To think I should not have to kiss a man by the third date?

[littleloopylou]

Really, I want to know. Is this unreasonable?

Of course not. You don’t have to kiss on the 100th date if you don’t want.

If the first date is my first time meeting someone then I probably won’t kiss them but if he hadn’t wanted to kiss me by the 3rd date then I wouldn’t see him again because obviously it’s going nowhere.

You’re both entitled to feel how you feel. As long as he hasn’t tried to force you to kiss him or do something you don’t want to do then neither of you are in the wrong here.

Not unreasonable OP (don't kiss anyone you don't want to) but perhaps in the wrong place for starting a relationship in a way that suits you.

To most people, meeting for a 'date' (as in OLD) suggests something focused on a sexual relationship.

You are asking to meet for friendship first and to see if romance develops and then sexual attraction. Going to OLD is probably leaping over some of these steps and most people on there are likely to expect you to want this.

Could you look for interests/hobbies/education that will let you meet people in less sex-focused circumstances?

YANBU, though I've been more in the camp of immediate physical attraction and acting on that early on, I totally get where you are coming from and it's a shame if he said he understood and is now backtracking.

It is a little unusual to want to wait a long time so maybe based on the "norms" he is therefore assuming you're not into him.

If you explain as you have here that it's just your way and that you do like him and he is still pushy, it's sad but at least you know now early on he's not a good match. If he gets it and sees that you understand why he might have got the wrong signal, then that's great!

Don't ever let anyone pressure you into intimacy, no matter how mild

@littleloopylou

Here is what happened. He tried to kiss me. I pulled away. I started trying to explain. He told me that I don't have to explain. Then he texted me to say that we should reconnect when I'm ready to date or something like that.

I don’t think he did anything wrong here.

Your date is looking for love.
You're looking for a friend.

The 2 of you then met, and because of the above 2 statements, you friend-zoned your date.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_zone

I think most of the responses on the first 10 pages of this thread were reasonable. Go looking for the intention of making new friends and take it from there. It will save your future dates' time, and meanwhile, save your own time too.

No specialist sites required.

I don't know why there's a disapproving emoji. If you yourself are finding the system you're using to be "tricky" and "difficult" and are feeling obliged to cut things short when you don't really want to, what's so offensive about the suggestion of looking for a site dedicated to like-minded people?

You are not being unreasonable. And good riddance.

This is the trash taking itself out. You aren’t obligated to kiss him. You do what you’re comfortable with. So in my opinion, good for you. Now you don’t have to waste anymore time with this man.

@MarshmallowSwede How is he trash? He was respectful to the OP and handled the situation well.

Some things that might help you going forward:

—dating is about 2 people, not 1. It’s important to have your own boundaries, it’s equally important to recognise he has his. He doesn’t owe you an explanation about why he doesn’t want to keep seeing you and he doesn’t have to listen to your explanation. The fact you are so insistent on him changing his boundaries to fit you is worrying, consent goes two ways. He respected your lack of consent to kiss, you need to respect his lack of consent to keep dating.

—people. Don’t. Owe. You. Anything. Yes you might find dating harder than others, that doesn’t mean the rest of the world are going to change their wants to accommodate. The world doesn’t owe you a relationship.

—literally nobody is telling you to change your boundaries, or to do things you’re not comfortable with. If you STILL haven’t got that, you should re-read the thread and work on your reading comprehension and maybe speak to a therapist to see if there is something else going on causing you to misunderstand communication. It could be affecting you in other parts of your life, or maybe trauma is causing you to be totally irrational in dating.

You don't have to kiss anyone ever. It's entirely up to you and anyone giving you shit for not kissing them is not worth keeping in your life.

@CaptSkippy

You don't have to kiss anyone ever. It's entirely up to you and anyone giving you shit for not kissing them is not worth keeping in your life.

He hasn’t “given her shit”. He’s decided it isn’t the relationship for him, which he’s perfectly entitled to do.

Boundaries and wishes both work both ways.

@CaptSkippy

You don't have to kiss anyone ever. It's entirely up to you and anyone giving you shit for not kissing them is not worth keeping in your life.

He's done the exact opposite of giving her shit.

Clearly some people need to the op and not just the clickbait title.

A few of the recent posters clearly haven't read the thread.

Read the op*

Honestly you sound hard work.

It’s totally reasonable for someone to want to kiss you on date 3. It’s totally reasonable for you to refuse.

But start throwing around all this stuff about being “disappointed” and “confused” feeling “utterly worthless” and “very rejected” along with your ramped up passive aggression:

“clearly doesn't even like me enough to hear an explanation”

“Disappointing that dating me is so boring…”

It was DATE #3 not a six month commitment. If you’re feeling so deeply let down and emotional about a guy you’ve spent less than a handful of hours with then you should probably get some therapy.

@Flowers500 i truly don't understand how you feel I have violated any of his boundaries. I blocked him on WhatsApp. How is it violating his boundaries to take him at his word and end the conversation? I accepted it when he said he's not interested.

@DrSbaitso

No specialist sites required.

I don't know why there's a disapproving emoji. If you yourself are finding the system you're using to be "tricky" and "difficult" and are feeling obliged to cut things short when you don't really want to, what's so offensive about the suggestion of looking for a site dedicated to like-minded people?

Because people are suggesting religious or asexual sites, when OP is neither. She is not situated outside of mainstream dating because it takes her a few more dates than most to want to get physical.

Hes looking for romance I would think if someone hadn't kissed me or wanted to kiss me by date 3 then they aren't interested.

The responses here have helped to clear things up a bit. I think that I probably became somewhat defensive.

Kudos for acknowledgimg this though op.

[quote littleloopylou]@Flowers500 i truly don't understand how you feel I have violated any of his boundaries. I blocked him on WhatsApp. How is it violating his boundaries to take him at his word and end the conversation? I accepted it when he said he's not interested.[/quote]
As I explained above, he doesn’t have to listen to your explanations of why you don’t want a physical relationship, and he doesn’t have to keep seeing you. You have dozens of posts on this thread heavily suggesting you feel he owed you his time, and he owed you to go at your pace. Read back through your own posts. If I had the time today I would quote them back

[quote littleloopylou]@Flowers500 i truly don't understand how you feel I have violated any of his boundaries. I blocked him on WhatsApp. How is it violating his boundaries to take him at his word and end the conversation? I accepted it when he said he's not interested.[/quote]
You haven't. This thread is batshit.

I understand OP. I don't think there is anything wrong with you!! It may just be that you might need to push yourself out of your comfort zone a bit if you're going to be online dating.

I am similar to you, I struggle to form relationships from cold. I found it difficult meeting people through OLD or even a blind date I went on once because it just feels like a job interview; it's not natural and you know you're both sizing each other up as a bf/gf.

However, I've fared better with people who I've vaguely known but shared a natural kiss with at a Christmas party or something. Not at all saying you should force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with, but sometimes it can break the ice and also helps establish if there is a spark there.

But I completely understand it's hard and I know some people really struggle to date from nothing, because I'm one of them.

No, I don't think he owed me anything. I am angry that he would want to kiss me when he's clearly not that into me personally. I also didn't appreciate his follow up message to me about how it would be nicer to be cuddled up in bed after I didn't want to kiss him. I accepted his rejection. He could have left well enough alone.

NEWSFLASH - people can wait months before kissing each other, & guess what? - they also could make every happy claim that you make about your own relationship.

this is true, but both have to want to wait months, he didn't and very decently said so, OP did want to wait and continue seeing him, they were not compatible, they have different expectations about dating, he did the right thing for him as OP is doing what is right for her