AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

[MessyMissyMe]

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

YABU to generalise, in my experience anyone who says that they worked hard to get where they are actually have worked their butts off. In that I include a friend who was from a difficult family background, expelled from 3 schools, left with no qualifications but worked really hard to build a business from nothing and is now extremely well off. No luck, just work ethic, a great business brain and fearless risk taking.

Me and DH now have a six figure annual income between us, we’re now in our early 50’s. We both come from very working class backgrounds, uni wasn’t even an option. We have both worked at our careers, earned promotions over the years, made sacrifices and feel that we’ve worked ruddy hard in our working lives. If anyone told me I was just lucky I’d firmly tell them to jog on.

Are you saying people who go to university don’t work hard?

I don't think OP is saying that at all. I think they are saying that low paid people also work hard.

You sound extremely bitter.

I don't think OP sounds bitter. Just realistic

If you work hard and earn big money great, but don't assume that those of us on low wages don't work hard. 12 hour shift in a care home on NMW? They work really hard.

"I worked hard to get where I am" sounds smug and superior

Tiredy but you are lucky. Lots of peoples hard work gets them a low wage

I worked hard to get where I am. No luck, pure grit and determination.
I hard a very bad upbringing, led to serious MH diagnosis, experienced DV and alcoholism (family member not me)
I went to uni as a mature student, took me longer due to MH and now I have a good job, pay is good but not huge and my kids are doing well. One a graduate the other going this year.
My parents didn't value education so was not supported, they don't even know what degree I have.

Yes some people who say they worked hard actually had a lot handed to them, but not all. And many worked hard and still have very little. I can't afford to buy a house but we rent a lovely place near good schools. I'm proud of my hard work but I hope my kids don't have to work so hard.

People create their own luck, so YABU.

I firmly believe by putting yourself out there and working hard, funnily enough you get more 'lucky'

I'd consider myself successful and 'luck' that has come my way has been through hard work and drive, when me peers are out on the piss I'm focused to my career and taking risks - that's another key thing that many people are scared to do. The more risks you take the 'luckier' you seem to get.

Also - when I look at most people in life successful, they appear to have done the same (of course you get some wealthy kids with inherited 'luck' but that's the minority IMO)

@TiredyMcTired

YABU to generalise, in my experience anyone who says that they worked hard to get where they are actually have worked their butts off. In that I include a friend who was from a difficult family background, expelled from 3 schools, left with no qualifications but worked really hard to build a business from nothing and is now extremely well off. No luck, just work ethic, a great business brain and fearless risk taking.

Me and DH now have a six figure annual income between us, we’re now in our early 50’s. We both come from very working class backgrounds, uni wasn’t even an option. We have both worked at our careers, earned promotions over the years, made sacrifices and feel that we’ve worked ruddy hard in our working lives. If anyone told me I was just lucky I’d firmly tell them to jog on.

Well said. And well done on your achievements.

Op sounds bitter because she says ita all down to luck and that people don't deserve their success.

Its very rarely down to pure luck. It does often have some luck, involved. But that's not always as clear cut as luck or hard work.

Saying your work hard doesn't mean yiu think other people don't. 'I have worked hard for this' isn't inferring anything about anyone else. It's a statement about themselves. No one else.

I worked hard to lose 3 stone last year. That doesn't mean people who wanted to lose weight but lost, 2 didn't work hard. It's just a statement about me.

If someone decided to get offended because they lost 2 so were thinking I was saying they didn't work hard, that's down to them.

That's why it comes across as bitter.

I don’t think celebrating achievements is any insult to people who haven’t achieved the same things. It’s total crabs in a bucket mentality to resent people for their success.

Well-off parents connections and a private educations doesn’t mean you aren’t subject to other things that make life hard. Messy divorces, violence in the home, toxic parents, eating disorders, neurodiversity, illness, deaths of parents or siblings at a young age, depression, drugs, PTSD. When someone says they have worked hard to get where they are it’s kind of naive that you don’t consider what they overcame or what their individual challenges were or are.

I have loads of privilege and I worked damn hard to get where I am. None of my challenges were money related. All of my friends and I suffered at least two of the things on the list above.

Yes privileges give you a better starting position but you don’t know til you ran someone’s path what was actually on that path. They might have have an army style obstacle race to run while you are bitching about what shoes they are running in and whether their mates got them a discount.

That said, I know my cleaner works fucking hard. And I don’t mean cleaning my house. I mean her kids his dad family dog house school other business. She never sits down to even have 10 mins for herself from one minute of the day to the next. A CEO of an oil company has no right to say she doesn’t work as hard or in as a committed way as them just because their jobs and lives are different.

