AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

[MessyMissyMe]

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

In the main, I doubt people are thinking about other people when they say it. Most people don't. They aren't comparing.

And people are allowed to be proud of achieving things. I'm saying this as a "bleeding heart leftie" . Be kind.

Be kind.

🤮

Or don't. Pick emoji fights with strangers.

Either way. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's not an emoji fight.

I just can't stand the "Be Kind" phrase, it's bullshite.

I too hate #BeKind it’s trite and asinine, an empty catchphrase

Didn't even know an emoji fight was a thing 😆

🛎 🔚

Now that's fighting talk emoji! 😆

When you're glibly trashing ordinary people's achievements, in the face of people on here showing you how hard they've worked, against all the odds, I think it has its place. Sorry.

Reform by pushing up the people who need help not by dragging people down. There's just no need.

Sometimes as in many situations it is numerous factors that create success

Hard work
Luck
Right place right time
Confidence

However there's are so many people who work constantly hard there whole life and never get a break

I'm sure they have worked hard. The point is that they haven't necessarily worked any harder than other people who haven't had the same material success. They also often forget that they've worked that hard because they've enjoyed a lot of the benefits, like status, job satisfaction, excellent remuneration, not having to clean poo off toilets etc, not because of superior moral fibre.

in the face of people on here showing you how hard they've worked, against all the odds

Are you ignoring those who agree with the OP.
Looking at social mobility those who have done well despite the odds are not so represented statistically.

Reform by pushing up the people who need help not by dragging people down. There's just no need.'

Why aren't the have's doing more? Why aren't they bringing people up with them? Why aren't they being kind?

They are not ‘just’ lucky, neither did they ‘just’ work hard

For most people it’s both.

Only the extremely privileged think Bullingdon Club get by on just that alone

@longue

Exactly this. I came from single parent council estate and have worked my ass off to now earn well into six figures with help from no-one.

Are you surrounded by others like you?

The vast majority of people I know in a similar position to me eg expensive homes, professional jobs, 6 fig incomes all have very similar backgrounds.

Someone I know does one of those fuck off jobs too, and he's largely surrounded by silver spooners, so 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Glasstabletop

No.

I worked really hard to get where I am against some pretty shitty odds.

I was also incredibly lucky. When people hear about my background I often get comments on how hard I have worked etc etc. It fucks me off no end.

As if my friends who ended up dead or addicts or in dead end jobs just didn't have the gumption to pull themselves up, no they just were not as fucking lucky as I am.

I know people who work way harder than me by every metric and have fuck all to show for it.

⬆️ this

I agree. The implication is that all the people who haven't been as successful made a choice not to work hard. It's wildly insensitive to people who work hard in low paid jobs.

OP, have you seen the thread about ice cream vans? Looks like someone has been using their hairy hands to wind you up.

Anyway, I know what you mean. I have heard some people proudly proclaiming how hard they've worked for everything they've got, while glossing over all the advantages they had along the way to help them. Some people are just utterly lacking in self awareness, or any empathy for those who've worked just as hard, but never got the breaks. Life can be very unfair, and there are plenty of hard working, decent people who deserve better than they get. That's why it's important to help others who are less fortunate, if possible. That could involve charitable donations, voluntary work, or maybe mentoring disadvantaged young people in some way - all these things help to redress the balance.

In saying "I worked hard ..." to have achieved some privileged position, undermines all those other people who have also worked hard, but didn't earn those privileges. Its a kind of bravado statement that reeks of self glorification. Most people have to work hard, so stating it about oneself seems egocentric.

The type of people who I have come across making that statement are typically older (usually retired), come from poor families/areas and did not go to university. Working class baby boomers who have worked most of their lives and brought up families as best they could. And on the whole I tend to agree with them.

What's wrong with "be kind" ffs? It's one of my personal "commandments" and I really try to stick to it. If everyone tried to "be kind" to other people/animals/the planet... the World would be a hell of a nicer place!

