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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This has put me off, would it you?

287 replies

Uribentmyspoon · 06/09/2021 21:18

Met a new guy, really nice, getting on well.
Today we took our dogs for a walk and he grabbed a large stick off the ground, showed it me and said ‘It’s an olive branch’ I jokingly (isn’t funny, bit cheesy) said ‘Oh are you offering me an olive branch?’ 🙄 He was really confused and I explained that it was just a crap joke, like offering someone an olive branch, y’know, the saying…he had no idea what I was talking about and hadn’t heard that saying. Is it weird that I’m really surprised by that? He’s also never heard of Wuthering heights, and, silly one here, The Superman party song, played at practically every children’s party in our 80’s childhood.
We’re both the same age, 43, so he’s not done young guy. Would you be put off by these things (not the Superman one) but the others? It felt weird explaining the saying to him and explaining Wuthering heights 😳 or am I just a bitch?

OP posts:
PrincessNutella · 07/09/2021 13:36

I agree with you. When you are getting to know someone, you are looking for signs of compatibility. That includes understanding of shared references, a shared sense of humor, someone who gets what you get. A person isn't a bad person if they don't get what you get, but it may be a lonely experience for you to spend a lot of time with them. That person might be a better partner for someone else.

Original poster
Uribentmyspoon · 07/09/2021 13:42

@PrincessNutella Yes, that’s exactly it, I’m not being mean, it does feel a bit lacking somehow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Uribentmyspoon · 07/09/2021 13:42

@DoncasterHombre He’s a Brit! Same area I grew up in

OP posts:
Harlequin1088 · 07/09/2021 13:52

I once went on a date with a guy and after watching the film Inglorious Bastards together, he decided he didn't want to see me again. I wasn't mad, just interested to know why. His response?

"We were watching the film and there was a few scenes where they spoke French and you didn't need the subtitles to understand what was going on. I found that really intimidating".

I mean I'm not fluent, I did French at school that's it but he took it as a real slight to his masculinity that I might be more intelligent than him. I'm not. If it had been Spanish, I'd have had no hope and maybe he'd have asked me for a second date 😂

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 13:55

@Harlequin1088 what an idiot! How did he know you didn’t need the subtitles? Did he ask you mid way through the film?

Harlequin1088 · 07/09/2021 13:59

@takehomepay During the French scenes he said "They're talking so fast! Do you need me to pause it so we can read the subtitles" and that's when I admitted that I didn't need them and had the gist of what was going on. Clearly I should've just said "Yes, I need it paused so I can read them subtitles slowly with you".

Evidently this is why blokes keep dumping me 😂

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 14:04

Oh I see! He should have said ‘do you mind if I pause it did I can read the subtitles?’ What a twat to assume you needed it paused!

LoislovesStewie · 07/09/2021 14:44

I've been married donkeys years. Until last year my DH had never read any of the Brontes' works, but he has read Chaucer and James Joyce. I had read all the Brontes' books and lots of the classics in primary school. He also has a degree in English literature (and an ASD!). I didn't do Eng Lit at uni because I didn't want to dissect literature.
We don't like exactly the same music, or hobbies or have the same interests so on paper it looks as though we shouldn't be together.
I know other couples who are mirror images of one another; I almost expect to find them wearing matching sweaters!
I think a lot of this just comes down to this; do you want to agree on everything or do you think that you could each bring something different to the relationship and widen each others horizons?

Fluffyandsilly · 07/09/2021 14:56

@Evilcountspatula I still smile remembering him looking puzzled and uttering the words "What's a mezzanine?!"
He was a lovely bloke, but he was a bit like Tim nice but dim from the 80's Harry Enfield sketches Grin
He'd previously asked some other similar questions, but that's the one which sticks in my mind.
And I suppose at least he asked, so wasn't trying to be anything he wasn't. He had a really good job in the creative field so wasn't stupid. Just had terrible general knowledge.

Polkadots2021 · 07/09/2021 15:24

If the chemistry was good enough if wouldn't have bothered you what he was saying about the stick, let's face it Grin Maybe he's just not a good match, but a lovely bloke in general.

JSL52 · 07/09/2021 15:44

Can't understand why he said 'it's an olive branch' if he's never heard the saying.
The Wuthering Heights thing would definitely put me off.

JSL52 · 07/09/2021 15:45

@Susannahmoody

It wouldn't put me off, no.

