To ask what really posh folk are like?

[hahahayoumustbejoking]

Someone on MN recently said that posh people were very friendly and polite but actually wouldn't tend to get close to people outside their close circle and were quite guarded.

Just wondering if anyone has any other insights or stories of the posh, good or bad.

@AnOlogy

Judging from this thread, and the fact I am pretty sure I recognise the partner of a family member from other threads, I suspect that actual posh people just get on with life oblivious to their poshness or at least not bothered by it. People who purport to be posh or to have married posh are trying too hard and likely have quite vivid imaginations.

We are distinctly not posh, this family member grew up in a normal 3 bed, went to a comp, parents both worked in average middle class jobs having been brought up working class, and are by no means posh - despite insinuations and affectation. From descriptions you'd think they had married landed gentry who own an estate property and acres of land.
The constant "so posh" does amuse us though! Obsession with class does funny things to people doesn't it!

It's all relative, isn't it? I remember a schoolfriend's dad going on about how posh I was when he dropped me home after a sleepover at her house. They lived on quite a rough council estate and at that time we lived in a small 3-bed dormer bungalow on a relatively nice, quiet street in an average northern town...not remotely 'posh' but in his eyes we genuinely were, because we weren't on benefits and my parents owned the house and it had a front lawn...to him that was fancy.

I find it fascinating how actual posh people always seem to recognise each other. I went to a university with a lot of landed gentry types and they just always seemed to know at a glance whether you were one of them or not. They generally just hung around with each other in a clique. Not entirely unpleasant people but as others have mentioned, sort of in their own world and totally ignorant of how the average person lives.

@hahahayoumustbejoking well my home country is an ex british colony but is now a republic, we definitely have 'old money'. In a way, I don't think its really different from the USA which doesn't have an official aristocracy but does have 'old money'. But of course cos it is an Asian Tiger nation, most of the wealthy are not 'old money' but its pretty obvious who is 'old money' and who isn't! Kevin Kwan who wrote Crazy Rich Asians is from an 'old money' family (grandfather was knighted by the Queen, great grandfather founded a bank) , as well as the Khoo family of Singapore (wealth 6.5 billion, patriarch got bestowed honours by the government of malaysia).

I think most countries have an 'upper class'. Its a bit harder for ex communist countries like Russia and China as many of their wealthy are truly nouveau riche.

Posh people tend to have shabby clothes and possessions. They buy good and keep it until the rag pickers wouldn’t have it. I’m not posh, though I went to a posh school and live on unearned income. My house is smallish, I make nearly all my clothes, and have a cleaner once a week.

[quote onlychildhamster]@hahahayoumustbejoking well my home country is an ex british colony but is now a republic, we definitely have 'old money'. In a way, I don't think its really different from the USA which doesn't have an official aristocracy but does have 'old money'. But of course cos it is an Asian Tiger nation, most of the wealthy are not 'old money' but its pretty obvious who is 'old money' and who isn't! Kevin Kwan who wrote Crazy Rich Asians is from an 'old money' family (grandfather was knighted by the Queen, great grandfather founded a bank) , as well as the Khoo family of Singapore (wealth 6.5 billion, patriarch got bestowed honours by the government of malaysia).

I think most countries have an 'upper class'. Its a bit harder for ex communist countries like Russia and China as many of their wealthy are truly nouveau riche.[/quote]

Very good points. Thinking about post Tsar Russia, plenty of the Russian aristocracy dispersed throughout Europe penniless (by their standards) but still 'posh'.

Maybe it's about a certain set of values or an approach? Your expectations of life and others might be a certain way, even when economic conditions say otherwise.

I know a lot of very posh people from being involved with horses from a young age. Their character varies massively. Some have been very scruffy and eccentric. Others polished. Some snobby and others very kind. You definitely can't generalise I do agree that although they will be friendly, it's unlikely that they'd strike up genuine equal friendships with someone they employed say as their groom which is the dynamic I'm used to.

