I've just worked out that when I'm 70 my DD will only be 29

[SuperbLyrebird]

I've never done the maths before but I was reading a thread on the Elderly Parent board the other day (heaven knows why as I've never had elderly parents!) and it got me thinking and I felt sad.

How do others who had their kids in there 40s feel?

And to add the disclaimer: I know I will be fortunate to reach that age as neither of my parents did.

No, I wasn't. Thats not remotely what my post says or implies.
Try again.

It is a scary thought.
You may well be alive and fit in your 80's.

Most people who have a healthy lifestyle are fine at 70, those who aren't healthy are either dead or in a lot of pain.

I grew up around here so familiar with the local 70 year olds neighbours.
Many have passed already, my own DM was 69.
The difference in neighbours approximately 70 who drank occasionally and didn't smoke is amazing in comparison to those who did.
Try live a healthy lifestyle and enjoy it while you're here, that's my plan.

If we wanted some balance and accuracy we could point out that if you had your kids in your teens, they are more likely to live in poverty, more likely to be in a single parent home, less likely to go to third level education, more likely to go to prison.....

I wouldn’t call that balance!

Balance would be pointing out the average age of a first time mum is 29.6, not lurching from one extreme to another.

As for implying only older parents can love their kids and put food on the table!! Not even going to waste my time with that one.

I think this is one of those topics where whatever age you became a mum, you will plant your flag firmly in its corresponding age bracket, and declare it to be the best one. It’s like when you get 16 year old mums saying it’s the best because they’ll spend more of their lives together, etc. It’s just them reassuring themselves.

If people were truly comfortable and confident in their decisions, they wouldn’t be so outraged when they are discussed. I had my child in my late 20s. A ‘teenage mum’ by the standards of some people, and quite old according to my granny! There are pros and cons, but I’m happy with my choice, so am quite happy to discuss it in an objective manner without being outraged.

@Ozanj Children pay a price when you have them under 25 and broke too

Eh?! Bit of a stereotype there! I had mine at 18 and 23. We got our first mortgage when I was 21. (Back then only took a 10k deposit so I understand we were lucky to save that and get on the ladder) Both DP and I work F/T. I'm 39 now with a 21yr old and 16yr old.

Not sure what 'Price' my Dc's have paid, other than a pretty decent life so far!

@RichardMarxisinnocent

Gosh, reading about all these fit, healthy and active people in their 70s makes me think I must know the wrong 70 year olds! My early 70s dad died last year, of heart disease, and for at least the previous 5 years was like a very doddery old man physically, and very old at heart rather than young at heart. He did walk a fair but at a snail's pace. He wasn't fit or healthy. My mum had a heart attack in her 60s, and her husband is also not fit and not healthy.

What they all have in common is they haven't looked after themselves - none of them ever did exercise beyond walking, they eat or ate pretty unhealthily, one of them used to smoke, they don't really have hobbies or interests so end up living quite insular lives and feeling old before their time. I do know other people in their 70s who do seem younger, and they are the ones who have taken care of themselves, who keep active and socialise. I think OP you'll be fine as long as you try to keep yourself as fit and healthy as you can.

100% agree with this as my mum has had a lifetime of no exercise and a bad diet. Now she's in and out of hospital and says that she thinks that she & my dad should exercise more. But at 83 it's probably too late for her. It's one of the main reasons that I exercise every day and eat sensibly.

Keep yourself fit and healthy and make every moment with your DD count!

I wouldn’t call that balance

It IS balance to the poster lamenting how sad it is when kids have older parents who are (she imagines) destined to either be dead by the time they are teens or will need to be cared for by their wretched, suffering children.

You clearly have not understood any of the points made, why are you posting?

If my eldest had children same age as me and her eldest does too, I will have great grandchildren in early 70s.

If people were truly comfortable and confident in their decisions, they wouldn’t be so outraged when they are discussed...but I’m happy with my choice, so am quite happy to discuss it in an objective manner without being outraged.

But you sound outraged in so many of your posts?

@SpamThief

If people were truly comfortable and confident in their decisions, they wouldn’t be so outraged when they are discussed...but I’m happy with my choice, so am quite happy to discuss it in an objective manner without being outraged.

But you sound outraged in so many of your posts?

Outraged by what? None of these scenarios apply to me. I was a verrrrrrry average aged new mum.

