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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL doing what she wants

111 replies

Duly20 · 07/09/2021 14:26

So I have started back at work, me and my husband are trying to sort out childcare for little one. So some days he will go nursery, some days hubby will keep and some days my MIL will keep him.. the issue I am having is that I’m telling my MIL on the days where I am working EARLY AM shifts then she should come over to my house and watch my little one. He has a really good routine going on at home.. he eats well and sleeps well. But she has insisted that she will come at 7 am and take him to her house. I have explained that it’s better to stay at home as he is used to him own environment.. take him out of that then he plays up. When he goes somewhere new he doesn’t sleep or eat and then he is difficult for me in the night. I have told her many times and tried to explain that he is only little so let him just keep his morning routine the same. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too fussy?

OP posts:
moynomore · 07/09/2021 14:40

You are also MASSIVELY lucky that she is coming to you at 7 am to collect him! What a huge favour she is doing her son and you.

user1496146479 · 07/09/2021 14:40

@moynomore

You are also MASSIVELY lucky that she is coming to you at 7 am to collect him! What a huge favour she is doing her son and you.
Was just about to say this!!! So ungrateful OP!!!
Thatsjustwhatithink · 07/09/2021 14:41

Your being super fussy. And rude. She's helping you by providing free child care.

Your child will have to learn to adapt as he gets older to different environments, make it easy for him and start young.

twinningatlife · 07/09/2021 14:41

Maybe your MIL wants to be in her own home - she's saving you a lot of money so I think you'll just have to suck it up

LIZS · 07/09/2021 14:41

Any change in caregiver will vary the routine. You can't expect mil to put her life on hold for your lo. As long as she comes to you and drops him off, and follows your expectations in keep him in safe and well you need to accept it.

GameSetMatch · 07/09/2021 14:41

Sorry YABU why would your mother in law want to spend all day at your house when she has her own? She’s kindly looking after you child and I know it seems like a huge issue but it really isn’t, he will get used to a different routine when at his Nannas home. She’s obviously bought her son up well as you married him so she’ll be fine and so will your baby.

Cocomarine · 07/09/2021 14:42

And yet, you’re not asking the nursery to send their staff to yours 🤣

This is right up there in my Top 10 of MN totally unreasonable AIBUs!

GailTheSnail · 07/09/2021 14:43

I wanted same as you when I went back to work but both my kids grandmas (who did childcare on alternate fridays), preferred to take her back to theirs The fact that she napped on way back home late in day played havoc with that nights sleep but they were doing us a favour and my daughter loved her grandma days so I had to accept it was part of the deal. I think you've got to relinquish control on this one, although can sympathise as found this an odd transition after mat leave myself

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/09/2021 14:43

Wow. You are getting FREE childcare at really early hours of the morning and you're complaining?

Pay for a nanny in that case.

Also, get him used to change. How will he cope with nursery/school if set into a concrete regime?

CallMeMabel · 07/09/2021 14:44

Another one who thinks you're completely wrong here.

Balonzette · 07/09/2021 14:45

YABU and fussy and a bit ridiculous. Ans also pretty demanding to expect someone who is doing you a favour with childcare to go and sit, bored to death, in someone else's home all day when it's perfectly easy to take care of a baby in her home.

PercyPiginaWig · 07/09/2021 14:45

Wow OP, I'm cringing for you.
Get a tin of Brasso for that neck of yours!

Disfordarkchocolate · 07/09/2021 14:48

If you were my DIL I'd happily do this, I'd prefer to have him at my own home though. Has your husband spoke to her?

SarahMused · 07/09/2021 14:49

I look after my grandchild 3 days a week for free and I much prefer to have him here at my own house. It means I can get on with stuff with he sleeps for one thing. Babies have to get used to different environments and if you trust her to look after your baby, decisions such as where she does it should be up to her.

ThorsLeftNut · 07/09/2021 14:51

You just don’t want her to have your child do you? So you’re trying to control every aspect of it if she does have to.

Been there OP. I’m a nightmare, but pick your battles. If she’s gonna be the childcare then there has to be some give and take.

idontlikealdi · 07/09/2021 14:51

Yep free childcare - it's on their terms unless she's feeding him crack or something.

Also the reason mine went into paid childcare after a few months.

notsohippychick · 07/09/2021 14:51

Wow lord OP. She comes and picks him up at 7.00am to takes him to hers? How hideous of her. How thoughtless.

You don’t even have to drop him anywhere!!

You are getting free childcare from someone who comes and COLLECTS him. How precious and entitled you are

Cheeseandlobster · 07/09/2021 14:51

You are being rude and entitled. How dare you be so rude about someone who is doing you a huge favour. If you don't like it pay for a nanny

tickledtiger · 07/09/2021 14:52

It doesn’t make sense if you’re sending him to nursery. I can understand wanting him to be in his own home as much as possible but I really wouldn’t expect my MIL or mother to spend the day at my house without their home comforts if they were looking after my child.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2021 14:53

If I were your MIL, I tell you to jog on. It's also outrageous that you're having her come to yours in the morning. Take your child to hers, FFS.

PlainOldMe80 · 07/09/2021 14:55

I'd appreciate the help and wouldn't dare ask for more. She's doing you a huge favour!

Vallmo47 · 07/09/2021 14:57

100% agree with everyone else. YABVU.

Annasgirl · 07/09/2021 15:01

I think it’s unanimous OP - a first for a MN MIL thread 😂 YABVVU

But I don’t think you will return to say Oh, OK.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/09/2021 15:02

Just chipping in with - YABVU. Free childcare, MIL does it at her own home if that's her choice.

My parents minded several of their grandkids several days a week for years - ALL at their own home. All the children turned out very well!

saraclara · 07/09/2021 15:04

Are you for real?

I'm a GM who does occasional childcare. And I do it in my own home. What on earth would I do all day in my DD's home? Here I play with my GD who loves all her special things here and heads straight for them and for the little routines that she has in my house. Meanwhile, I can do bits of my housework, put my washing on, take her with me to Tesco, maybe even have a friend round for coffee.

I would feel absolutely lost and bored in my DD's home.

I'm not a nanny. And to be quite honest, no way would I be wanting to get up for a 7am start. And my DD would never ask me to. Your MIL is a star for doing that. You should be appreciating her, not moaning about her.