@Ericaequites

Posh people tend to have shabby clothes and possessions. They buy good and keep it until the rag pickers wouldn’t have it. I’m not posh, though I went to a posh school and live on unearned income. My house is smallish, I make nearly all my clothes, and have a cleaner once a week.

My experience too.

I find it fascinating how actual posh people always seem to recognise each other. I went to a university with a lot of landed gentry types and they just always seemed to know at a glance whether you were one of them or not.

I think at a certain level It starts to become about bone structure as well. They have a certain look the ultra Sloaney types even at uni, it’s more than just clothes and accent.

My dp is titled ( not at all well known as title is French) so technically posh. In rl he will talk to anyone from homeless people to royalty and shops in charity shops....he's the most down to earth, wonderful person i know!

‘I find it fascinating how actual posh people always seem to recognise each other. I went to a university with a lot of landed gentry types and they just always seemed to know at a glance whether you were one of them or not.‘

Dh and I went on an owner-conducted tour of a country house a few years back at which the owner dropped Eton code words into his spiel which were picked up by someone else on the tour who had also been at Eton. No idea if he was doing it consciously!

@THisbackwithavengeance

According to MN folklore, posh people are generally salt of the earth types who drive ancient Volvos and buy rounds in the pub for the village folk.

But as for anyone who has had the temerity to do well in business and make their own money, they are beyond the pale being just crass and "nouveau".

I love this, it’s mumsnet bingo and I always look out for the battered Volvo and kindly benevolent fairy tales.

Then you get the ones who pretend not to be obsessed with class who wheel out the aspidistra tropes to sneer people who they consider new money.

All tacky and show just how invested most people are in other people’s bank accounts.

This is a stupid question. What are poor people like?

@Gotmyhoops it's weird, isn't it? There's a real serf-like mentality among a lot of people in this country. Raving about privileged folk with enormous amounts of unearned wealth and privilege just because they behaved like normal, decent people.

It's always annoyed me a bit when people praise super privileged people for being nice. Why wouldn't they be nice? Life is very easy when you have the money to do whatever you want and know you have a massive safety net. A lot of people are grumpy because they're stressed out and anxious. They don't have the luxury of being able to relax and know that their money, connections or reputation will smooth the path for them.

I went to a university in London. It was a very good university and attracted a large number of posh people.

I lived in halls with several of them. They had all been privately educated unlike me. The ones that had come from really posh schools lived in London houses purchased by their parents. They all spent their summers travelling, I spent my summer working in Tesco to earn money. They had endless pots of cash, they came from highly educated families. Nights out were expensive, to clubs down the kings road.

They used to take the piss out of my accent and mock me. I lost my way for a bit because I was desperate to fit in. I was incredibly unhappy.

It’s one of the reasons that university wasn’t for me and transferred part way through my second year. I ended up going to a mid level campus uni. Bloody loved it. Fitted in right away!

I was also incredibly lonely. They all started to couple up. Posh people tend to only date posh people so I was constantly on my own.

Now they are all doctors, lawyers and investment bankers etc. Big houses and engagement announcements in the times etc.

@2021ismyyear

I went to a university in London. It was a very good university and attracted a large number of posh people.

I lived in halls with several of them. They had all been privately educated unlike me. The ones that had come from really posh schools lived in London houses purchased by their parents. They all spent their summers travelling, I spent my summer working in Tesco to earn money. They had endless pots of cash, they came from highly educated families. Nights out were expensive, to clubs down the kings road.

They used to take the piss out of my accent and mock me. I lost my way for a bit because I was desperate to fit in. I was incredibly unhappy.

It’s one of the reasons that university wasn’t for me and transferred part way through my second year. I ended up going to a mid level campus uni. Bloody loved it. Fitted in right away!

I was also incredibly lonely. They all started to couple up. Posh people tend to only date posh people so I was constantly on my own.

Now they are all doctors, lawyers and investment bankers etc. Big houses and engagement announcements in the times etc.

