AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

[MessyMissyMe]

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

Be kind is good advice but it's useless when the person lacks self-awareness.
A woman I know was love bombing every body else in our group and treating me very deliberately a ghost. It was v upsetting until i realised, she's trying to put me in her place, beneath her, so whst she cannot bear is that im her equal 🤔. This woman has cast me in the role of her enemy now and she firmly believes im the devil. I did nothing to her. She caused me a lot of distress until i figured out who she is. I cant just walk away from this group. I have every right to be in it. If I said be kind to her she would think that it was me who wasnt kind. I didnt subserviently take my place beneath her. So now i know that self aware people arent often unkind.

But cant tell people to "be self aware"
They may never have that epiphany

@Mynextname what a story! Find a job in a big corporate, you'll get childcare vouchers - they may even have a creche on site, you'll be able to flex hours too. What I'm saying is big corporates really do help their staff achieve a good working balance and with your tenacity you could go far! Good luck 😉

Me and my DH did things other people wouldn't...moving all over the UK for jobs...30 different places lived in before we were 30. Lived in some absolutely rubbish accommodation. Both worked upward of 60 hours a week. Didn't have ds until aged 36. But these sacrifices have paid off now. For us we took risks, made good choices and and in my case made the most of my skills as wasn't particularly intelligence / no uni etc.

After reading through some truly hard Woking people’s Torie’s with others coming along saying it was luck, then it lends credence to the saying “you make your own luck”, some people have worked hard for their “lucky” break. Sounds truthfully as some people had big chips on their shoulders.

You can are being totally unreasonable it's bloody hard work. It's not a lottery.

Unfortunately I worked hard at the expense of my social life and mental health but fortunately I did have a secure family upbringing. Is that luck? I have no real friends, live miles away from home and family but I can afford a comfortable lifestyle for me and my family. Am I lucky? No I'm a hard worker who has made hard choices.

Yes YABU. I went to university, worked hard and now am well paid sure. But I had a terrible childhood and parents who didn’t care about me. I was constantly passed around to family & friends. Had zero support from my parents and was left by my mother at sixteen so she could get married and move miles away; I worked two jobs at college to even be able to complete my A Levels to get into university. Worked a free internship at university alongside summer jobs and bar jobs, sacrificed holidays and nights out to be able to afford to go to a decent university.
sors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

I was not lucky. The opposite in fact. But I worked hard and committed myself to a different life. I often find the people who think it’s “lucky” that someone is successful are the ones who never really committed themselves to a new life or made sacrifices to get to their goals. And yes, I bloody deserve it.

@Localocal

I agree. The implication is that all the people who haven't been as successful made a choice not to work hard. It's wildly insensitive to people who work hard in low paid jobs.

Its not though.

Saying 'I have done x' has no implication that someone hasn't.

I do agree its not just pure hard work in the vast majority of cases

But if someone makes a statement about themselves and you assume they are making a judgment about you, that's not their fault.

I dont really know why we bother with social services, free school meals or anything like that really. It seems an adverse childhood and hard work are a pre-requisite for sucess reading this. Its a bit odd that social mobility is so low and getting worse (its one of the worst in the developed world) and the biggest predictor of education success is your fathers income.

You can piss all that opportunity up the wall though or you can work hard and make the most of it. I don't see why everyone who had any advantage should feel guilty all the time. They probably do realise that they were fortunate too.

I have not once used who I know to get a job, as I know no one that important and neither do my parents. They were from coal mining families.

I never went to private school but a school that failed multiple inspections in a deprived rural community.

I never went back to live with my parents after university and paid my way in from life since 18.

No friends and shit mental health but financially secure.

@Gwenhwyfar

"The scholarship committee isn't flipping a coin or running a random lottery to decide; they're selecting the candidates whose experience and qualifications appeal the most. That's not luck securing the space."

Scholarship are often given on the basis of intelligence or potential, not hard work.

Scholarships are usually given on 'merit'.

Translated this means HARD WORK.

In my experience successful people work very hard. Its not about luck but about searching for opportunities and working hard to make it happen. I was brought up to believe you made your own luck by a father who had to work his way up the ladder. I still believe it is true.

I didn't go to university and I started working all my weekends and holidays aged 14. Once I had left school and started work full-time I studied for hours every evening at home to get the qualifications I needed to pursue the career I wanted. Nobody paid for me or gave me any help, in fact my father was strongly of the opinion that girls should get married and be stay at home mothers, so education was a waste of money. No luck was involved, it was sheer hard work and determination.

There is such a lack of understanding of social mobility and deeply ingrained inequality on this thread . It's quite depressing.

I do think some of it is luck. I am lucky to be good at maths (so became an accountant) and have to parents who went to university and so I went. I find exams fairly easy.

So I have a good job and I was lucky to buy my a flat late 1990s. It's now paid off. I am also lucky I never wanted kids so have worked for last 26 years without breaks or demands on my time.

So hard work yes but a good dollop of good fortune too. I don't think I work harder than say nurses, I was just fortunate to be able to pursue a well paid career.

