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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think perimenopause is making me feel like I am vanishing from my own life

156 replies

Campingcarryon · 08/09/2021 04:59

I am 48 and in perimenopause (hence the nearly 5am post as I can’t sleep )

I feel SO strange with it all. Like the person I used to be doesnt exist and like I could disappear. Really flat and sometimes like I don’t have the energy or interest in anything at all. Like even the simple things that used to bring me joy don’t anymore. A lot of people in my life really get on my nerves and I just can’t be arsed with anything.

Obviously my kids bring me meaning & I keep going because of them but without them I feel like I could become a hermit! I even found myself thinking that being a nun might be quite nice as I could retreat from life completely 🤣

I mean- what the fuck? I am normally a confident, life loving person who is sociable! Good at my job etc but even that I have totally lost interest in.
I do have HRT to try on my next cycle so I am hoping it will help with this a bit but I feel really strange. I have lots of physical symptoms too- can’t lose weight, itchy, some atrophy, a few mild hot flushes, horrible periods. But it’s the mood symptoms that are the strangest to be honest.

Aibu to find it all so odd? I feel like I have lost interest in everything and everyone.

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 08/09/2021 05:49

I don't feel like this and I'm perimenopausal. It sounds more like you've got depression to be honest.

PieMistee · 08/09/2021 05:52

HRT was a game changer for my weird moods. Took a few months. Also improving my diet and doing loads of exercise really helps.

niceupthedanceagain · 08/09/2021 05:52

I know how you feel. I described myself as a paper bag the other day. Everything is blah. I've been depressed previously, this is different. I don't know where I've gone.

ProperVexed · 08/09/2021 05:56

You sound like me! I can't be bothered with anyone or anything really. Body falling to pieces, no sleep, hot flushes all night etc. Lost confidence in my ability at work, mainly because I can retain absolutely no information...I am writing notes and lists to get things done. I'm also suddenly very bad at reversing the car!
So, solidarity from me. Lots of us feel like you. Hope the HRT works for you.

Henrysmycat · 08/09/2021 06:00

It’s not odd OP, it’s normal perimenopause symptoms. I’m in similar situation.
Also, the symptoms can be as unique or as common as any. There are people with no symptoms and there are people with every symptom under the sun including what feels like depression. It was not depression for me, just my hormones going haywire despite what the GP “diagnosed”. It was only after seeing a specialist on menopause that things changed.

MareofBeasttown · 08/09/2021 06:21

I hear you. I have burnt out on parenting, esp since one of my DC had a hard time in the pandemic. Also constantly bickering wt DH. V exhausted. I know it's v boring but exercising daily and losing weight really helped me. Also dont drink alcohol any more ( acts as a depressant for me)

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 08/09/2021 06:27

I'm 47, periods stopped 2 months ago, lots of niggly little symptoms that I hadn't realised were peri menopause until later. Definitely CBA to do anything - everything feels like so much of an effort. I think lots of people think they have depression and get medication from the Dr for this, when really it's menopause. Drs aren't always great at connecting all the symptoms and often treat each individual one.

CurrantTeacake · 08/09/2021 06:32

I feel the same OP. The GP just tried to put me on anti-depressants which is not even in the NICE guidelines for treating peri symptoms.
I’m going to try again with a different GP and see if I can get some help.

autumnalmist · 08/09/2021 06:34

You are not alone. .....I hope you begin to feel better with hrt.

EarringsandLipstick · 08/09/2021 06:36

@FortunesFave

I don't feel like this and I'm perimenopausal. It sounds more like you've got depression to be honest.

These are very common peri menopause symptoms. Not everyone has the same.

I felt quite like this. I would describe it as wanting to step out of my body. HRT has really helped.

George22 · 08/09/2021 06:36

@FortunesFave

I don't feel like this and I'm perimenopausal. It sounds more like you've got depression to be honest.

Too many women experiencing perimenopausal symptoms of mood change etc. are inappropriately treated for depression by their GPs.

OP - I’ve seen lots of women feeling like you do on the Facebook menopause groups; it may help you to join. I really hope HRT is helpful for you.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 08/09/2021 06:40

This is completely normal OP. You are losing oestrogen- oestrogen is sometimes called “the caring hormone” in menopause circles. Basically it’s having a truckload of it that in general makes women put their children (and other ppl) first & look after them. As you lose it you literally start to lose the ability to give a fuck - this is quite liberating but also scary

HRT could help - I started on it age 48 & I wouldn’t be without it

torquewench · 08/09/2021 06:43

Yep, same with me. Rage that comes from nowhere, turbo PMT when I just feel nothing but despair for a day or so, no feelings at all the rest of the time, trying desperately to lose weight that refuses to go, brain fog, shit memory, inability to take in any info at work, waking around 4:00 am daily. My blood pressure is also sky high these days, which I've started taking Ramipril for, (which my GP tells me is another symptom) and Oestrogel, which makes things better. I also have a coil which works in tandem with the gel and has thankfully stopped periods that were becoming almost unmanageable. Oh and I appear to be growing a beard and a 'tache. It is however some comfort that my friends are all experiencing similar and we know we're not alone in this.

