I've just worked out that when I'm 70 my DD will only be 29

[SuperbLyrebird]

I've never done the maths before but I was reading a thread on the Elderly Parent board the other day (heaven knows why as I've never had elderly parents!) and it got me thinking and I felt sad.

How do others who had their kids in there 40s feel?

And to add the disclaimer: I know I will be fortunate to reach that age as neither of my parents did.

@Realyorkshiretea I think so, but to be clear, my parents had me in their mid 20s, I had my daughter in my late 20s, my grandparents were in their 40s when I was born.

I am not divorced (no plans to be) but I did keep an unplanned pregnancy aged 27.

Had I not got pregnant we may not have stayed together. We are as happy as most people I think and are looking forward to some child free freedom in the next 5-10 years.

[quote Realyorkshiretea]@Realyorkshiretea I think so, but to be clear, my parents had me in their mid 20s, I had my daughter in my late 20s, my grandparents were in their 40s when I was born.[/quote]
And you're on this thread because ...?

Why is it smug to suggest 15 years is a reasonably long window to find a suitable mate ?

Because it is said by someone who was clearly lucky enough to find a “suitable mate” in time to have kids in that 25-35 window and completely lacks empathy for those who did not have that luck, by suggesting that they didn’t try hard enough, or were too picky and then judging them for the crime of having a child when the right man did come along later in life.

What answer are you expecting re the medical risks of later parenthood? You’ve already said that you think that it is unfair to children to have them in your forties, and listed all the reasons why you think that, medical risks being just one of those.

Those who disagree with you have already weighed up those risks and decided that they are willing to live with them rather than not have children. The risks are higher, but hey are still way under 50-50. For many women in their 40s, the risks do not materialise. I have a healthy child born when I was 43 after an easy pregnancy so I lucked out. I can’t really say much more than that- you’d need to ask an older Mum whose child did have disabilities whether she wishes she had never thrown the dice.

I have only mentioned medical risks, you are confusing me with some one else.

I am not judging anyone, just saying delaying is not risk free.

@SuperbLyrebird do you only ever comment on threads where you have first hand personal experience of the subject matter?

you’d need to ask an older Mum whose child did have disabilities whether she wishes she had never thrown the dice.

That would be deeply insensitive

*you’d need to ask an older Mum whose child did have disabilities whether she wishes she had never thrown the dice.

That would be deeply insensitive*

Actually I don't need to, I meet many such families professionally every week.

On my 70th birthday DD1 will be 24 and DD2 will be 20.

[quote Realyorkshiretea]@SuperbLyrebird do you only ever comment on threads where you have first hand personal experience of the subject matter?[/quote]
Depends on the subject matter. What's your interest in this?

@SuperbLyrebird well I clicked on it thinking it would be one of those ‘how old will your child be when you are X age’ things. Then started reading the thread, and became interested. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven't commented on the whole dependant parents older grandparent thing precisely because I have no experience of it. I have however explained why I like having an youngish Mother, she is still supporting and encouraging me aged 45. In 2019 we went and did dawn yoga together. My Dcs are 17 &14 and she is still very mich offering practical help.

@traumatisednoodle

*you’d need to ask an older Mum whose child did have disabilities whether she wishes she had never thrown the dice.

That would be deeply insensitive*

Actually I don't need to, I meet many such families professionally every week.

And they all say they wish their children had never been born? Even if they did, who made you responsible for preventing others from taking the same risks?

@traumatisednoodle

I am not judging anyone, just saying delaying is not risk free.

Why do you think people need to be told this? How patronising.

@HaveringWavering I don’t think noodle is responsible for preventing others is she? Unless she is the health minister in disguise and about to enact a policy of sterilisation after age 35?

in 2019 we went and did dawn yoga together

Well, if I keep up with the yoga and pilates hopefully I'll be able to dawn yoga with dd when she's 45 and I'm 86

[quote Realyorkshiretea]**@HaveringWavering* I don’t think noodle is* responsible for preventing others is she? Unless she is the health minister in disguise and about to enact a policy of sterilisation after age 35?[/quote]
Oh dear @Realyorkshiretea you’re really not good with rhetoric, are you?

It isn’t rhetoric @HaveringWavering - you keep lashing out and making OTT comments, then trying to make out they were rhetoric when they clearly weren’t. What is rhetorical about asking noodle ‘who made you responsible for preventing others from taking their own risks’?

@SuperbLyrebird

in 2019 we went and did dawn yoga together

Well, if I keep up with the yoga and pilates hopefully I'll be able to dawn yoga with dd when she's 45 and I'm 86

I saw a thing on Twitter about a 100 year old woman who weightlifts. That's my aim!

It was rhetoric

Unless you genuinely believe that Havering was actually asking if noodle was the health minister in disguise and about to enact a policy of sterilisation after age 35?

Haha, no Sir 😉 I mean she keeps stretching what people say to form bizarre and far fetched accusations - since when did having an opinion mean you were forcing others to go along with it?! Anyway, stepping away from this thread now as I’m not in the mood for negativity today!

To be fair, Havering wasn't the one who talked about health ministers in disguise, about to enact a policy of sterilisation after age 35 - which seems a fairly bizarre, far fetched accusation...

@Realyorkshiretea

It isn’t rhetoric *@HaveringWavering* - you keep lashing out and making OTT comments, then trying to make out they were rhetoric when they clearly weren’t. What is rhetorical about asking noodle ‘who made you responsible for preventing others from taking their own risks’?

[facepalm] I know she is not responsible. She has no personal or professional need to educate or criticise older parents about risk, yet she feels obliged to make judgey comments. I was using rhetoric to underline this point, in the same way you might say to your child who declares “I think we should get an electric car because petrol is bad for the environment” “Who put you in charge of this family’s car procurement?”

Well that’s the only way in which she would be able to ‘prevent’ anyone from having babies later in life ta ra 👋🏻