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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL doing what she wants

111 replies

Duly20 · 07/09/2021 14:26

So I have started back at work, me and my husband are trying to sort out childcare for little one. So some days he will go nursery, some days hubby will keep and some days my MIL will keep him.. the issue I am having is that I’m telling my MIL on the days where I am working EARLY AM shifts then she should come over to my house and watch my little one. He has a really good routine going on at home.. he eats well and sleeps well. But she has insisted that she will come at 7 am and take him to her house. I have explained that it’s better to stay at home as he is used to him own environment.. take him out of that then he plays up. When he goes somewhere new he doesn’t sleep or eat and then he is difficult for me in the night. I have told her many times and tried to explain that he is only little so let him just keep his morning routine the same. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too fussy?

OP posts:
Undisclosedlocation · 07/09/2021 15:46

You are being incredibly unreasonable. If I were in your MIL shoes, I’d be reassessing whether or not I was prepared to uproot my life to help you with an attitude like yours tbh

HawksAreRed · 07/09/2021 15:47

Of course it's easier for you if she comes to yours. DS will have all of his own things etc and you won't have to lug loads of baby stuff backwards and forwards.

However...if someone is doing you a favour, it's at their convenience and not yours. I can't believe she's actually coming to collect him!! Even that is above and beyond.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/09/2021 15:48

Perhaps the child's unbendable routine would enable MIL to do a bit of ironing, hang the washing out and vacuum at the OP's house, instead of her own. 🤔

CookieCrunch123 · 07/09/2021 15:50

Yabu. She wants to look after him in her home. Let her do that or book him into the nursery instead.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/09/2021 15:58

I agree with all pps, yabvu. To the point I’m not sure this is real!

Quartz2208 · 07/09/2021 15:58

Yes you are - it is much more comfortable and easier for your MIL to be in her own home environment for this. You are asking the person doing the favour to be even more put out so you arent

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 07/09/2021 16:00

Let her use all her own amenities!! And her had and electric!! And your home stays tidy!

zingally · 07/09/2021 16:02

Prime example of beggars can't be choosers.

If you want to dictate where the care happens, you need to be paying someone.

If it's free "within the family" care, you need to suck it up with a grateful smile and a little bit of ass kissing.

Doomscrolling · 07/09/2021 16:02

Feeling better about your very generous MIL now you’ve had some outside perspective, @Duly20? She isn’t even asking you to drop him off so she can be in bed another half hour.

Pigeonpocket · 07/09/2021 16:07

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I agree with all pps, yabvu. To the point I’m not sure this is real!
It sounds like a reverse to me, the way it's phrased.
ThorsLeftNut · 07/09/2021 16:10

I’m guessing you’re not coming back op but….
How old is he?
Is your MILs house safe?

The only thing that would make me insist on it being in my home is if it wouldn’t be safe (eg my my MIL has aggressive animals and I absolutely do not trust them or her, cousins have been bitten etc)
If she has a safe home though…

Proudboomer · 07/09/2021 16:13

Our MIL is doing you a massive favour not only with the child care but also being willing to come and collect him.

If you want him to be cared for in his home employ a nanny otherwise be thankful for what yourMIL has offered.

Theimpossiblegirl · 07/09/2021 16:17

Agree with everyone else that's posted, you are being unreasonable.
Be grateful for the free childcare and stop being so entitled.

Unless there's a massive drip feed coming about granny living in a crack den or something.

RaininSummer · 07/09/2021 16:19

If she babysits in your home then she can't get any of her chores done during the day. He will get used to it and different environments will be good for his confidence and development so long as her house is safe enough for a little one. If she finds it hard then she can revert to your plan later.

cptartapp · 07/09/2021 16:23

I can't believe you let your MIL start her day at 7am looking after your young child. What time is she getting up? This will be all through the winter too? Week in week out? You really let her do that?! Wow.

Merryoldgoat · 07/09/2021 16:47

Bizarre.

When my aunt and MIL looked after my DS I dropped him off with his food and bag and said ‘have fun’ - what they did otherwise was entirely up to them.

YAB so unbelievably U

lockdownalli · 07/09/2021 16:51

@RampantIvy

If she is providing free childcare I think you will have to suck it up.
Yep!
iklboo · 07/09/2021 17:14

One post & run?

pinkyredrose · 07/09/2021 17:23

You seriously expect her to childmind from 7am for the whole day? How is she getting to yours, are you paying her transport? Why don't you make it easy on her by taking your baby to hers?

Thimphu · 07/09/2021 17:27

YABU.

She has very kindly suggested that she come to your home to collect him rather than you having to get up even earlier, possibly wake him, feed him, dress him and then put him in the car seat and drive to hers for 7 am.

Unless she is suggesting you have him completely ready for her to take at 7 am? Hopefully, they can get ready to go in their own time this way and he will become less unsettled. He'll get used to it.

I can completely understand why she would want to be in her own home if it is all day and not just a couple of hours.

SavoyCabbage · 07/09/2021 17:29

I can't believe you thought it was ok to insist that she provides the free childcare she is offering is at your house. He will get used to not being at home for a start but why should she spend all of her time hanging around your house. Presumably she has her own life.

TwinsandTrifle · 07/09/2021 17:29

OP: AIBU?

Whole thread: Yep

OP: (fecks orf)

notthemum · 07/09/2021 17:53

@idon'tlikealdi
So, was your DM/MIL feeding your little one crack then 🤔 😂😂🤣🤣😂
OP. You really are one of the cheekiest Fuckers I have ever seen on here and I have certainly seen more than a few. You are getting free childcare. Ffs say "Thank you " and be grateful.

AhNowTed · 07/09/2021 18:01

Not a fucking ounce of gratitude.

RazorSharp · 07/09/2021 18:07

I think you need to readjust your thinking!

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