Original poster

Campingcarryon · 08/09/2021 06:51

Omg you have no idea how reassuring it is to know it’s not just me! I cried last night while watching my kids play happily in the sea as was feeling so strange. I really hope the HRT helps as i can’t live like this!

OP posts:

mrschocolatte · 08/09/2021 06:53

OP - what you describe is exactly how I felt 4 years ago. Your body is changing and preparing itself for a life after periods but it’s not easy. A lot of what you are going through is related to hormonal changes. HRT can help - it did for me and I’ve been taking it for 4 years now. I found that regular exercise, cutting down fatty foods and alcohol and supplements such as Menopace have helped keep me on an even keel.
The hardest part for me was accepting that I had changed both physically and emotionally. I miss the old me but I’ve started to embrace the new me and I like a lot of what I’m becoming - I don’t give a crap about a lot of things now which I used to obsess about and I have more confidence to try new things - clothes, hairstyles etc because I’m over the biological need to attract a mate! I don’t care how I look to other people anymore. I’m looking after myself and paying attention to what I need rather than always putting others before me.
You are not alone and keep having conversations about this and not be ashamed or embarrassed about this. The more women talk with each other the more we will benefit from the sharing and learning. Good luck with your journey OP.

TheOldestCat · 08/09/2021 06:53

I feel the same. I’m 45 and I don’t recognise myself. Am on the second month of HRT and beginning - I think - to feel slightly better. Need to give it at least 3 months, GP reckons. So I hope it helps you.

I feel anxious or low or just flat. Interspersed with rage. Like the person I used to be - fairly easy going, pretty joyful - has completely gone and I am a shell, trudging on.

Unescorted · 08/09/2021 06:54

Perimenopause is shit isn't it.

I think I am the only person in the world that welcomed the lockdown..... absolutely no need to give a shit about anyone or anything with no one taking it personally.

Marmalady75 · 08/09/2021 06:56

I see that you are ready to start heart next cycle. It can take a bit of tinkering to find the right combination to suit, so don’t give up hope if there isn’t an immediate change.

There are so many little things that happened to me that I didn’t connect the dots until I joined a Facebook group about peri menopause. I decided to try natural methods for a few months before approaching my gp. I’ve found that most of the symptoms have lessened considerably and I’m starting to feel more like the old me.

Remember as well that we are dealing with a pandemic, so you need to be extra kind to yourself and try to find the best way to cope with whatever your body is throwing at you.

milcal · 08/09/2021 06:57

@Marmalady75

I see that you are ready to start heart next cycle. It can take a bit of tinkering to find the right combination to suit, so don’t give up hope if there isn’t an immediate change.

Remember as well that we are dealing with a pandemic, so you need to be extra kind to yourself and try to find the best way to cope with whatever your body is throwing at you.

Did you find any natural methods that help sled with your symptoms?

milcal · 08/09/2021 06:58

With not sled 🙄 typo

GoodnightGrandma · 08/09/2021 06:59

You sound just like me. I’ve even googled islands for sale.
I think I’ll have to try HRT eventually.

jeaux90 · 08/09/2021 06:59

watch the Davina documentary on menopause
get yourself on HRT

After 1 year of trying to do menopause naturally I went on HRT because of low mood, brain fog, hot flushes, no sleep, painful joints.
I am 100% better. Yes the GP offered me anti depressants I said no, was insistently HRT

biggirlknickers · 08/09/2021 07:00

Oh god, you’ve all just described my life. I’m 47.

OP, get thee to the GP and get some HRT (me too).

worksleep · 08/09/2021 07:00

I could have written this myself. I feel like nothing really interests me. I have also been depressed in the past but this is different. Just like you I really can't be bothered to be social and I used to be quite the opposite..

Iamclaracowbell · 08/09/2021 07:05

I said to DH the other day 'I'm not sure what the point of me is any more'. I'm 48. I barely go out unless it's to the shops or to walk the dog, haven't met up with friends since before the pandemic because I just cba. I'm also really bloody itchy, irritable,horrible periods, fat I just can't shift. You are not alone!!

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