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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This has put me off, would it you?

287 replies

Uribentmyspoon · 06/09/2021 21:18

Met a new guy, really nice, getting on well.
Today we took our dogs for a walk and he grabbed a large stick off the ground, showed it me and said ‘It’s an olive branch’ I jokingly (isn’t funny, bit cheesy) said ‘Oh are you offering me an olive branch?’ 🙄 He was really confused and I explained that it was just a crap joke, like offering someone an olive branch, y’know, the saying…he had no idea what I was talking about and hadn’t heard that saying. Is it weird that I’m really surprised by that? He’s also never heard of Wuthering heights, and, silly one here, The Superman party song, played at practically every children’s party in our 80’s childhood.
We’re both the same age, 43, so he’s not done young guy. Would you be put off by these things (not the Superman one) but the others? It felt weird explaining the saying to him and explaining Wuthering heights 😳 or am I just a bitch?

OP posts:
Original poster
Uribentmyspoon · 06/09/2021 21:20

*Some young guy

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 06/09/2021 21:21

Yabu. There will be plenty he’s heard of and you haven’t.

Or do you think you’re not intellectually matched?

LividLaVidaLoca · 06/09/2021 21:21

You’re not culturally compatible.

This is important in relationships and one of the things to look out for in first dates. Move on.

Marlena1 · 06/09/2021 21:22

Meh, I don't think it would overly bother me but who knows, after a while maybe. I went on a date once and the guy was like "Ive never had pasta before". Not for me as I'm a foodie but that might not bother someone else.
It's only a problem if it would annoy you.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 06/09/2021 21:23

Never having heard of Wuthering Heights is unusual. I can understand not having read it, but surely he's heard the Kate Bush song if nothing else?

Not sure if it would put me off, but it might. I like to be able to have conversations about culture with a partner (books, films, music, plays) and this guy doesn't seem like he'd be able to do that.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 06/09/2021 21:24

It wouldnt put me off but im a bit confused as to why he would pick up a stick and say 'its an olive branch' without meaning to refer to the 'offer an olive branch' saying. If not that then what the hell was he referring to? Was it an actual olive branch?! Confused.

WimpoleHat · 06/09/2021 21:24

I agree with @LividLaVidaLoca. No rights or wrongs about it, but you don’t sound like a great match for each other. It’s hard to have a fun, sparky relationship if you don’t have the same terms of reference.

DrManhattan · 06/09/2021 21:24

Might not be a good match....

Susannahmoody · 06/09/2021 21:25

It wouldn't put me off, no.

Tbh if someone mentioned Wuthering Heights on a first date I'd think they were a bit pretentious and trying to prove themselves.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 06/09/2021 21:25

The superman song..... tbf he may have just forgotten it. Or maybe his parents didn't let him go to parties. Maybe he grew up in a strict religious culture? I wouldn't be bothered by that in the slightest because it's not something he would have been able to learn as an adult (whereas the existence of Wuthering Heights would be).

Never assume that everyone had the same childhood as you just because they're the same age.

PalmarisLongus · 06/09/2021 21:25

An ex of mine didn't know what an abattoir is and had never heard of the Japanese drink Sake and called it Sake (like in FFS) also didn't know the word loquacious.

It's just kinda cute little weird things that make everyone a bit different.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 06/09/2021 21:26

It would probably put me off too OP if someone hadn't even heard of Wuthering Heights. I haven't read it but I have heard of it, plus it's a Kate Bush classic!

My DH has an old colleague we call Box Boy because there are so many mainstream things he hasn't heard of. The Beatles, just for one example. (It's as though he's been brought up in a box.)

You need to be roughly matched culturally and intellectually, I think.

Asterales · 06/09/2021 21:26

It would put me off, yes. I agree with pp that you're just not culturally compatible. I once stopped dating someone when it became apparent that he didn't eat fruit or vegetables. At all. I just couldn't deal with that.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 06/09/2021 21:26

"It's an olive branch" is an odd thing to say if you haven't heard of the phrase. Unless you live somewhere around the Med. I think he was pulling your leg about not knowing but that in itself would be a deal breaker for me.

lannistunut · 06/09/2021 21:26

What matters is whether you like him or not, feel relaxed, have a good time.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 06/09/2021 21:26

@WimpoleHat

I agree with *@LividLaVidaLoca*. No rights or wrongs about it, but you don’t sound like a great match for each other. It’s hard to have a fun, sparky relationship if you don’t have the same terms of reference.
You don't typically find olive branches lying around in the UK tbh.
Fluffyandsilly · 06/09/2021 21:26

I agree with other posters. You might not be a great match.
I once got the ick when the guy I was dating didn’t know what a mezzanine was Grin

Susannahmoody · 06/09/2021 21:26

Do you live in Howarth?

Mulletsaremisunderstood · 06/09/2021 21:27

The olive branch thing might have been him just being nervous and trying to make you laugh.

The things you have listed sound quite trivial to be honest, not having all the same cultural references is not a bad thing. I had an 80's childhood and have no idea what song you are talking about.

However, maybe you just aren't suited and didn't feel any spark of chemistry, which is why these things are bugging you. If you get on well otherwise I wouldn't worry about it too much, but if things are awkward generally when you're together it might be a sign that you're just not that into him.

Susannahmoody · 06/09/2021 21:27

My DH has an old colleague we call Box Boy because there are so many mainstream things he hasn't heard of. The Beatles, just for one example. (It's as though he's been brought up in a box.)

^^

MIL, aged 75 has never heard of the band Queen. Very bizarre, but true!

Tlollj · 06/09/2021 21:29

What did he think it meant then? When he picked up the stick and said ‘it’s an olive branch?’

Janaih · 06/09/2021 21:31

Dh is 12 years younger than me so we don't share many cultural references. It's really not a problem. I might have been bemused the first time he struggled to name a beatles song but honestly its not important if you're on the same page in other ways x

Bluntness100 · 06/09/2021 21:32

Assuming from the Uk, I’d be bemused by someone never having heard of wuthering heights. It’s like saying “news? you mean there’s a program that tells us about what’s happening in the world, wow”

I’d suspect from that and his olive branch confusion he either had a poor education and a lack of interest in reading or potentially low intelligence levels as most people make up for a lack of education by an interest in things as an adult. Is he literate?

BakedTattie · 06/09/2021 21:32

Missing the point - but where do you live to randomly find an olive branch?

KineticSand · 06/09/2021 21:32

I know exactly how you're feeling. I once had a relationship with a guy (who later gained a 2.1 degree from Bristol uni) who just had no general knowledge, it was bizarre. Once i was measuring up for new curtains and I was at the top of a ladder holding a tape measure to the top of the window and asked him to tell me how many centimetres it was down to the window sill. He was completely bamboozled because he had never heard of "window sill". He genuinely had no idea what I meant.