To think perimenopause is making me feel like I am vanishing from my own life

[Campingcarryon]

I am 48 and in perimenopause (hence the nearly 5am post as I can’t sleep )

I feel SO strange with it all. Like the person I used to be doesnt exist and like I could disappear. Really flat and sometimes like I don’t have the energy or interest in anything at all. Like even the simple things that used to bring me joy don’t anymore. A lot of people in my life really get on my nerves and I just can’t be arsed with anything.

Obviously my kids bring me meaning & I keep going because of them but without them I feel like I could become a hermit! I even found myself thinking that being a nun might be quite nice as I could retreat from life completely 🤣

I mean- what the fuck? I am normally a confident, life loving person who is sociable! Good at my job etc but even that I have totally lost interest in.
I do have HRT to try on my next cycle so I am hoping it will help with this a bit but I feel really strange. I have lots of physical symptoms too- can’t lose weight, itchy, some atrophy, a few mild hot flushes, horrible periods. But it’s the mood symptoms that are the strangest to be honest.

Aibu to find it all so odd? I feel like I have lost interest in everything and everyone.

I'm 49 and feel exactly like this. I feel totally alone even though I'm surrounded by (irritating) people and I really cba with anything or anyone.

I'm totally with you, I don't recognise myself and I've always been fairly ambiguous about being social anyway.

I totally get the appeal of a cloistered life. . I'm not sure what the solution is. I'm hoping that at some point I will turn into a more can't give a fuck badass older lady with attitude.

@DotDotDotDot

Same here, OP. I've had depression and this is very very different. With depression I felt despairing and sad. But with this, I don't feel that at all. It's more that I just want to stare out of the window for hours. I can't be arsed with anything - working, talking to people, etc - everything just feels like it takes a massive effort. My husband is getting on every last nerve. And I suddenly find him really boring - when he talks, I can't even be arsed looking him in the eyes

Literally the only times I feel good is when I'm running, so I'm becoming obsessed with that and running more and more, because it's the only thing that 'lifts' me.

My GP has offered antidepressants I'm on a waiting list now for a private menopause clinic because I can't be bothered battling with my GP.

This could also be me.....I feel too young at 42 to feel this way

Me too. I'm 44 years old and don't really have any physical symptoms of peri other than hair thinning. I just feel so flat and tired.
I've quit my full paced career for a slower paced part time job but I've no enthusiasm for a job that I should love. I've had tests for thyroid etc and all is normal. I've had depression before and this feels different.
Anyway on a positive note, I've started HRT so fingers crossed for positive changes.

I'm 43, been having peri symptoms for 6 years, and have just started yet another period! Why can't they take the hint and stop?! I've not felt like myself for a long time, but it's definitely stronger the last year or so, when symptoms have ramped up. It's actually eventually helped me get in touch with what I need for my own happiness, and who I am, after many years of nothingness, to be honest. Combined with the hormonal drops, I'm getting to who I always should have been. I'm taking CBD, still experimenting with dosages, I've read it described as a general manager, and there is a lot more balance, and reduction of symptoms since starting it
I'm also taking Confidence Essence. It'll probably be seen as woo or a placebo on here, but in only a day or so, I've noticed a difference, especially noticeable as since peri started, this week of period has been awful

I've just realised I should probably have posted this on the meno success stories thread but maybe best not jinx it!

As well as dry eyes an vaginally dryness, the lack of oestrogen meaning lack of moisture can also affect your gyms, so watch out for that, too.

I have zero sex drive. Not a flicker. Nothing. Is it just me? My poor husband

44 here and feeling similar. Think DH is having some kind of mid life crisis as well...argh

Yes no sex drive here either.

@ProudAlly

I have zero sex drive. Not a flicker. Nothing. Is it just me? My poor husband

Felt absolutely nothing for around six months now. Even watching people kiss on TV gives me the ick. So much so I can't even imagine getting my libido back and really don't care.

