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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL doing what she wants

111 replies

Duly20 · 07/09/2021 14:26

So I have started back at work, me and my husband are trying to sort out childcare for little one. So some days he will go nursery, some days hubby will keep and some days my MIL will keep him.. the issue I am having is that I’m telling my MIL on the days where I am working EARLY AM shifts then she should come over to my house and watch my little one. He has a really good routine going on at home.. he eats well and sleeps well. But she has insisted that she will come at 7 am and take him to her house. I have explained that it’s better to stay at home as he is used to him own environment.. take him out of that then he plays up. When he goes somewhere new he doesn’t sleep or eat and then he is difficult for me in the night. I have told her many times and tried to explain that he is only little so let him just keep his morning routine the same. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too fussy?

OP posts:
Wannabegreenfingers · 07/09/2021 15:05

Suck it up or pay for it.

DidgeDoolittle · 07/09/2021 15:06

Another one who thinks you're being very unreasonable and entitled.
I brought up 3 sons and worked full time so I know how hard it is. However, if any of my family had offered to pick my child up at 7 am, I would have wept with gratitude.

I am about to become a grandma and will help out as much as I can. However, I wouldn't want to spend one day a week at someone else's house.

Brefugee · 07/09/2021 15:07

Ah PFB +MIL.
Suck it up, OP or pay for childcare

Snoozer11 · 07/09/2021 15:08

You are totally unreasonable.

Heronwatcher · 07/09/2021 15:08

Good grief!! You do realise that human slavery is illegal. 7am! I won’t even look after my own kids at that hour let alone anyone else’s. If she’s being good enough to offer free childcare then you bend over backwards to make things easy for her not yourself. If you can’t do that then you need to pay for a nanny but even then I think you need to give your head a wobble about your expectations here.

Franklyfrost · 07/09/2021 15:11

How much are you paying her?

Heronwatcher · 07/09/2021 15:13

And it’s really odd that you didn’t sort childcare before you started back at work- everyone I know had their kids on waiting lists for nurseries etc well in advance. Did your MIL ever actually agree to turn up at yours at 7am and spend the day there?

diddl · 07/09/2021 15:13

What time does your husband leave?

Does she really need to be there at 7am?

Why do you think she should stay at yours & how long would that be for?

Goldbar · 07/09/2021 15:13

Wow, she's coming at 7am to collect him and you're complaining? My childminder was only 8-6 and I had to sprint to the station to make it to work on time some days.

Lorw · 07/09/2021 15:14

YABU OP Hmm

regthetabbycat · 07/09/2021 15:15

Don't like the way she wants to do it? Well, pay someone then.

CF

PugMumm · 07/09/2021 15:16

Totally agree with @Samanabanana on this one.

She is providing free child care and if she is saying something is easier for her I think you will need to oblige with.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 07/09/2021 15:17

Make her life harder so yours can be easier, you mean?
Little one will adjust to your MILs routine and she'll no doubt be happier in her own house.
Suck it up.

Bollindger · 07/09/2021 15:18

Did you ever babysit?
Do you remember how boring it is to just sit and watch TV all the time.
Your getting help, some mums on here complain they get no help.

Sunshineandflipflops · 07/09/2021 15:18

My mum used to look after my two when they were little and I would always drop them at hers on my way to work, as I would the days they went to nursery. They were perfectly fine they had toys there,a cot and a pram...what more do babies/toddlers need?

If your little one doesn't do well in other places then I would say all the more reason for them to go to their Grandma's house! They need to learn to adapt to other places and other people.

BroccoliFloret · 07/09/2021 15:18

@Samanabanana

I think if MIL is providing free childcare then you can't really demand where she provides it as long as DC is safe. You'll need to pay for childcare if you want to dictate exactly how DC is looked after
Exactly this.

You want to dictate what happens, you pay someone. MIL is entirely within her rights to put conditions on supplying you with free childcare.

WhatsTheBFD · 07/09/2021 15:19

YABU, do you keep your child at home 24/7?!

PinkKecks · 07/09/2021 15:22

Talk to her about routine, but it isn't unreasonable that she wants to be in her own home. Not only is she looking after him, but she comes to collect him too, saving you a commute on top of the childcare costs. She sounds like a Godsend!

Thanksihateit · 07/09/2021 15:24

We’ve just got done with 6 years of nursery fees, both full and part time. Surely he’ll get used to MIL’s house? I think it’s a lot to ask her to roll up at yours early and stay all day. She might want to have breakfast at hers, finish getting ready etc - I’m sure she can easily occupy your DS in that time

ponyexpress22 · 07/09/2021 15:25

When I used to mind my grandchildren I used to do it in my dds home. Purely for the benefit of the kids. However I felt trapped. There was so much I wanted to be doing in my own home....

. I think my Dd had the impression that I should be glad to spend time with my grandkids. But looking back it wasn't the way I'd have chosen. It's not just about the kids.

girlmom21 · 07/09/2021 15:29

She's literally not inconveniencing you in the slightest. She's helping more than the nursery can. If you want to dictate the terms of your childcare, pay for it. I guarantee whoever you pay won't be there at 7am though!

WindowsSmindows · 07/09/2021 15:32

Unanimous

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 07/09/2021 15:37

What everyone else said. She's providing free childcare, she's even going at 7am to pick him up. He's also going to nursery so going out of the house can't be that much of a problem and if it is then it would actually be a good idea to get him in the routine of leaving the house

3luckystars · 07/09/2021 15:40

Wait for it..
‘But I am paying for it, you are all wrong. MIL is always doing meanie things’

Hobnobswantshernameback · 07/09/2021 15:44

Think the Op has sprinted off into the sunset Grin

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