To think perimenopause is making me feel like I am vanishing from my own life

[Campingcarryon]

I am 48 and in perimenopause (hence the nearly 5am post as I can’t sleep )

I feel SO strange with it all. Like the person I used to be doesnt exist and like I could disappear. Really flat and sometimes like I don’t have the energy or interest in anything at all. Like even the simple things that used to bring me joy don’t anymore. A lot of people in my life really get on my nerves and I just can’t be arsed with anything.

Obviously my kids bring me meaning & I keep going because of them but without them I feel like I could become a hermit! I even found myself thinking that being a nun might be quite nice as I could retreat from life completely 🤣

I mean- what the fuck? I am normally a confident, life loving person who is sociable! Good at my job etc but even that I have totally lost interest in.
I do have HRT to try on my next cycle so I am hoping it will help with this a bit but I feel really strange. I have lots of physical symptoms too- can’t lose weight, itchy, some atrophy, a few mild hot flushes, horrible periods. But it’s the mood symptoms that are the strangest to be honest.

Aibu to find it all so odd? I feel like I have lost interest in everything and everyone.

@janknitti

Just came on here to add that this was exactly how I felt 8 months ago. (I was 46). HRT was a total game changer for me. Energy levels are back, deflatedness / listlessness, anger and depression are gone. Feel me again. Got back to the gym and a new job !

That's so good to hear.

I should add that I don’t mean that it should be treated as depression - as it often incorrectly is - but that HRT may help a lot.

I could have written your post OP. Almost word for word. And many of the others. I’m late 40s.

So reassuring to read everyone’s descriptions and know I’m not the only one. But also..,

WTF!? Why don’t we know this can, and often does, happen? Why isn’t there a ton of research and clear advice? Makes me sooo cross. But ‘the rage’ is peri too. Initially I though I had early onset dementia.

Talking to GP about HRT soon. Fingers crossed.

If it hasn’t been recommended before on the thread I like the ‘Balance’ app for info and logging symptoms. It’s by a specialist doctor in London. ?Newsome.

What a comfort this thread is. 48 and a week into HRT after months of feeling, not depressed, but just joyless, bleak and physically falling apart.

I don't know if it's placebo but HRT is already making me feel better. It feels like watering a dry old joyless plant. I think it's too early but it's given me hope.

Snap OP. This is exactly how I feel.

I cannot be bothered with anything and I feel like people are just talking at me rather than me engaging with them.

I've been having hot flushes for a while and secretly quite liking them as I've always been a cold person. However I had one par extraordinaire this week that felt like I was on fire.

I guess I will have to look into HRT. I've always associated menopause with the physical symptoms rather than emotional changes. I don't have a relationship with my mother so no knowledge from that side. I do remember my lovely MIL telling me she felt like she had lost her sparkle and I think she may have rather succinctly summed perimenopause up.....

@Lostmarbles2021

I could have written your post OP. Almost word for word. And many of the others. I’m late 40s.

So reassuring to read everyone’s descriptions and know I’m not the only one. But also..,

WTF!? Why don’t we know this can, and often does, happen? Why isn’t there a ton of research and clear advice? Makes me sooo cross. But ‘the rage’ is peri too. Initially I though I had early onset dementia.

Talking to GP about HRT soon. Fingers crossed.

If it hasn’t been recommended before on the thread I like the ‘Balance’ app for info and logging symptoms. It’s by a specialist doctor in London. ?Newsome.

When my brain fog really kicked in I honestly was terrified it was early onset dementia. I was actually relieved when the penny dropped that it was peri menopause.

I do recommend davina McCall's programme, it really did seem to be trying to normalise menopause and get people talking about it.

I've tried to be open at home about what I'm experiencing, and my oh did say, he would never experience it, but I pointed out that while he physically won't go through it he had to live with someone who is.

I do think the universe was having a laugh though. I have one teenager, one pre teen all hormonal and now a peri menopausal mum added to the mix. Our house will be a joyful place to be for the next wee while 😂

Really think I should live on my own now. I have no energy anymore for sorting anyone else’s shit out after 25 years of doing so.

So much of what you have all written resonates with me, especially the above.

I am so, so done with other people's shit.
I too regularly plan to leave dh (who annoys me beyond belief by just existing some days), jack in my job, run away to a distant island/women-only commune, etc, etc.

I'm 48 and have been like this for the last 4 years. I often get three months with no period and start to get my hopes up but the buggers still keep putting in an appearance.

The anxiety, brain fog, rage and feeling like I've lost the plot are intermittent and less worrying now. I think I'm getting used to them and usually they pass.

The cynicism, having no fucks to give and new selfishness seem to be more permanent and really do feel like I've had a personality transplant.

I also get the emptiness/flatness, what's-the-bloody-point-of-it-all feelings. If I could I would definitely be packing in work and making some quite drastic life changes but I can't so I'm just waiting for it all to pass.

Hot flushes night sweats, insomnia, itchiness, aches and pains come and go.
Hair loss and relentless bastard wiry chin pubes seem to here to stay.

The new one for me is dry stinging eyes. Is this a peri/meno thing?