Suddenly feel frumpy and as if I've had my time so might as well just limp along with work, life etc until it's done. I know that's completely bloody stupid, I'm 43!

I really want to wear a badge that says "Do NOT disturb - Peri Woman". My poor DH is basically terrified of me these days. I've suggested communicating mainly by email

DS1 messaged DH yesterday to ask him to ask me for a favour because I was so grumpy he was scared to ask me directly. I’m still getting periods though less predictably & I was on a short timer over the weekend, but all is back on an even keel today. Peri is like the worst bits of puberty but with added annoying teenagers wanting things from me. Also short of fucks to give, along with PPs. Thank God DH is so steadfast and slow to anger. The man is a saint. He has the private island (man cave) thing figured, which helps.

Does it improve I wonder or is this it?

BraveBanana same here, not just the loss of libido but the ick about all sex-related stuff. Sexual people are like animals to me, I don't want to see or hear about them rutting. Been this way a while now, was notably very much not this way as a younger person.

I am 47 and I have all of the symptoms all above said- I didn't know you could start HRT whilst still having periods. One lucky thing for me is that I am still on the top of my job but I do need to check things a few times now for example before sending an email with attachments- need to check three times but outside of work I don't register anything, don't pay attention etc it is bloody annoying!

All Of the things posted on this thread I can relate to but the GPS at my practice refuse to prescribe HRT because my FSH levels are normal and I’m not over 45 (I’m 44).

@Campingcarryon In 2020 I was exactly the same. I had some very specific peri symptoms, and then like you, this feeling that I can only describe as strange. I just felt out of place everywhere, including with my own family.
Anyhow 2 years of HRT later and I feel so much better.
In the beginning I spent a lot of time chasing the 2019 me, desperately wanting and trying to get back to how I used to be. Once I accepted I was peri and that I wasn't that person anymore, that I just had to love the new older version of me, things improved mentally

The first GP at my practise took this approach. I was 41 and had 'normal' FSH levels. 6 months later, I saw a different GP at the same practice who was amazing, said bloods shouldn't be taken to determine peri menopause as the readings fluctuate so much and that my anecdotal evidence was enough. A month later I was on HRT

I can relate as well but after a blood test the doctor prescribed me some high dose iron tablets and high dose folic acid. She said my b12 levels were super low which meant the spatone iron I had been taking was not being absorbed into my body.
I'd been taking the new combination for a month before I realized that my mood had been so low because of the deficiencies and not because I thought I was Peri.

I'm going through the same but at only 39 and we were trying for a baby, my mum was 40 so I am following suit. Thankfully we do already have dc.

Echo's everyone feelings. I want to understand the peri-menopause /menopasue and read research about it etc but can't be arsed. Which is silly as it would be for my benefit. LOL.

4 months without a period, I don't experience hot flushes as I'm constantly hot. Actually looking forward to the cold. I'm the mad lady in a tshirt on cold days.

I used to love my job, now hate it, it annoys me. If I could give up work tomorrow I would.

Am finding it more difficult to be around my demanding mother and no longer give a sh*t about her moods - Which is a massive positive.

I wouldn't know where to start with HRT, topical creams etc. My DR at the last dicussion seeemed to think my symptoms weren't enough to prescribed HRT.

I’m in a strange way glad to hear this because I’ve been to my GP a few times telling here about my symptoms and the fact that I no longer get my period and she still tells me I’m depressed and stressed and definitely not menopausal. It’s crazy really because I know my own body and I’m definitely menopausal. Have the same symptoms as you OP - absolutely hate the hot flushes and the mood swings not to mention the menopause waist!!

@CurrantTeacake - my GP was hopeless and I knew I wanted transdermal oestrogen and utrogestan. I just used the Boots online doctor and was prescribed it immediately without all the hassle. It’s an area in which many GPS are woefully ignorant and also patronising at the same time. I really couldn’t be arsed to argue with him.

I could have written your post too, I started HRT a few weeks ago which thankfully seems to be working already.

Avocados help sex drive and ground turmeric in cooking is great for brain fog.