To ask what really posh folk are like?

[hahahayoumustbejoking]

Someone on MN recently said that posh people were very friendly and polite but actually wouldn't tend to get close to people outside their close circle and were quite guarded.

Just wondering if anyone has any other insights or stories of the posh, good or bad.

@Hameldown

Money and its trappings are red herrings. What matters is belonging. The people you are discussing may be any or all the things described but these are details. Belonging to a tribe through long standing friendships and family ties creates an unassailable position which can be maintained indefinitely and passed to the next generation. It starts young with bonds forged at boarding prep schools, sharing fun, games and homesickness, dorm raids, In jokes, private language, three cheers for the opposition then match tea together, understanding your parents are friends too and some of your schoolmates are also your cousins. These ties are endlessly reinforced by moving to the same senior schools (Radley, Harrow, possibly Sherborne- don't obsess about Eton; it's a largely UMC school for uber-confident sons of high achievers), shooting or fishing invitations, staying with one another in school holidays, meeting up at weddings and getting drunk together, dating then marrying friends' siblings and friends of friends. In adult life the key questions are never about what you own, but who you know. The more people you have in common, the more total your right to belong. You can't buy this for yourself, and people who attempt it end up trying too hard, missing the cues and reinforcing their own non-membership. That's not to say those on the inside are horrible, entitled, arrogant or unfriendly, any more than any other group- indeed, because good manners are prized these are much to the fore, hence all the glowing epithets on this thread. But don't be fooled into believing that being friendly, charming, unstuffy and welcoming means any more than this.

I think that’s a fair assessment.

The only very UC person I knew thought she was completely destitute. She would constantly lament about the price of things, how she couldn't afford them, how everything was horribly expensive. They got all of their clothes tailored to size and would patch up any holes rather than buy new things. All the furniture in their house was very old and dark brown, which to me confirmed their poverty . When I pointed out that her parents gave her £250k towards a London pad she sighed and said yes, they were poor because they couldn't afford a whole flat for her.

Can someone please shed some light on Iripoo?

@Nat6999

I have a posh friend, I went to school with her, she started of as a solicitor's secretary, then married the solicitor, had twin boys & a nanny to look after them, lived in a small mansion with a swimming pool, boys went to boarding school. She split from the solicitor & rinsed him for a settlement which amounted to millions, bought a house for £1.3 million & lives with an ex footballer. When she was getting divorced she moaned that she had to live in a small flat & had to sell her Range Rover & manage in a brand new VW Golf GTI, the flat was a very posh apartment in one of the most affluent areas of the city.

This is exactly the type of scenario I'm always told is a myth whenever I mention female privilege on here!

@ColorMagicBarbie it's not a myth but it's extremely rare! I've met hundreds if not thousands of women in my life and have never met a single one who has benefitted financially from a man like that. There's no such thing as female privilege. Even those few women who do 'marry rich' pay for it in other ways, often tolerating abuse or mistreatment and losing their own identity.

@ColorMagicBarbie, ‘female privilege’ exists only in the mind of incels and misogynists who vent vitriolically about free menstrual products and rape accusations and think the pay gap is a myth.

@kinzarose, Iripoo is a gibberish language that was a "thing" in pukka/academic boys' prep schools, from at least the 1950s onwards. It works by inserting an unrelated consonant, often p, into the middle of every word (so and might be turned into a-pand). At a 50th birthday party/silver wedding once, a 60-something guest thanked the hosts in Iripoo. An intrigued DS practiced with DH, and then made a cheeky remark to a schoolmaster, who rebuked him -- in very fluent Iripoo. It stages a comeback every now and again, less frequently now I imagine.

There’s a novel which has significant chunks of dialogue from the annoying schoolboy cousin in it, but I’m failing to remember which. Only that it made me seethe mildly while reading it.

They tend to have perfect manners, which includes knowing exactly how to snub someone when they deem it necessary! On the whole, my relatives (mostly posh boarding school/minor public school types) are delightful, warm friendly kind. Deluded. Have no idea what life is like for normal folks; tthough they know that there are people with nothing through no fault of their own, they don't really have any actual experience of being with them or what life can be like when you can't just pay a gardener to do yourr lawn, or buy a train ticket to London, or stay in a hotel overnight.....all of which are examples of problem solving for them.

In sum, my relatives are lovely people but off with the fairies.

(The first rule of female privilege club is that one does not discuss female privilege club).

@malmi

Does anyone know what the working class are like? I heard that they are hard-working and honest but others say they are ill mannered and eat junk food. Which is it please.

I don't suppose you remember the novel, @SeriouslyISuppose? There are so few references to it, and Google is silent on the subject. Is it like the Soho language Macaroni? that was spoken as code among 1950s homosexual men of the Quentin Crisp/Kenneth Williams era? Now also mainly forgotten.

So I have been called posh on more than one occasion.