It’s a flippant line, that’s arrogant and ignorant.

If someone says they worked hard to get where they are, I would take it in good faith that they don't judge others. I think for the most part they mean they worked hard within their personal circumstances. If they say they worked harder than most other people, I would think they were dicks.

It would feel odd to me to say "I worked hard to get where I am but I also know it's partly because of xyz and luck."

Whereas for someone who grew up in care then a council estate with no financial or familial safety net, I grafted my way out of the norm for my situation then took risks to set up my own business but also know that I benefit from white privilege, being naturally inquisitive and bright - but saying that makes me feel awkward as if I'm being arrogant or showing off.

I went to uni and didnt work hard compares to people doing long shifts on minimum wage. Ive worked hard to get where I am but I dont think thats particularly special in comparison to others.

I believe you are being completely unreasonable. I know very many people who have come from nothing and had no particular advantages to start with who through hard work and inner savvy have done rather well for themselves.

Absolutely. It's not a lie to say we worked hard at university of course but it's not just that that got us where we with good pay, a nice life etc. it's A LOT of luck.

@Lentil63

I believe you are being completely unreasonable. I know very many people who have come from nothing and had no particular advantages to start with who through hard work and inner savvy have done rather well for themselves.

Exactly this. I came from single parent council estate and have worked my ass off to now earn well into six figures with help from no-one.

Nothing but pure hard work, I had no connections - nothing. Had no one in my family to help I just worked very hard at school and in my career.

So quite frankly, YABVVU and bitter.

@PopcornMuncher

Tiredy but you are lucky. Lots of peoples hard work gets them a low wage

And that's more shit that needs to change. "Low paid" jobs should still pay enough to live well enough on.

Some people would be blissfully happy in those jobs if they paid well enough. I know people that this is true for.

It still doesn't mean other people haven't worked for what they've achieved though. It shouldn't be either/or.

The current disparity in NMW and real world living costs fuels resentment and divide where there needn't be it.

And again, more done to support social mobility.

Inherited intellect doesn't exist.
How do u know what's what's on in people's backgrounds?
No one knows what stresses others have in their life.
You definitely sound bitter.
Grass is greener on the other side?
Always remember, with money comes responsibility

I have what i have because I worked very very hard, took huge risks
did 3 jobs when others did F all , its not luck .
its grit ,I have no qualifications and I am dyslexic.
I had a shite family life ,
I can't stand it when people think being wealthy is just by bloody
magic ...
WORK HARD WORK SMART LUCKY BS

As has already been pointed out there are many things that make a person successful. Being born into wealth with good connections, good looks, tall height, great personality, gravitas, gender, race, good optimal mental and physical health, high intellect, motivation and drive to succeed. Yes it’s true some people may get lucky (lottery winners and the like thereof) but these people are few and far between. I’m not extremely successful but I worked hard in my life for what I have. Poor health has held me back.

Also bad decisions can lesson the amount of 'luck' you have

I get slightly riled by friends who have swanned into positions/columns on big newspapers because of who their family are, they genuinely think they've worked really hard to get there.

That said it doesn't bother me much, I've worked really hard and I'm happy with where I am.

I don't know some people work mega hard and end up in high paid job through nothing bad hard graft

My husband went to sea at 15 years old and worked on trawlers for years , then moved to drilling offshore and works internationally on 6 figures but absolutely works and has worked his ass of in a highly dangerous jobs

He has no education and has had no help, just hard work to get him the money he earns.

My husband says it all the time “I’ve worked hard to get where I am” snd he’s right! He went to college and university. He paid his student loan off himself. He started in a low paid job at the bottom and worked his way up. Now at age 43 he’s a Director snd in his way to becoming the Managing Director of the company he works for. I can assure you that luck has nothing to do with it and nothing has just fell into his lap.

I don’t think it’s that black and white but I know where you’re coming from. I think certain people have worked very hard and also been quite lucky..e.g. my mum came from a working class background, had nothing growing up and has become extremely successful owning her own business and worked her socks off to do it on her own while raising me as a single mum. However...she was lucky in that she had a great mum who didn’t work but stayed at home nurturing this resilient personality and confidence.

It does wind me up when people infer that people with very little money or homeless people only have themselves to blame or could do as well as others if they worked hard enough though. Some people have had horrible damaging childhoods and have no confidence, or they just aren’t as clever naturally or have had big obstacles to overcome. In that respect it is luck of the draw but it’s not to say successful people don’t also work hard.

Acknowledging the role of luck or chance isn't suggesting that things 'fell into your lap'.

It's just acknowledging that in all aspects of our lives there is an element of chance. That includes career success or otherwise.

Always remember, with money comes responsibility

Someone needs to let the government know that!