AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

[MessyMissyMe]

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

@sst1234 - where did I say I didn't 'believe' (whatever that means) in hard work?

I said I've most often heard that well-worn, CJ-from-The-Fall-and-Rise-of-Reginald-Periin-type quote from people who use it to suggest other people are lazy, or of lesser value - when they're attempting to cast themselves in a favourable light as having made some Herculean effort over and above what would normally be considered 'hard work'. I mean, who, actually, says that about themselves anyway? 'I worked hard to get where I am' - it just sounds so corny and, well, vain.

Just my personal experience, by the way and 'hard work' is subjective anyway. One person's 'hard work' is another's 'easy street'.

YABU
I’ve not had financial support from anyone, working class single parent family for many years, still working class but worked my way up. Had some really shitty odds but worked hard.

Absolutely agree! Luck also in the way that some people are born with more intelligence so it’s clearer how to make more money, better looks, more supportive family etc. I hate people who say we work hard for our money though. Er yea employees with minimum wage jobs also work their arses off too. Complete luck.

I agree OP - and I had many of the advantages in your OP.

Of course it’s easier for someone like me to end up in a well paid job.

Yes, I do work hard - my job is busy and can be stressful. But most people in paid work work hard.

Some people work far harder than me for much less. Doesn’t hurt to acknowledge the innate advantages I’ve had.

This topic always gets people worked up.

I worked hard to overcome an abusive childhood which ended up with me becoming an addict. I'm highly educated (PhD) and successful with my own business. HOWEVER, there are millions of people in the world who work harder than I ever have and have very little to show for it. I actually really don't like the phrase either and only used it here to illustrate my feelings.

Of course luck plays a part. But the premise that hard work doesn’t matter is usually trotted out by people that want to dumb down people’s ambitions. If you tell people enough times that success is a matter of luck, they will stop trying. It’s a way of lowering the bar so it’s easy for people reach without trying hard.

YABVVVU
I was ostensibly privileged but dropped out of uni. My story is on Stately Homes.

When I was 21 I landed a really good job and worked my backside off. In at 7.30am, home at 9. No going out in the week, exercising huge self discipline. Bought a flat early because I had no stable home.

Oh how my friends told me I was nuts in my 20s to work so hard. And then in my 30s when they couldn't afford to stay in London or give up work, etc., I was lucky. But no whilst they were swanning around Bali and the Antipodes I was working my backside off.

DH went to the local comp. First in family to make uni. Worked chuffing hard to become a leader in his field.

I think the assumption that everyone in a high paid role is just lucky is as bad as the inference that people who have a low paid job don't work hard.

I am in a senior and high paid role, I'm white, in my 30s and (depending who I'm speaking to and the context) am well spoken.

I'm also one of 4 children, of a working class couple, no one in my family has a university education. My mum committed suicide when I was 21, my youngest brother at the time was 5, my dad was terminally ill and passed away 7 years later after a long slow painful illness.

I was working holidays and weekends by the time I was 15, summer jobs from when I was 13 and worked 25 hours a week all through my A-Levels.

Sometimes people have just worked hard for what they have.

Yeah- bollocks to the 'work hard for where I am brigade'. I have worked my sorry arse off- studying nights and weekends when the kids were little, working in stressful posts to build up experience...But I am a lucky sob. I am smart (which is really just luck isn't it- like being tall or blonde) and find it easy to take in new information and academic tasks didn't really trouble me until doctorate level. I am also lucky as my parents supported (financially) my Masters and helped with childcare costs when I was gaining experience working for free I am also lucky that I really knew my parents believed in me and would support my choices. So yup, lucky me (but I have/do work very hard)

Luck plays a part
Hard work plays a part
Working "smarter" plays a part

There is no single factor. It's a mix. You can be successful by working hard without luck, or being lucky and not working hard.

But if you work hard or smart (or both), you're more likely to be more successful especially if you get a bit of luck along the way.

Agree completely! It's something that's always bothered me about Dwayne Johnson and his 'I came from nothing' life story. His father and grandfather were professional wrestlers in the WWF, he had a loving family and his mother instilled a strong work ethic. I don't doubt he was broke at one point or that he had an easy life at all times, but being a third generation wrestler with famous relatives didn't just open doors for him, it lubed up the bloody threshold.