I have noticed that it seems to be a hobby for some to come on MN and NOT be nice... meh

All the jobs I have worked, the lowest paid is always the hardest.

I agree with this. My jobs have been in admin, mostly pretty cruisy and reasonably well paid. Since I have been doing temp work I have done jobs classed as labouring - much harder work for much less reward.

What's wrong with "be kind" ffs? It's one of my personal "commandments" and I really try to stick to it. If everyone tried to "be kind" to other people/animals/the planet... the World would be a hell of a nicer place!

Well said. For many it is more than an "empty catchphrase". Whether those who dismiss it believe it or not, some people are kind, and really, of all the phrases to complain about

It's about seizing opportunities and taking risks. Successful people are often risk takers coupled with intelligence. Don't knock this. But saying you worked bl**dy hard is possible but not the main reason you are successful.

@MessyMissyMe

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

Well I don’t agree. You don’t know other people’s lives. You can come from an affluent home and be neglected, abused etc. The hurt is the same if you are poor (except you may have a fuller stomach)

I was raised on a council estate with an alcoholic father, i was sexually abused, something I can only talk openly about in my 40s. I attended university whilst working full time and having children and have still not completed that qualification.

I’m what other people call a high earner. I made sure that the man I chose was who he said he was before having children (we are not perfect, but we work at keeping things together). Some decisions are not luck, they are practical manoeuvres.

My sisters made other choices but do not begrudge me what I have and are both working towards what they need from life.

I notice people live in the present and move from disaster to disaster. Don’t take a step back or allow themselves to grow. Sometimes they are afraid of doing something different and are afraid of leaving friends behind. Fear is the reason we do a lot of things, I grew up poor and unprotected. I was determined not to stay poor. I worked hard, code switch to this day and keep it moving. Others believe they can’t be more than what they are. That’s not luck that’s mindset.

There seems to be lots of people on here claiming that everyone works hard - or at least implying it.

So ill put my hand up and say I haven't. I had all the potential for that, all the "luck". Intelligent. Middle class background, pre tuition fees uni course, living costs funded by parents so didn't have to work term time.

As an adult, I haven't made the most of every opportunity career wise. I have chosen lower paid but not as challenging work. Now I have dcs, I have actively picked a job that while might be stressful while I'm doing it, I can mentally switch off as soon as I'm out of the door and is only part time.

Subsequently, I've got a comfortable lifestyle, but nowhere near as wealthy as contemporaries from school /uni/first graduate jobs. I'm happy with my choices, little pang from the photos of swimming pools, but generally accept that I wasn't prepared to make the time and emotional sacrifices to get there.

You are being completely unreasonable and sounds like you are lazy and making excuses for yourself. I went to university in my late twenties, I come from a very deprived background with two alcoholic parents and have 6 siblings with various levels of ability, I am not the smartest in my family but I am by far the most determined, and I am the most successful. I've always given 110% . I have family members with your attitude and it pisses off. Some of the most successful people in the world have self started from absolutely nothing. Life is what you make of it no matter where you start from.

'luck' that's an interesting term. Like the Op I had to give up my work for caring responsibilities. I lost many hundreds of thousands of pounds being kind. I didn't have a privileged childhood but my mother had, so was elegant and intelligent. My father wc but just lovely. My siblings chose 9-5 jobs and I got up everyday at 5am to do a London commute. Thirty years later my sister and some friends think I am lucky to have a top job paying a large salary. I still get up at 5 to talk to my clients overseas and the same at the end of the day for different time zones. It is not physically hard like the shifts I did for the local hospice I worked for during my caring years. But it is mentally hard. I am getting older and I could do with slowing down. We lost a great deal in the crash twelve years ago and we are trying to create some savings. I am kind to my staff and give away a good portion of my income to charities particularly those who helped us. I have old money wealthy friends. Some work hard, others spend their inheritance. As long as they pay their taxes and buy their share of the drinks, not my business.