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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This has put me off, would it you?

287 replies

Uribentmyspoon · 06/09/2021 21:18

Met a new guy, really nice, getting on well.
Today we took our dogs for a walk and he grabbed a large stick off the ground, showed it me and said ‘It’s an olive branch’ I jokingly (isn’t funny, bit cheesy) said ‘Oh are you offering me an olive branch?’ 🙄 He was really confused and I explained that it was just a crap joke, like offering someone an olive branch, y’know, the saying…he had no idea what I was talking about and hadn’t heard that saying. Is it weird that I’m really surprised by that? He’s also never heard of Wuthering heights, and, silly one here, The Superman party song, played at practically every children’s party in our 80’s childhood.
We’re both the same age, 43, so he’s not done young guy. Would you be put off by these things (not the Superman one) but the others? It felt weird explaining the saying to him and explaining Wuthering heights 😳 or am I just a bitch?

OP posts:
SeriouslyISuppose · 06/09/2021 23:54

God, it would entirely put me off.

drpet49 · 06/09/2021 23:54

I e never heard of the superman party song either

Justforphoto · 06/09/2021 23:57

How can people not know the superman song, even my 9 year old knows that song as it's still played at parties these days or is that because I live in a back water that's not a million miles away from Haworth?

DustyMaiden · 06/09/2021 23:59

My DS’s friends are always ribbing him about what he hasn’t heard of. He has an amazing IQ and knows more than any of them academically but some things are just not on his radar. Aspergers?

Clarissa111 · 07/09/2021 00:00

I've been with my pattern for nearly 23 yrs. I'm a massive reader, he isn't. I'll mention things he's never heard of. It's not an issue. I'll explain. I've never thought I'm better than him, because he knows things I don't. We show an interest in each other's interests.

Eastie77Returns · 07/09/2021 00:05

The only song called Superman I know is by Five for Fighting.

I would not date a British born man in his 40s who hadn’t heard of Wuthering Heights and was unfamiliar with common idiomatic phrases. Could he have spent some time in an institution of some kind when he was younger? Either that or I would assume he had a very low level of education.

I once cut short a first date with a man who had not heard of George Orwell and proudly boasted he had not read a single book since he was at school (20 years previously).

Original poster
Uribentmyspoon · 07/09/2021 00:06

@Clarissa111 I don’t think I’m better than him, as I said, there seems to be lots he knows which I don’t..some aspects of History, science..just things I never paid attention to in school, for example, which is likely the same for him.
I think it just stops the flow, the bonding a bit, when you have to explain things 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Uribentmyspoon · 07/09/2021 00:07

@Eastie77Returns 🙈I don’t think he was in an institution

OP posts:
Original poster
Uribentmyspoon · 07/09/2021 00:08

@DoncasterHombre Sounds like you need to brush up on your branch knowledge 😅

OP posts:
Soupsseason · 07/09/2021 00:21

It's a tough one. The deciding factor for me would be does he know all the actions to Agadoo?. That will tell you all you need to know.

DoncasterHombre · 07/09/2021 00:23

[quote Uribentmyspoon]@DoncasterHombre Sounds like you need to brush up on your branch knowledge 😅[/quote]
I do not! I get the whole olive branch thing - it being a biblical tale of a dove returning to an ark with an olive branch in its beak, sign of peace, etc.

I was only saying he might not have the same references to his youth as you. You've since said you're not in the UK and - if he isn't from the UK (an assumption, on my part) then why would he know about the "Superman" song or Wuthering Heights/Kate Bush? Cut him a bit of slack/ask him! He might genuinely not have a clue what you're on about or he might be a bit daft . . . . it doesn't mean you should bin him off immediately!

Cattenberg · 07/09/2021 00:28

I don’t remember the Superman party song, unless it was the one about stuffing a deckchair up your nose.

I had an ex who knew nothing about birds. It was a bit weird. He didn’t know that male mallard ducks have different colouring from the females. He didn’t know that female blackbirds are brown. I don’t think he even knew a blackbird from a crow.

On the other hand, he found it hilarious when I mispronounced the name of the teddy bear in Brideshead Revisited (Aloysius). He also corrected my mispronunciations of “vicarious” and “ducat”. It can be helpful if you don’t share the same gaps in your knowledge, I suppose. Especially for pub quizzes.

Clarissa111 · 07/09/2021 00:34

Sorry I didn't mean to come across that way.

WFHWF · 07/09/2021 00:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AICM · 07/09/2021 01:08

[quote Uribentmyspoon]**@AICM* It wasn’t Just the superman song, that was the least of it tbh[/quote]
But it was part of it.

OldGreyBoots · 07/09/2021 01:56

I got irrationally annoyed when my ex revealed he'd never heard of Wordsworth, and laughed hysterically at the concept of that name belonging to a writer Hmm

Just one of many things that showed we were incompatible!

MagneticWall42915 · 07/09/2021 02:37

Olive branch - yes
Superman song - yes
Wuthering Heights - yes

However, I like meeting other people, because they have different interests & perspectives
Life would be extremely boring, if we all had the same background & hobbies, interests & humour

jozipozi31 · 07/09/2021 04:06

I think it's a bit mean. You are Brits in some Med country walking, and he's still excited to find a huge olive branch in the ground. Maybe he was thinking it's cool, take it home and make something with it. I don't know. But he thought it was cool and just said. Tbh I think your comment about are you offering me (an offer of reconciliation) was a bit odd - had you fallen out? I can see why he didn't get it.

Not knowing about offering an olive branch and 'Wuthering Heights' is to do with education. So if it bothers you that he isn't as well-educated as you, or as widely informed, then no, it's not a good match.

I don't think he 'should' know these things. I don't think he's rubbish because he doesn't. But I do think it

jozipozi31 · 07/09/2021 04:08

Sent to early

But I do think it irritates you.

I think your question is - am I being a snob to find his ignorance off-putting?

Maybe. But whether you are or not, it's how you feel. You don't like this in him. And there may be more things.

Cascascascas · 07/09/2021 04:14

@Uribentmyspoon

Yes would totally put me off

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 07/09/2021 04:36

If you'd mentioned the superman song to me I would have thought you were talking about the Laurie Anderson song. shows age.

Kanaloa · 07/09/2021 04:58

I wouldn’t think it was odd if someone had never read Wuthering Heights, but it is unusual to never have even heard of it. I would wonder if he had genuinely never heard of the novel or if he was one of those people who acts a bit ‘daft.’ There are people who do that, they love playing ditzy. I used to work with one, every time you mentioned something he would say stuff like ‘what? The Beatles? What’s that haha like beetles that crawl on the ground hahahah.’ Eventually I would just say yes that’s what it is and ignore him for the rest of the conversation, instead of playing into ‘you haven’t heard of the Beatles omg you must have heard of them.’ For him it was just a way to get attention.

garlictwist · 07/09/2021 04:58

I'm a bookworm. I get lots of cultural references and know a lot of words. My other half has never read a book in his life and once in a pub quiz told me that Dick Whittington wrote Great Expectations.

But he is loving, funny, practical and has so many talents and skills. It really doesn't matter to me at all. We are all different.

SeriouslyISuppose · 07/09/2021 09:02

Why would be snobbish to find someone’s ignorance a turn-off?

lottiegarbanzo · 07/09/2021 09:41

I’d be envious of someone who’d never heard any Black Lace songs, I think. I wish I’d never heard them.

You make an excellent point.