YABU! I was a single teenage mum of 2 dc living off state benefits when I put myself through an OU degree studying every evening alone once the dc were in bed. Yes I worked fucking hard to get where I am in life as have many many other people. Sure for some it’s a bit of luck and knowing the right people, having a good income etc, but for the vast majority it is hard work and determination

Some people worked hard to get where they are, some people were dropped there through pure luck, and some are in between.

It's fine to celebrate achievement, but not cool to insinuate that people who haven't 'achieved' have not worked hard. I think it shows way more class to be proud of what you've done whilst recognising the 'help' you got on the way due to your circumstances, that others might not have enjoyed.

Breaking through class/sex/race barriers is really hard work. Well done to anyone who's done that and bettered their families circumstances.

@sst1234

Of course luck plays a part. But the premise that hard work doesn’t matter is usually trotted out by people that want to dumb down people’s ambitions. If you tell people enough times that success is a matter of luck, they will stop trying. It’s a way of lowering the bar so it’s easy for people reach without trying hard.

And the premise that hard work equals success is often trotted out by people that want to exploit people's labour. If you tell people enough times that success is down to hard work they will try even harder, and while some may be rewarded, the real winners will be those they're working for.

@Briony123

Yes of course. Same as most of us won the global lottery by being born in a western/developed country offering free universal education and free/affordable healthcare. Don't you realise how lucky you are through no merit of your own? One stroke of luck stopped you possibly being one of those poor people attempting to escape Syria of Afghanistan.

So what does that say about those who are born here are healthy and didn’t work hard?

Ah if only it were a case of hard work. Right place right time always a factor. Agree need to be effort into being in the right place right time. Won’t just happen. Maybe that is one step removed from luck.

DH grew up in a mining village in the NE with abusive parents in a council flat. He works in the city abs is a very high earner.
No support, resources.

I’ve worked my bloody arse off to get to where I am in my career. I didn’t go to uni. I didn’t have inheritance. I didn’t get hand outs.

I did work a full time job with a part time job on top to fund where I want to be in life. You make your own success, I didn’t and won’t ever rely on others.

Hitler was apparently pretty lazy and look at him....
(Also homeless at one point)
So maybe yeah

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Don't you think people who go to uni work hard?

No!

Some are definitely in a position that no amount of hard work would drastically change their outcome. But for others it is a mixture. The harder I worked definitely equalled the luck I got. I was the sad person who spent 18 - 25 working three jobs to get a deposit, no car, no holidays and few night out, then lucky that I bought at a recession which then turned into a boom that left many of my peers in the same main job trying to save for deposits that were rising quicker than they could save. Having a disabled child has wiped out lots of my luck in career and finances. But I am still in a better position than I would of been if I had not spent many years saving and not spending, and always looking for ways to maximise my income.

I see 'I worked hard to get where I am' as a kind of protective incantation. I worked hard, therefore I deserve this, therefore I don't need to think about all the others not in my [fortunate] position and don-#t need to worry that it will be taken away from me. If you acknowledge good fortune, you have to acknowledge both the injustice and the vagaries of life.

My own modest and niche success has arisen from a non-disentanglable intertwinement of hard work, brave decisions, ability (which comes under luck really) and luck.

No, @Lightisnotwhite? Can you elaborate on why you don't think those who go to uni work hard?

Ok, I’ll bite.
I consider myself very lucky and privileged to have the job, and salary, I do. But I have worked bloody hard for it and made quite considerable sacrifices. Would I be in this position without that hard work - no chance.
My mum was a single parent, I was the first in my family to go to university. I was lucky - my family were very supportive emotionally. They were my cheerleaders.
As others, I’ve worked very long hours, moved around the country. The harder I worked the luckier I got. Yes I am lucky to have the brain and social skills but it’s not just what you’ve got, it’s how you use it. And that was about drive, determination and ambition.

I agree with you OP but I think it's how hard you find it along the way that propels you forward or holds you back.

I wasn't very resilient when I was younger so I got nowhere because every rejection crushed me.