Tbh if someone mentioned Wuthering Heights on a first date I'd think they were a bit pretentious and trying to prove themselves.

They might have been chatting about favourite books etc.
GrandmaSteglitszch · 07/09/2021 16:14

Confused what is a mezzanine?

Fluffyandsilly · 07/09/2021 16:40

@GrandmaSteglitszch

Confused what is a mezzanine?
Grin A mezzanine is a level or floor in a building which is a kind of intermediate level between main floors. I was referring to the mezzanine level at my workplace, which is a balcony level in the huge double height atrium.

I think when I said I was "going to sit on the mezzanine" at work he might have been wondering if it was a sex toy, or perhaps a mythical creature like a unicorn.

PinkKecks · 07/09/2021 16:48

I was 39 when I first heard the expression "hoisted by your own petard". It makes no difference to my intellectual ability, just I hadn't heard it before. Different sayings are more common in some areas than others. Bit weird that he's never heard of wuthering heights, but perhaps he had a different syllabus at school. If he is funny, kind and interesting in other areas, it wouldn't put me off. If he has no idea who the PM was or about what is going on in the world, I don't think I could overlook that.

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 16:50

I think it’s ‘hoist’ not ‘hoisted’

SeriouslyISuppose · 07/09/2021 16:54

@PinkKecks

I was 39 when I first heard the expression "hoisted by your own petard". It makes no difference to my intellectual ability, just I hadn't heard it before. Different sayings are more common in some areas than others. Bit weird that he's never heard of wuthering heights, but perhaps he had a different syllabus at school. If he is funny, kind and interesting in other areas, it wouldn't put me off. If he has no idea who the PM was or about what is going on in the world, I don't think I could overlook that.
‘Hoist by your own petard’ isn’t a regional expression, though.
Fluffyandsilly · 07/09/2021 16:55

@PinkKecks

I was 39 when I first heard the expression "hoisted by your own petard". It makes no difference to my intellectual ability, just I hadn't heard it before. Different sayings are more common in some areas than others. Bit weird that he's never heard of wuthering heights, but perhaps he had a different syllabus at school. If he is funny, kind and interesting in other areas, it wouldn't put me off. If he has no idea who the PM was or about what is going on in the world, I don't think I could overlook that.
I've never heard this expression either.
Macaroni46 · 07/09/2021 17:09

I'm with you OP. I dated a guy for a few months. He used the expressions 'fella' and 'The Mrs' to describe people's partners. At first I told myself I was being a snob and it didn't matter. But the longer we dated, the more it grated it on me. I felt it reflected a lack of finesse and was derogatory towards women as in 'THE Mrs' like an object.

2bazookas · 07/09/2021 17:10

Nobody would say "here's an olive branch" unless they knew what it means. So he's winding you up, following up the first joke with a second tease.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 07/09/2021 17:18

I am aghast that someone thinks the mention of Wuthering Heights is pretentious.

Getawaywithit · 07/09/2021 17:20

If he's not heard of Wuthering Heights, he's not into literature. A lot of people will only know it because they did it at some point in school. Sure, you might expect him to know the Kate Bush song but if you weren't someone into chart music at that time, why would you know it? He might recognise it if heard but not necessarily be aware of what it was called and/or have listened to the lyrics.

Superman song is pretty much the same - if he didn't go to school discos, probably never heard it.

What you should be asking yourself is whether or not something who didn't know Wuthering Heights as a work of literature and never picked up on Superman (indicating, possibly, he was introverted whilst in school) is a deal breaker at this point? Sounds to me like you're looking for reasons not to continue.

2bazookas · 07/09/2021 17:46

@JSL52

Can't understand why he said 'it's an olive branch' if he's never heard the saying. The Wuthering Heights thing would definitely put me off.
They are both jokes. DH is a devil for that kind of absolutely deadpan wind-up.
Anniegetyourgun · 07/09/2021 18:12

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, XSIL and I were round at FIL's watching telly with our then fiancés. Something triggered a memory and we sang in chorus "Why must I be a pilchard in love?" and collapsed in giggles. The guys looked at us in complete bemusement.

We should have heeded that awful warning.

Bobsyer · 07/09/2021 18:17

Having given men a chance that seemed thick as two short planks before, I think I’d let this one go. Ok a person might not be ‘thick’ but I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man where we share nothing in common and where he (seemingly) has no interest or experience of general knowledge.