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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL doing what she wants

111 replies

Duly20 · 07/09/2021 14:26

So I have started back at work, me and my husband are trying to sort out childcare for little one. So some days he will go nursery, some days hubby will keep and some days my MIL will keep him.. the issue I am having is that I’m telling my MIL on the days where I am working EARLY AM shifts then she should come over to my house and watch my little one. He has a really good routine going on at home.. he eats well and sleeps well. But she has insisted that she will come at 7 am and take him to her house. I have explained that it’s better to stay at home as he is used to him own environment.. take him out of that then he plays up. When he goes somewhere new he doesn’t sleep or eat and then he is difficult for me in the night. I have told her many times and tried to explain that he is only little so let him just keep his morning routine the same. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too fussy?

OP posts:
Samanabanana · 07/09/2021 14:28

I think if MIL is providing free childcare then you can't really demand where she provides it as long as DC is safe. You'll need to pay for childcare if you want to dictate exactly how DC is looked after

RampantIvy · 07/09/2021 14:28

If she is providing free childcare I think you will have to suck it up.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 07/09/2021 14:31

She’s a granny not a nanny. If you want to dictate and where your child is cared, you need to pay

Miniroofbox · 07/09/2021 14:32

If you want someone to do that, pay for childcare.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 07/09/2021 14:32

She's doing what suits her best while providing free (I assume) childcare. If you aren't happy with that then you don't get to tell her what to do. You have to say ok, fair enough, sorry but that isn't going to work so I'll arrange alternative childcare. Then you thank her and assure her she'll see plenty of her grandchild.

2typesofjungle · 07/09/2021 14:32

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Are you planning to keep your child in your home forever?
Free childcare comes with caveats. She's doing you a favour, thank her and make it as easy as possible for her.

Bagelsandbrie · 07/09/2021 14:33

Free childcare from a relative = suck it up.

Ughmaybenot · 07/09/2021 14:33

If you want it done just as you want it, you need to look into private paid childcare.

Daisydrum · 07/09/2021 14:33

You say some days he is going to Nursery - is that not a different routine as it’s out of his home?

UserAtLargeAgain · 07/09/2021 14:33

If he goes to his gran's every week, he'll soon get used to her house as well. Why doesn't he have the playing up issues when he goes to nursery?

Iwonder08 · 07/09/2021 14:34

Definitely unreasonable. She is not a nanny. He will get used to going to her place.

Toottooot · 07/09/2021 14:35

Don’t like it - pay for someone to look after your child. She’s doing you a favour as she’s really not obliged to do your childcare.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 07/09/2021 14:35

What about when you have to send the baby to nursery ? The nursery won’t come over and sit in your house til he’s ready!

toomuchlaundry · 07/09/2021 14:35

How is going to be at nursery if out of the home environment?

How many hours would your MIL have to look after DC in your house?

Justmuddlingalong · 07/09/2021 14:35

If I was providing free childcare, the child would fit in around my day. I'd want to get on with my day as well as looking after the wee one. If it doesn't suit you, make other arrangements.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2021 14:36

Honestly, yet another cheeky, entitled mum who expects free childcare from grandma but yet still wants to control everything.
Pay for childcare if you don't like how she's doing it. Why would she want to sit in your house all day long when she could be a hers, getting other things done?

CarryOnNurse20 · 07/09/2021 14:37

Yeah I agree with the pp OP. I know it’s hard especially with your PFB but if she’s doing free childcare she gets to choose (IMO) and most people find it easier in their own environment. Just say thank you and be grateful for the extra 💰!

Anordinarymum · 07/09/2021 14:37

@Duly20

So I have started back at work, me and my husband are trying to sort out childcare for little one. So some days he will go nursery, some days hubby will keep and some days my MIL will keep him.. the issue I am having is that I’m telling my MIL on the days where I am working EARLY AM shifts then she should come over to my house and watch my little one. He has a really good routine going on at home.. he eats well and sleeps well. But she has insisted that she will come at 7 am and take him to her house. I have explained that it’s better to stay at home as he is used to him own environment.. take him out of that then he plays up. When he goes somewhere new he doesn’t sleep or eat and then he is difficult for me in the night. I have told her many times and tried to explain that he is only little so let him just keep his morning routine the same. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too fussy?
You are being completely unreasonable. If this does not work, then change the shifts
SoundAndVisions · 07/09/2021 14:38

I understand you want to keep him in his routine as much as possible, but if you used a childminder or nursery they wouldn’t come to your home to mind him. They do have to get used to being in different environments at some point. If everything else is fine I would really let this go

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/09/2021 14:38

Yes YABU. She is doing you a massive favour and saving you so much money and you are trying to dictate exactly how she does it. Especially since you're sending him to nursery, he obviously can cope with being out the house and will quickly establish a routine with her

moynomore · 07/09/2021 14:38

You are being very unreasonable. I would never have dictated to my mum where she had to be when providing free care for my daughter. I'm surprised she hasn't told you to forget it then

PhoboPhobia · 07/09/2021 14:38

Just echoing all of the above. Free childcare doesn’t come with everything exactly how you want it. If you have a number of sources for care your DC is going to have to become used to different set ups.

ApolloandDaphne · 07/09/2021 14:39

I think if I was your MIL I would do the same. At least in her own house she can potter around doing stuff and she probably feels more comfortable caring for him in her own surroundings. I would just let her get on with it. Your DC will adjust.

Dillydollydingdong · 07/09/2021 14:40

You are being unreasonable. You want her to get up early, come over to yours and stay there until someone come home to take over? All that time she can't get on with her own chores, and no one feels comfortable in someone else's house. And it's better for ds to get used to being in different places. How old is this poor MIL? It sounds like you need to get paid childcare.

SouthOfFrance · 07/09/2021 14:40

And yet you are also sending your child to a nursery.... Confused