adult. I never told her I was praying for her. I don't really talk to my family about it unless they ask, which they rarely do. Nobody wants to be preached to without asking! Certainly my relationship with God has made me a better Mother. Without a doubt. I wouldn't be anywhere near as content as I am without my prayer life. And it makes me laugh when people say it's an emotional crutch. Of course it is! A very beautiful one!

TeacupDrama · 12/09/2021 17:11

@Simonjt that is essential it is the old "put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else". Basic self care is not self indulgence or selfishness neither is it selfish to put your needs before others wants.
sometimes as an adult or parent we have to put our needs below a child's needs but they shouldnt be below a child's wants

Wandawide · 12/09/2021 17:38

We did a huge change. DH was made redundant, he could only get jobs that meant travelling. We had two young children under four. It was getting me down.
So we changed roles he stayed home, looked after children and house I went to work full time.
After a year he said he liked it so I went back to college for a year and converted a diploma to professional qualification. Money was tight but we scraped by.

Never did change back, he had part time job that expanded over the years.
Nice hearing from fellow Christians, DH became a Deacon in a non-conformist church.

lazylinguist · 12/09/2021 17:47

I'm an unshakeable atheist and not a fan of organised religion, @madmomma, but it's still moving to hear of someone finding something that comforts and helps them through hard times.

TaraR2020 · 13/09/2021 00:25

@madmomma thank you for sharing :)

TheGoodLife7 · 13/09/2021 00:35

I came off all social media (except for Mumsnet of course). It doesn't sound like much but I've suffered with depression for many years and I found that social media really didn't help with my mental health. I was constantly comparing myself to other people and thought that they had better lives. It took me a long time to realise that people only post what they want you to see. I'm so much happier now that I don't use them anymore and I just keep in touch with family and friends via text/phone calls. They know how to get a hold of me if they need me. It's been 4 months and I don't think I'll ever go back on them now, I don't miss it one bit Grin

Smartphonetoomuchoo · 13/09/2021 03:55

Great thread its really got me thinking

Balonzette · 13/09/2021 06:05

This is going to be the most unpopular answer on here as Mumsnet HATES Christians.

But mine was becoming a Christian.

Before, I was successful, fun, fairly wild, travelled the world, had a great laugh. But always felt like there was something missing.

When I found Jesus my whole life changed. Now I am so deeply happy and at peace and my life has such meaning. I can't really describe the feeling and the change.

Leaves thread before all the anti-Christian hate messages start 😂

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/09/2021 09:16

@Mamanyt

LOL, when my ex last said, in the heat of an argument, "Maybe we should just get a divorce," rather than breaking down, crying, and backing down, I very calmly said, "You know, I think you are right." The look on his face was priceless. And, although it took time, I went from a very low credit rating to right in the middle of the highest credit rating. I have a budget that balances EVERY MONTH. I have a peaceful home. I have everything I need, and a good bit of what I want.
Love it, I was the same with an ex. After always being the needy and begging one for years, it took one argument where he said "you know I could just pack my bags and leave" ..... without missing a beat I said "please do" the look on his face and then the begging from him was priceless.

Another one of mine was cutting my hair to almost bald and regrowing it. Can't explain it and sounds weird but it felt like a mop of negativity and I was quite weighed down by it. Scary in a world of beauty but so freeing. I have mid back length hair now and it feels newer and cleaner.