Not going to lie but most people assume by the way I talk that I'm unapproachable and stuck up. The amount of people who say to me oh my god when I first met you I thought you would be a bitch, but your actually really lovely and down to earth 😵‍💫 so I generally try to make sure my resting bitch face is always hidden from view. It's exceedingly tiring tbh trying to counter peoples first views esp as I feel like I'm constantly having to apologise for how I was born and raised and sometimes actually I think those apologies are needed.

I also get a fair amount of questions/assumptions "oh it's ok for the likes You going to private school" and "do you have a pony" which I do ride but I bloody hate pony's due to their temperament. I think all of the above makes me very guarded with people. I'm also on first look people always say I thought you would be so judgmental, like because I talk the way I do but honestly I don't really give a fig about what people have and don't have and base it more on who they are as a person. I find that I face a lot more judgement than most actually so I try to always do the opposite, because it's not like my voice or how I was raised means I'm better than anyone else. In some respects I do find massive amounts of money ruins people so I can understand why people assume these things.

@THisbackwithavengeance

According to MN folklore, posh people are generally salt of the earth types who drive ancient Volvos and buy rounds in the pub for the village folk.

But as for anyone who has had the temerity to do well in business and make their own money, they are beyond the pale being just crass and "nouveau".

I know right! I find it quite funny when people say "truly posh" people never show off blah blah.

Err, like you'll find among different classes of people - some like to show off, some don't; some are nice, some aren't; some are hardworking, some are lazy; and so on. You'll also find some who aren't really one or the other but somewhere in-between.

They could be working class, middle class, upperclass and anything in between.

The generalisations on these sort of threads really make me laugh. Entertaining to read, surely.

@XingMing

I don't suppose you remember the novel, *@SeriouslyISuppose*? There are so few references to it, and Google is silent on the subject. Is it like the Soho language Macaroni? that was spoken as code among 1950s homosexual men of the Quentin Crisp/Kenneth Williams era? Now also mainly forgotten.

No, I can’t. I’m in my late 40s and I probably read it as a student! The thing is, I’m pretty sure the term Iripoo wasn’t used — it could be I’m confusing it with Pig Latin, but from what I vaguely remember, it followed roughly along the lines @XingMing said.

@XingMing and @SeriouslyISuppose
Iripoo- I thought this sounded like Idig!

F

@hahahayoumustbejoking

Someone on MN recently said that posh people were very friendly and polite but actually wouldn't tend to get close to people outside their close circle and were quite guarded.

Just wondering if anyone has any other insights or stories of the posh, good or bad.

I believe this to be true of royalty and of Lords, Ladies etc - the true upper classes.

I don't think it's true of moderately posh people, or should we call them the upper middle classes? I went to boarding school where there were lots of very well spoken and well connected kids with mega rich parents. Some tried to make themselves more relatable by dressing as goths, skaters etc and generally by trying to be rebellious (dating people from the local state school, dealing drugs etc 🤣). No one ever really talked about their parents being wealthy, and most were very easy talking to anyone and everyone. Many of my friends from boarding school do not send their own children to private schools, myself included.

To be honest, I think status in life is a load of bullshit. All that really matters is health, happiness and love - neither money or class can guarantee these things!

YABU

I'm not posh at all. My boss, however is very posh indeed. Eaton, Oxbridge, inherited title, links to the royals.... he's very smart, kind and good fun. Not snobby in the slightest. And always open to learning new things.

But I certainly wouldn't say they are all like that!

My cousin married the younger son of a baronet. She got a sports scholarship to a very expensive boarding school and met him there. Her dad had money but made it himself by owning newsagents and was very East End.

The wedding was fab, at his family seat (famous castle) and no expense spared. Her husband is really nice, seems down to earth, he was really into our Nan who lived in a council flat in the east end her whole life, I think he thought she was “real” somehow. He sobbed at her funeral and got drunk and told everyone what a connection they had.

Anyway, I don’t like him very well but he lives a normal, but priveleged life. Works in wealth management, nice house in London, hands on Dad etc.

Know him very well. I like him fine

Money has nothing to do with being upper class or ‘posh’
Many Genuinely upper class folk you wouldn’t even know it to look at them- normal down to Earth clothes and car.
Upon hearing someone speak though gives it away every time.

@Silverswirl

Money has nothing to do with being upper class or ‘posh’ Many Genuinely upper class folk you wouldn’t even know it to look at them- normal down to Earth clothes and car. Upon hearing someone speak though gives it away every time.

I'm not sure it does. I've met quite a few posh people who do their very best to sound 'common' or at least not posh. I went to uni with the daughter of an earl and at first thought she was a standard middle class English person. Took a while to realise she was as posh as she was.

The posh people (well, women) I know:

Don't wear too much make up

Don't wear tight clothes or synthetic fabric

Have good posture

Eat real food and don't snack on crap

Have strong teeth

Are polite and charming to everyone - but will probably go to town on you when you've left the house of they aren't keen on you

Are generally more confident

In my experience, they do judge those with less money / cockney accents / crap jobs and are still impressed by money, status etc - even if it's subconscious. We all judge on some level.

Most posh people I know are utterly charming IME because they typically have a lovely life, haven't struggled and are very secure.