@SuperbLyrebird

When my FIL was 70 my DH was 28.FIL is still around and is as fit as a fiddle 10 years on and he has T2 diabetes and had a brush with cancer.

It's honestly fine.

@MargaretThursday

If my eldest had children same age as me and her eldest does too, I will have great grandchildren in early 70s.

My grandparents LOVE having great grandparents, and tell everyone who will listen that they have 3 There’s something quite magical and poignant about seeing my child sat at their house, in the same spot I did as a kid, playing with the same toys 😭 emotional

Yes you can control your fertility. There is contraception available. You can choose not have children or choose to accept you won’t have them.
I ended up choosing the ‘accepting’ I can’t have children. Five miscarriages, endometriosis, fibroids, a burst ovary, pelvis inflammatory disease and finally the discovery that my body actively made antibodies to the baby I was trying for and ultimately killed them.
Conversely, a friend opted to actively seek medical intervention to have a child once she over 40. 10years later, she lives her child, but wishes she had had children in her 20s. Partly due to a fear of dying before her child is established in her own life. She’s not in great health and sees her child’s future as likely having care for both her and grandma. She was a social worker so knows what that may mean.
I didn’t make any sweeping statements. I said it as I have found the life of myself and my partner to be affected by having older parents - parents who were past 45 when they had children.
Having also worked in care - those of you who have fit and healthy 80year old parents are extremely, extremely lucky. So many people once they are past 75 find that they are no longer blessed with the body of a 25 year old.
But I do thank you lot for keeping up the tradition of dismissing someone’s experience which doesn’t fit your narrative.

No idea. But your tone seems quite outraged. Or maybe angry.

*great grandchildren - my family aren’t immortal lol

@SpamThief

No idea. But your tone seems quite outraged. Or maybe angry.

Oh, the old ‘you sound quite angry despite the many smilies and polite tone’ deflection…

Keep yourself fit and healthy, well that didn’t stop my DM getting Alzheimer’s in her 60’s.

But I do thank you lot for keeping up the tradition of dismissing someone’s experience which doesn’t fit your narrative

You didn't speak about your own experience, you patronisingly expounded on how terrible are the lives of all children of older parents. You were rude and judgemental and ridiculous. No-one dismissed your experience, only your judging. Don;'t whine about it.

@Realyorkshiretea, there's nothing I'm trying to deflect from. Merely stating that to my eyes, reading your posts, you seem quite angry/annoyed/peeved.

I wasn't a teen mum or 40-something mum so it's nothing I'm taking personally., Just an observation.

[quote SpamThief]@Realyorkshiretea, there's nothing I'm trying to deflect from. Merely stating that to my eyes, reading your posts, you seem quite angry/annoyed/peeved.[/quote]
Haha! I find the ‘u r so angry’ thing to be a comeback people use when they don’t like what you’re saying, but don’t quite know how to refute it either. That and ‘u r over invested’

@ManifestDestinee

Please read my very first post. It could not be more clear it was written from my own experience.

My parents were around 30ish when they had me (4th child).

They were around 65ish when I had ds, so unfortunately ds only had a grandpa for 10 years. their health started failing in their late 60s so they werent really active dgp like they were for my older nieces and nephews who were in their 20s when my parents died.

When ds is 30 I'll be 65ish too. If I did it all again, although it seemed like the right decision at the time to wait as there were redundancy threats for 3-4 years and we put off buying a house and ttc, but knowing what I know now I would have had him 6-7 years earlier.

I would never say it to him as it is his life, but selfishly hope he is financially stable and has a family, and does it younger than I did so I get some time with some dgc!!

I don't need to refute anything, none of this applies to me. I merely noticed you talking about other people being outraged and pointed out that you seemed that way yourself.

But you've added a grinning face to show how chilled out you are so that's fine. We can leave it there.

@SpamThief

I don't need to refute anything, none of this applies to me. I merely noticed you talking about other people being outraged and pointed out that you seemed that way yourself.

But you've added a grinning face to show how chilled out you are so that's fine. We can leave it there.

another one for luck.

@ManifestDestinee
You actually dismissed my experience in your reply.
So according to you, if someone asks me what I think of older parents, I’m supposed to nod meekly and say “go ahead dear it’s a brilliant idea”?
No sorry, I won’t kowtow to that kind of enslavement of thought. I will say I don’t think it’s a good idea and exactly why, if asked. If that judging - then damn right I judge.