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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

970 replies

MessyMissyMe · 07/09/2021 18:06

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

OP posts:
PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed · 07/09/2021 20:36

God, chippy much!

I went to the best uni in the country, had a middle class upbringing but not hugely wealthy (not a penny since uni). My degree was HARD and I completed it whilst suffering from a major mental issue which plagued me for 10 years and wrote off my whole twenties. I completed several post grad qualifications in that period (whilst working full time). I worked 20 hour days in the corporate world. I didn’t have any undisturbed holiday time and generally had quite a miserable life for a decade or so. Wouldn’t recommend it.

If you looked at me now, I presume you’d just shrug and say I was lucky. There was seriously hard graft in that time and serious health issues which didn’t get the treatment they needed because I was grafting too hard to look after myself.

Some people are luckier than others. Some are more resilient than others. And don’t forget that some people just make bloody stupid choices…..

SalsaLove · 07/09/2021 20:38

My husband: born with natural gifts, think hard sciences

Me: Not as clever but with good social skills

We both put our natural talents to further education. Your life is what you make of it to a great extent. And I don’t mean those who are disabled but honestly, I’ve been knocked down and was homeless. Rise up .

Claudia84 · 07/09/2021 20:42

You can be lucky AND work hard
Not many people are going to say “I got lucky but actually I’m lazy AF”.
And saying you work hard doesn’t also imply other people don’t.

m0therofdragons · 07/09/2021 20:46

Some of it is luck but some of it is about making good life choices. Those who work hard and engage in their education are more likely to succeed than those who bunk off. Family can play a part but I’ve also seen dc from challenging homes be inspired to work hard and break the pattern and I’ve seen dc be complacent and expect everything handed on a plate.

Luck only gets you so far.

Srtis · 07/09/2021 20:48

Luck does play a huge part in life. I consider myself lucky. Most people work relatively hard don’t they?

AnyOldPrion · 07/09/2021 20:48

It’s a very defensive stance and if they really thought it, they perhaps wouldn’t have to shove it down everyone’s throat all the time. Not talking about people (some of whom are probably on this thread) who have lifted themselves from very tough backgrounds into a reasonable level of success, I’m talking about those who worked their way to being super-rich.

Having worked for (and relatively closely with) someone who set up a company, expanded it at an incredible pace, taking loads of risk and eventually sold it for millions, I would say that what he had was not so much to do with working harder than the rest of us, as nerves of steel and a mindset and a level of dedication that I could see I would never have, at least in the business arena.

Pretty sure he would never, ever say he got there all under his own steam though. He recognized the work thousands of other people put into making it work.

wedwewerpink · 07/09/2021 20:49

I have been lucky, privileged etc etc yes but that doesn't mean that I didn't work hard Confused
I still had to finish secondary school with good enough marks to get on the university course I wanted, I STILL had to do all the assignments and study to pass my uni course. I STILL had to apply for jobs and get through interview processes. I STILL had to work my way through a career pathway and put in graft at work. I STILL had to save for my first house deposit and overpay my mortgage.

Just because I had loving parents who supported me and provided a stable childhood doesn't mean you get to negate my self discipline and hard work at achieving what I have.

And YES there are ppl who have worked harder but that again doesn't mean that I haven't worked as hard as I could.

cookingisoverrated · 07/09/2021 20:50

@SinisterBumFacedCat

Agree. People should really acknowledge their luck in life. It isn’t all hard work, something as basic as perfect health gives people an advantage.

All the jobs I have worked, the lowest paid is always the hardest.

Exactly this.

My dad was super intelligent, very highly educated and did very well in life, despite coming from absolute poverty.

He was very clear that the hardest work he ever did by far was when he was a teenager working on fishing boats in the summers. University and professional jobs were a breeze in comparison.

BrozTito · 07/09/2021 20:52

Flat caps all over the shop.

SkinnyMirror · 07/09/2021 20:52

I always found that the harder I worked, the luckier I became.

Boy nobody is denying that hard work is key. But denying the existence of luck (or chance) is ridiculous!

We were a working class family with parents who both valued learning and we were able to go to a grammar school before the politics of envy got rid of them because they were successful, rather than making the rest of the tri-partite system work.

Seems like there was some luck/chance involved here 🤷🏼‍♀️

Booknooks · 07/09/2021 20:54

I think the opposite is truer, that just as someone might not be successful, it doesn't mean they haven't worked hard, there might just be circumstances etc that have prevented them reaching their potential.

HavelockVetinari · 07/09/2021 20:55

I agree OP. As a student I worked in care and as a waitress. It was much tougher working 18h shifts for minimum wage than doing what I do now.

I'm lucky I have really bright, loving parents who stayed together and helped with my university costs.i didn't work for my intelligence, I was born with it, and it made a huge difference to my life.

