I've just worked out that when I'm 70 my DD will only be 29

[SuperbLyrebird]

I've never done the maths before but I was reading a thread on the Elderly Parent board the other day (heaven knows why as I've never had elderly parents!) and it got me thinking and I felt sad.

How do others who had their kids in there 40s feel?

And to add the disclaimer: I know I will be fortunate to reach that age as neither of my parents did.

@HaveringWavering

Sorry *@Realyorkshiretea* I don’t get the sarcasm and eye roll. Explain?

Well there was a little ‘reductio ad absurdum’ in stretching what has been said to ideas of arranged marriages and women living miserable lives of domestic servitude, isn’t there?

And most people are able to find durable relationships in the window of their peak fertility, leaving it till your late 30's/early 40's risks :, complicated pregnancy (including prematurity), disability and inability to concieve.

Those are straightforward medical facts

@traumatisednoodle

And most people are able to find durable relationships in the window of their peak fertility, leaving it till your late 30's/early 40's risks :, complicated pregnancy (including prematurity), disability and inability to concieve.

Those are straightforward medical facts

Oh do take off your rose-tinted glasses about relationships, you are being disgustingly smug.

And in any event, with your suggestion of finding a new man at 45 you were not even advocating that the relationship needed to be durable.

Well there was a little ‘reductio ad absurdum’ in stretching what has been said to ideas of arranged marriages and women living miserable lives of domestic servitude, isn’t there?

Oh, the delicious irony in that post

A little bit of backtracking there @traumatisednoodle. Care to elaborate on your reference to finding an 'ok' bloke to have babies with in your twenties and thirties, putting off your career, and then finding a new man after 45?

Well there was a little ‘reductio ad absurdum’ in stretching what has been said to ideas of arranged marriages and women living miserable lives of domestic servitude, isn’t there?

Of course there was- it’s a rhetorical device. Completely intentional.

@SirChenjins

Well there was a little ‘reductio ad absurdum’ in stretching what has been said to ideas of arranged marriages and women living miserable lives of domestic servitude, isn’t there?

Oh, the delicious irony in that post

A little bit of backtracking there @traumatisednoodle. Care to elaborate on your reference to finding an 'ok' bloke to have babies with in your twenties and thirties, putting off your career, and then finding a new man after 45?

I’m not traumatisednoodle, and I didn’t say that.

Read the ‘elderly parents’ threads

I have. Read my OP.

@SuperbLyrebird

Read the ‘elderly parents’ threads

I have. Read my OP.

Well you should know what there is to ‘fear’ then?

I know, I was killing two birds with one stone - although the domestic servitude claim could have come directly from one of her Austen novels.

My mum had me at 30, she's 84 now and drives 60 miles round the M25 to stay for a weekend with me each month. Fit as a fiddle, loves her grandchildren who are teens.

I had them at 36 & 39.

Age is but a number! And the greater the number, the greater the privilege.

Had my daughter at 33. Im 48. My elder mother is v difficult. No changing her. 80 her way or the high way. Im low contact.

@SirChenjins

I know, I was killing two birds with one stone - although the domestic servitude claim could have come directly from one of her Austen novels.

Course you were 😉

Yep.

@ArabellaPilkington

My mum had me at 30, she's 84 now and drives 60 miles round the M25 to stay for a weekend with me each month. Fit as a fiddle, loves her grandchildren who are teens.

I had them at 36 & 39.

Age is but a number! And the greater the number, the greater the privilege.

30 isn’t 40 though?

However I can very well understand what people fear. Some elderly people require 24 hour care...how can you work and bring up your family whilst providing that? Or you have to work out how to fund a care home...it must be a nightmare

Like you I lost both my parents (not to old age) young. To me, caring for your loved ones or arranging their care is a part of life and death and having helped nurse my mum through cancer when I was a teen, I know how difficult it is but I learned early on that life is often difficult, scary, complicated.

So I think it's important for all of us to have some important discussions early. It's not easy, both DH and his mum believe she is immortal All we can do is try to plan and hope resilience and determination will see us through.

Realyorkshiretea- If your own children don't have children until their 30s or 40 do you think you'll be able to do what your mum does as you'll be quite a bit older? There can be a big difference between a 75 year old and an 85 year old.

@WTF475878237NC

Realyorkshiretea- If your own children don't have children until their 30s or 40 do you think you'll be able to do what your mum does as you'll be quite a bit older? There can be a big difference between a 75 year old and an 85 year old.

That will be a matter for her and her judgement/circumstances. If she chooses to have children at 30 odd I will be in my mid 50s. So at least the option of having me as a youngish grandparent is there should she want to factor it in. She may choose not to have any children! We will see.

I’m surprised this didn’t occur to you any earlier OP... but provided you keep healthy and active, it shouldn’t matter.

I once met a 90 year old lady who’d have twins at 40 or 42, something like that - she didn’t look a day over 70! It keeps you young, so they say...

Yes you're right. I wanted to factor in my mum's age because I had really hands on grandparents and loved it and my mum said she would love that for her own grandchildren. Sadly life had other plans but we've just about hit the window where Grandma can be involved in their early years.

I suppose @SuperbLyrebird it’s just about mitigating circumstances that are more likely to arise. Yes, parents die and their children have to sort out care/wills etc. But is it ideal to be doing this at the age where that child generally has their own young children? Probably not. This is where chances, probability and the general pattern of life comes in to play. It’s how we tend to make decisions for the future - by using probability to guess what is most likely to happen, in the absence of a crystal ball. Then if circumstances change, we do our best to mitigate that, and so on and so forth.

Who mentioned domestic servitude ?
Why is it smug to suggest 15 years is a reasonably long window to find a suitable mate ?

and why is no one answering my original point about the increased risks of later parenthood ?

My parents were older parents, my dad more so. I lost my dad early 20s and my mum early 30s. I will be 48. when my ds is 29.

@Realyorkshiretea - I'm losing track .. did you say how old you were when you had DC, how old your parents were?

I agree with PP that men are less willing to commit these days - the norm of having kids out of wedlock has made it acceptable for men not to commit & give the mother of their children that financial and legal protection. It seems like it is much more normal now to just ‘date’ someone for years and years before any sort of commitment.