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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL doing what she wants

111 replies

Duly20 · 07/09/2021 14:26

So I have started back at work, me and my husband are trying to sort out childcare for little one. So some days he will go nursery, some days hubby will keep and some days my MIL will keep him.. the issue I am having is that I’m telling my MIL on the days where I am working EARLY AM shifts then she should come over to my house and watch my little one. He has a really good routine going on at home.. he eats well and sleeps well. But she has insisted that she will come at 7 am and take him to her house. I have explained that it’s better to stay at home as he is used to him own environment.. take him out of that then he plays up. When he goes somewhere new he doesn’t sleep or eat and then he is difficult for me in the night. I have told her many times and tried to explain that he is only little so let him just keep his morning routine the same. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too fussy?

OP posts:
peoniesandpastels · 07/09/2021 18:07

I think that when someone is doing you as substantial a favour as providing free childcare, you have to be willing to fit in around their needs. I think your MIL is being incredibly generous by offering to watch your child, and is doing you an additional favour by agreeing to come to your house at such an early hour to save you dropping your child off at her house.

At her house she may be able to get chores done during naps, take in deliveries and other tasks being at your house wouldn't allow for. If you want someone to come to your house and work on your schedule, you may need to look into paying for a nanny.

trevthecat · 07/09/2021 18:13

Yabu, you know yabu! What happens on nursery days? Do nursery come to you to keep him in routine and in familiar surroundings?!

AhNowTed · 07/09/2021 18:25

@Undisclosedlocation

You are being incredibly unreasonable. If I were in your MIL shoes, I’d be reassessing whether or not I was prepared to uproot my life to help you with an attitude like yours tbh

I'd go further. Any sign of this absolute entitlement and that would be the end of it.

Un-fucking-believable.

IamnotSethRogan · 07/09/2021 18:30

Yabu yabu yabu yabu yabu yabu yabu yabu yabu yabu

72WayTooCool · 07/09/2021 18:57

YABU. I was a bit PFB many moons ago, but I soon realised that it really was in my best interests to let DD go to MIL and not have to pay for childcare. I'm afraid that you have to suck it up if you don't want to pay and I really can't see any difference between going to MIL or going to nursery. Both are not in your home.

ManifestDestinee · 07/09/2021 19:17

You literally could not be more unreasonable.

cakewench · 07/09/2021 19:51

So she's currently up at 6 (I'm guessing) so that she can be at yours for 7am, more than once a week on a regular basis.

Not only are you BU, but you should be dropping your child at hers rather than make her do this.

And you should be much more appreciative from the sound of it. (No, I'm not a GP)

Erictheavocado · 08/09/2021 07:35

@Duly20

The first problem is that you are TELLING your MIL what you to do to make YOUR life easier, bit do not seem to be considering what will make HER life easier whilst still doing an enormous favour for you and your dh . How far away does she live? In order to be at yours by 7 am, she will probably need to leave home at least 15 minutes earlier. Then factor in the time it will take her to get ready to leave home. It is not easy for an older person to be thrust back to the baby days and if being in her own home makes her feel happier, I think that is reasonable. I do speak with some experience. Our dgc is cared for by us (mainly dh), the other gps and DC and DC'S partner depending on work patterns. When dgc was very little, dh used to stay at their house for the day - but we live in the same road and did not have all the stuff here for a young baby. Now dgc is older, i'd say it's about 50/50 - sometimes here, sometimes at theirs. On days when dgc is cared for by the other gps, dgc is ALWAYS taken to their home by either DC or partner and collected by them as well. This involves a 10 mile round trip. DC and partner have NEVER thought this was anything other than reasonable. As they say, the time and petrol are worth it when they consider what paid childcare would cost.
I would have more sympathy with you if your child was not going to nursery. Unless of course the nursery are sending someone to sit at your house all day to care for your child 1:1?
Seriously, OP, you red to be more considerate of your MIL and accept that as the parents, it is you and dh who need to either accept her wishes or pay for more nursery time.

Blossomtoes · 08/09/2021 08:32

No sign of OP recently? How very odd.

Sceptre86 · 08/09/2021 09:21

I get where you are coming from and agree that your lo would probably be best off in his own environment however when you are getting free childcare you really can't dictate things in the same way ypu can if childcare is paid for. It suits your mil better to be in her own environment, I wouldn't let this be the hill you die on. Accept if you need her help then you can't micromanage her or arrange paid childcare. As it stands I would say yabu.

seaandsandcastles · 08/09/2021 09:48

YABU. If you want free childcare it’s on her terms.

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