SkinnyMirror · 07/09/2021 20:56

@Lorw

YABU. My dad came from a working class family, left school with no qualifications and never went to uni, was a dad to 3 at 19, he now has 3 successful businesses, mortgage free house etc (he’s 50) and he worked fucking hard to get where he is today, working sometimes 3 jobs, 7 day weeks and long tiring hours to save enough money and still afford to live and pay for his children, making sacrifices, no luck involved just hard work.
No luck whatsoever?

You do realise that just admitting that luck/chance plays a part (even just a little bit) doesn't detract from the amount of hard work someone has put in.

I work so hard and have achieved a lot but I can acknowledge that there were times when luck helped me along.

Glasstabletop · 07/09/2021 20:56

@Sarahlou63

The source is literally every study done on educational achievement ever anywhere in the world. Fucking hell.

ohdelay · 07/09/2021 20:57

The market determines income. Rarity of skill, unsociable hours, potential danger etc all carry extra rewards. Also taking on risk or creating unique, desirable products can lead to bigger outcomes. Luck and hard work can also be factors for self generated wealth. We’re lucky to live in the UK where the rules are pretty obvious and we get to make choices.

weresouth · 07/09/2021 20:59

Well I think a lot of people do work hard but the ones who do well tend to have had a leg up which often gets overlooked.
All you have to do is look at social mobility stats, if your born into poverty it's very hard to escape.

weresouth · 07/09/2021 21:01

I'm not sure why it's so offensive to acknowledge certain privileges?

mbosnz · 07/09/2021 21:01

I think there is resistance to acknowledging the good fortune that comes an individual's way - be that good health, good intellect, good family, lack of trauma, having access to good food, water and health care, not being born in a war zone.

We need to look down as well as look up, see our good fortune, appreciate it, and acknowledge that not everyone enjoys our blessings.

RacistAngst · 07/09/2021 21:02

Hmm….
My parents are not university educated. They had not a penny in their name when they first got married.
What they have is through hard work and being frugal all their life…

Reality is that they might have had all the things the OP said, uni, good childhood etc… but they would still need to work hard to stay in those higher posions.
Well unless you have serious money or are a politician… which most people aren’t.

gwenneh · 07/09/2021 21:02

@weresouth

I'm not sure why it's so offensive to acknowledge certain privileges?
It's not, but it's equally offensive to assume that those who have achieved something didn't work for it. Sometimes they didn't. Sometimes they did.
Glasstabletop · 07/09/2021 21:03

@m0therofdragons

Some of it is luck but some of it is about making good life choices. Those who work hard and engage in their education are more likely to succeed than those who bunk off. Family can play a part but I’ve also seen dc from challenging homes be inspired to work hard and break the pattern and I’ve seen dc be complacent and expect everything handed on a plate.

Luck only gets you so far.

So, to clarify, are you claiming that those "dc from challenging homes" who "work hard" prove that childhood deprivation doesn't impact on adult outcomes.... it's just hard work? Which is the bigger factor would you say? Hard work or luck?
Foghead · 07/09/2021 21:03

Most healthy people in the western world have the same baseline of ‘luck’. Good healthcare, access to education, a home. Should everyone acknowledge that, whether they’ve done well in life or not then?

RamblingJenny · 07/09/2021 21:04

100% also very much about your parents role/lack of.

OH parents peddled him to study. Kept him focussed (a little too much at times) but he’s not naturally gifted at anything per say. He won’t mind me saying this he says it himself. But he’s got a good job as he’s had lots of direction, encouragement, support. Help with interviews etc.

I on the other hand, I have a natural talent for a certain area, I want to say this without sounding big headed. Not saying I’m gifted or incredible but find this area easy but my parents just left me to it. Did not encourage it or guide it.
I failed constantly as I couldn’t deal with any obstacles. Now we have kids I can see how much I’ve been let down. They are not bad parents by any means, but they did not do their job to the best of their ability and I can honestly say that I’d be in the career I wanted had they given me the same dedication and commitment that my OH’s parents gave him.

RacistAngst · 07/09/2021 21:04

@weresouth

Well I think a lot of people do work hard but the ones who do well tend to have had a leg up which often gets overlooked. All you have to do is look at social mobility stats, if your born into poverty it's very hard to escape.
That is true.

What it doesn’t say is whether those whose poor are working harder than those who are better off.
I don’t think that’s the case.
It’s a different type of work but I wouldn’t say that a lawyer working all hours isn’t working hard for example.

SkinnyMirror · 07/09/2021 21:05

@Foghead

Most healthy people in the western world have the same baseline of ‘luck’. Good healthcare, access to education, a home. Should everyone acknowledge that, whether they’ve done well in life or not then?
😂😂😂 If only that were true