@Elephantsparade

I dont really know why we bother with social services, free school meals or anything like that really. It seems an adverse childhood and hard work are a pre-requisite for sucess reading this. Its a bit odd that social mobility is so low and getting worse (its one of the worst in the developed world) and the biggest predictor of education success is your fathers income.

If the biggest predictor of education success is your fathers income, then I would suggest that the reason is not necessarily the financial advantage but conditioning from an early age that education is important and to achieve success is very important.

At my state school, it was obvious that some groups worked harder than others. Those that worked hardest came from the more well off areas of town. Those that bunked off and didn't do their homework generally came from the rougher areas. I will probably get slated for this but it was a very obvious divide in my school. As an example, it illustrates perfectly why background matters, but its not in the way many people think and therefore it is possible for someone from a deprived background to break the pattern but it is not easy because of the social pressures from those around you. It has nothing to do with money or luck.

Scholarships are usually given on 'merit'

Translated this means HARD WORK

Again, yes, hard work will get you access to apply. but scholarships aren’t unlimited so not everyone who applies will be awarded one despite working hard to meet the criteria.

Just like not everyone who meets to the criteria to apply for certain courses (medicine, speech therapy and midwifery are notoriously hard to get into off the top of my head although that’s based off old knowledge) because there are limited spaces on each course.

The reverse of that is if you’re lucky enough to apply in a year there hasn’t been much interest you’re more likely to win a place/scholarship.

I’m not sure what’s so hard to understand here.

OP, I’ve logged in especially to comment on your post as it resonates so much!
YANBU in the least- agree 100 percent

@SkinnyMirror

There is such a lack of understanding of social mobility and deeply ingrained inequality on this thread . It's quite depressing.

This

You haven't touched a nerve. You're just wrong and people are pointing that out.

Your OP says that those who attend uni are from an affluent background and mummy and daddy pay for everything.

That's balls.

My first degree, before I started I was a single mum on benefits. With zero input from anyone and a massive debt to show for it.
My second degree was a health science degree to get me straight into a career and I had fuck all help there too, I worked on top to keep my head afloat.
I'm doing my third and likely final degree now to get me where I've wanted to be for the last decade.

I've worked my absolute tits off for these three degrees with no outside help, just determination and dedication. I aim to be on £40k plus in the not too distant future and I've earned it.

So you're bloody wrong.

@Cornettoninja

Scholarships are usually given on 'merit'

Translated this means HARD WORK

Again, yes, hard work will get you access to apply. but scholarships aren’t unlimited so not everyone who applies will be awarded one despite working hard to meet the criteria.

Just like not everyone who meets to the criteria to apply for certain courses (medicine, speech therapy and midwifery are notoriously hard to get into off the top of my head although that’s based off old knowledge) because there are limited spaces on each course.

The reverse of that is if you’re lucky enough to apply in a year there hasn’t been much interest you’re more likely to win a place/scholarship.

I’m not sure what’s so hard to understand here.

Apply this to a sport. Do you think it's a luck that someone wins a medal in Olympics? Because there is only so many medals to go by after all.

While I agree that some elemnt of good luck is alwyas there, some people in here are really just putting everything down to it which is frankly quite insulting in a way to many people. It's very much same like the "you just didn't pay attention at school" ceown, just the other side of a spectrum

Given that if there was a level playing field and if everyone had the same level of intelligence, drive, priorities and opportunity, there would still be people who were poor, there must be an element of luck. It is impossible for everyone to do well.

That doesn't mean that people don't work hard for what they have, but it does need to be recognised that people who don't have as much can still be working bloody hard, yet can be looked down on by those who have more.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Don't you think people who go to uni work hard?

Yes but no harder than the hospital domestic who will only ever earn a pretty bad wage for their hard word

@sallievp

Me and my DH did things other people wouldn't...moving all over the UK for jobs...30 different places lived in before we were 30. Lived in some absolutely rubbish accommodation. Both worked upward of 60 hours a week. Didn't have ds until aged 36. But these sacrifices have paid off now. For us we took risks, made good choices and and in my case made the most of my skills as wasn't particularly intelligence / no uni etc.

That seems like an easy ride to me...you got to stay in the UK and had a partner to lean on? I moved all over Europe and then the world for jobs, completely on my own, often needing to do everything in a foreign language. Still struggled on little money and lived in near poverty until a chance encounter with someone and a scholarship to study something new led to a huge career change.

Having a supportive, reliable partner is in itself lucky!

It's when people who brag about their wealth and justify it as working hard that gets me.
I went to uni and yes I worked hard but had luck in ; support network to enable me to study and complete work, relatively stable finances to attend and childcare readily available, a husband who supported me and wasn't abusive who put in his share at home and with the childcare.
As opposed to one one my best friends; minimum wage cleaning job because ; no
Support network for her to be able to even get to the point of entering uni let alone starting and being able to do the course, abusive husband she had to flee, three kids one with health problems to support as ex paid no maintenance and didn't acknowledge kids so had to take any job to keep a roof over their head and food on the table.
If people cannot see that luck or if your prefer to call it chance absolutely plays a part in success then they have clearly led a charmed life