Pretty much my experience of uni as well. A memory I have is of the time one of my flatmates found a note left by the cleaner apologising for breaking one of our mugs. The cleaner was a lovely woman but had a tough life and hadn't had much education, possibly some learning difficulties, left school very young, etc. The note was full of spelling and grammar mistakes but perfectly understandable.

What did my flatmate do? This rich, privileged girl who had been given everything on a plate her entire life, gone to public school and had private tutors for almost every subject (she wasn't very bright) to make sure she did well in her exams, held up the note and mocked it to all the friends she had round for drinks. Then some of them made 'corrections' on it with a red pen and left it on the table for the cleaner to find, thinking this was all hilarious. I threw it away after they went out clubbing of course. Imagine being such a disgrace of a person with so little empathy and class that you would humiliate someone of a much lower social class who hasn't had the many privileges you've had.

Just gross. I never forgot that incident.

@2021ismyyear I actually think it might have been the same uni I went to!

[quote Rozziie]@Gotmyhoops it's weird, isn't it? There's a real serf-like mentality among a lot of people in this country. Raving about privileged folk with enormous amounts of unearned wealth and privilege just because they behaved like normal, decent people.

It's always annoyed me a bit when people praise super privileged people for being nice. Why wouldn't they be nice? Life is very easy when you have the money to do whatever you want and know you have a massive safety net. A lot of people are grumpy because they're stressed out and anxious. They don't have the luxury of being able to relax and know that their money, connections or reputation will smooth the path for them.[/quote]
Totally agree.

[quote Rozziie]@Gotmyhoops it's weird, isn't it? There's a real serf-like mentality among a lot of people in this country. Raving about privileged folk with enormous amounts of unearned wealth and privilege just because they behaved like normal, decent people.

It's always annoyed me a bit when people praise super privileged people for being nice. Why wouldn't they be nice? Life is very easy when you have the money to do whatever you want and know you have a massive safety net. A lot of people are grumpy because they're stressed out and anxious. They don't have the luxury of being able to relax and know that their money, connections or reputation will smooth the path for them.[/quote]
Hear, hear. It's quite mad. I've largely given up on trying to get people to explain exactly why they feel that having a hereditary monarchy where the whole point is that you don't get to choose your Head of State, it's a bloodline thing, and where only an accident of birth has meant that the next monarch won't be a man evading being questioned by the FBI on accusations of having sex with a trafficked, minor procured by a convicted sex offender is a good thing.

Really posh tend to be down to earth ..those attempting to be posh awful...or maybe I've been unlucky in my job with who's I've meant attempting to be posh. I suspect they just people some good, some grumpy, etc...

I've only ever met one really posh person, we had a brief conversation about bread rolls in Somerfield's one day. She was all right, and I didn't curtsey :)
I've met other people who think they are posh, some of those are horrible people under the glossy outside.

I think at a certain level It starts to become about bone structure as well. They have a certain look the ultra Sloaney types even at uni, it’s more than just clothes and accent.

Inbred recognises inbred. By and large, with exceptions of course, the English UC are not a sexually attractive lot.

Don't forget about the untamed dc with the unbrushed hair running around barefoot through the countryside in their mismatched boden hand me downs!

scruffy girl in Boden hand-me-down Boden, wellington boots, and angel wings - delightful

tidy girl in Disney clothing and a massive JoJo bow in her hair - heaven forfend

@Noshowwithoutpunch

Superficially friendly but guarded. If you're not one of them you'll never be fully accepted.

This sums it up perfectly. I know a lot of posh people (landed gentry, farming, hooray henry types) this describes them all perfectly. Polite enough but a slight air of disinterest/ aloofness as you'll never be 'one of them' and they can't use you to social climb.

In fact, I'd say it's the social climbing that is the worst.

In fact, I'd say it's the social climbing that is the worst.

I thought people who are actually posh don't care about social climbing.

Aren't social climbers those who aspire to be posh but never will be?

Why people waste their lives on ventures like this is beyond me. I wouldn't want to be an aristocrat.

@2021ismyyear if it starts with K, I went to that uni as well!