I need to make more of an effort with diet and exercise because I am starting to change shape too.

So take heart, op. You are most definitely not alone!

God I love this thread. Me and my friend were talking about this on Monday. Both mid 40s. I just feel flat and worn out with no joy in my life. I ache after any kind of physical exertion other than walking, the 3/4 am wakings are increasing and frankly I had to sit on my hands this evening to tell my gorgeous funny and engaging dd that I really didn't give a shit what boy poppy found cute and molly didn't in assembly today.

I am making an appointment with my gp to discuss hrt - my periods still light and regular but dm had an awful time and I'm not prepared to feel like this for another 5 years if help is available.

"The new one for me is dry stinging eyes. Is this a peri/meno thing?"

I don't know for sure but I think I read about dry eyes being a symptom. I've been having issues with dry eyes too

@tigger1001, dd started her period in the summer hols, Dd2 isn't that far behind. Poor dh living in a house with the 3 of us.

@tigger1001, Oh joy! One more to add to the list, then!

I have an eye check-up booked for next week (declining eyesight too) so will ask if there's anything that works.

Oh yes I used to sit on the sofa on a Sunday evening - perfectly lovely life - and feel such a sense of ennui that I could slit my throat. It just wasn't me. Then kept crying at work. HRT sorted it.

[quote heirloomcurls]@tigger1001, Oh joy! One more to add to the list, then!

I have an eye check-up booked for next week (declining eyesight too) so will ask if there's anything that works.[/quote]
I have been using eye gel. You use it at night as it's thicker than drops. Helps a bit

OP, this is a perfectly natural way to feel during perimenopause, and it is caused by your hormones being in flux/decline. HRT will sort this out. However, if it does not, and neither do your other symptoms vanish, you're not on the correct dosage/kind.

Re. atrophy. You will need Vagifem which is a pessary. Use daily for two weeks and then twice weekly. It will help enormously. If you have not been prescribed this, insist on it.

@izzy2076

What a comfort this thread is. 48 and a week into HRT after months of feeling, not depressed, but just joyless, bleak and physically falling apart.

I don't know if it's placebo but HRT is already making me feel better. It feels like watering a dry old joyless plant. I think it's too early but it's given me hope.

Of course HRT is not a placebo! You were feeling the way you were because your hormones were in decline. Now they've been topped up, you're feeling better. Should you start feeling joyless, bleak and like you're physically falling apart again, time to up your dosage.

The new one for me is dry stinging eyes. Is this a peri/meno thing? Yes it is. Something to do with estrogen/progesterone/testosterone being out of whack, I think. I can't tolerate wearing my contact lenses for as long as I used to anymore because my eyes are very dry. Super.

This website is very good and has a link to the Balance App that a PP mentioned.

www.menopausedoctor.co.uk/

I don't feel like this and I'm perimenopausal. It sounds more like you've got depression to be honest

This is a mistake that many GP's make. Forgivable from a poster on mumsnet, not from a GP

Just catching up on this thread (awake at stupid o’clock again) - hugs to everyone going through this shit- it’s made me feel better reading all your posts knowing that I am not going mad- I wish we were all getting a better experience of it - it does feel outrageous that so many of us feel so shit.

Re vagifem- doc said I wouldn’t need it if I was on normal HRT but is that actually the case?

Friend of a friend told me that her female doc told her that it was all very well these celebs jumping on the HRT bandwagon but actually eating a bit of tofu and drinking soya milk was a better option - I kid you not!!!!

I’m 45 and haven’t been myself for a while. I had blamed the pandemic but I’m feeling the same as a lot of you on here. Might call GP and see if I need HRT to help get through next few years :o.

Yes I was told by a mid 40s female GP to "get down to Holland and Barrett" as I didn't need any vaginal oestrogen as I am still having periods, despite having had several painful gynae appointments in the last THREE YEARS to find out what it could be - (male gynae said ' it's probably an STI 😡)

Tbh I have had to go private for any kind of treatment/diagnosis in the last few years I have zero confidence in GPS any more.

Re vagifem- doc said I wouldn’t need it if I was on normal HRT but is that actually the case? No that's incorrect Campingcarryon. Topical oestrogen should be offered and can be taken safely with HRT. Here are the NICE guidelines. See 1.4.9.

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/chapter/recommendations

This is exactly how I’ve been feeling for a while, really interesting to find this!

I still have regular periods though and am coming up to 43, but the lack of sleep, night sweats and lack of giving a fuck are strong!

Stupid question maybe but is there a bio marker for perimenopause? Can the docs tell by your bloods?

all very well these celebs jumping on the HRT bandwagon but actually eating a bit of tofu and drinking soya milk was a better option - I kid you not
. Erm no Ill take the patches thanks. Having yo eat Tofu would have properly sent me over the edge!

JudyGemstone They can sometimes tell in a hormone blood panel but the results are very unreliable as they fluctuate over the month. NICE guidelines are to treat on symptoms alone if the woman is aged 45 or over. FSH testing is only recommended when symptoms are in women under 40 I think

I'm 47 and my Dr did do FSH testing - it came in at 49.5 which is menopausal level. So some will do it if you ask.