To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

[username4s]

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

Totally agree. And it's excused as cute and endearing. Bleeeeurgh.

Let’s say you’re overweight. Just stop eating.
Same with being late. Just be on time.
Except for, people aren’t like that. We can see the problem and the solution but still can’t control our behaviour in all situations.

feelingsareweird

Late appointments in the NHS was not the point of my comment, why did you cherry pick part of the example I gave?

I have friends who have worked in senior managerial positions in countries where time keeping is less important the found it a nightmare because productivity was so poor it was a never ending battle to justify the existence of some of the overseas offices.

I have never worked in a formal office environment, the NHS as it happens and with people from all over the world. You would not survive very long in a clinical job if you were consistently late because your colleagues cannot go home until you arrive, interestingly persistent lateness is very rare and colleagues from parts of the world where time may not be considered as important manage to adapt without difficulty. The NHS is one of the UK's biggest employers so it would seem unlikely that it does not employ a fair number of ND people but they somehow manage to avoid prioritising ordering pharmacy stock whilst you bleed to death.

It seems to be a common misconception that punctual people have an organisation gene which makes life easier for us, I can easily relate to some of the experiences ND people have written about on this thread. I am not ND as far as I know but I accept that life is challenging enough without sabotaging myself so I have very strict habits to maintain some semblance of order. Some took years of practice before they became second nature but they are habits now which make my life easier.

I'm late as often as I'm on time. I have a condition - ADD - which makes life in general harder to live in a world where everything is designed to work for neuro-typical people.
Yes, there are coping strategies but they don't always work. Yes, I could start getting ready earlier, but that assumes that everything else in my life works in the way it would for a NT person. But it doesn't work like that. Everything is more muddled, everything takes longer, everything takes more thought. To put it into context, I've spent 15 minutes writing this post already because that's how long it takes to put my thoughts in order and type them out so they make sense. Plus I have had to fight with my brain about 10 times already to try to focus on this and not think or do something else.
Bit, whatever! The judgement from some quarters will continue. Says more about them than about me.

“It's because they value their time over yours”
I see this unhelpful sound bite is still doing the rounds . It’s not a fact, just a mantra for ableism.

I used to be like this but I’m a lot more punctual now. I do have add traits, and I always genuinely tried. I’m much better now, put everything in place to be super early for everything to give me leeway or make sure I keep people updated and it’s improved loads. It makes me stressed if I feel I’m going to be anything other than early now.

I do know how annoying it is though. Because my partner is the same.

No concept of time perception whatsoever. I can’t remember the last time he was early or on time for something he will nip to the shop and plan to be five minutes and get carried away with messing with stuff, forgetting things, getting distracted or obsessed with something that he can’t pull himself away, making phone calls, forgetting that he needs to be back etc etc. I’m learning to live with it. I have suspected add in him as well. I usually have to give him a push in the morning when we have DSD as she’s been late for school a fair number of times when it’s left to him doing the morning stuff!

As simple as it may sound to rectify this I genuinely feel that a lot of people struggle with it. There’s no excuse not to keep people updated though.

Come to think about it actually, my DSD is exactly the same, when we are late for anything she will not rush for no one and get distracted or seem to understand that a thing called time exists and she’s old enough to be able to understand that now. She does struggle a lot. It honestly is like she cannot logically grasp the concept of time whatsoever

Lateness is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's so incredibly rude.

People try and justify it with "oh, I try and be on time, I don't know what happens! Woe is me!" Honestly? I don't care what your excuse is! Just fix it!

Recently, I was on a Saturday first aid course, due to start at 9am. At 9:10, a woman rocks up (completely incorrectly dressed for a first aid course, think high-heeled shoes and a low-cut strapless summer dress, but ok?)
She announces to the room (the course had already started) "Is this the first aid course? I'll just nip to the loo first!" And swans out again! Rocks up again 10 minutes later (the course has been going 20 minutes by that point), and is really huffy that the course leader didn't wait for her!

And you can guess who was late back from lunch...

@MargaretBall

“It's because they value their time over yours” I see this unhelpful sound bite is still doing the rounds . It’s not a fact, just a mantra for ableism.

Ableism?

Hardly. People cry "ableism!" to attempt to self-justify their many and numerous excuses.

@BillyBearSpam

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

A similar thread was done on this not so long ago.

People have genuine reasons for being late. Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, IBS, childcare, pet care as a few examples. It's not personal.

A many have no reason... they're just selfish arseholes

My DM is constantly late. There’s always a very long explanation, losing her keys before leaving or getting lost on the way. Or being over optimistic about what she might be able to fit into her schedule.

She made me late for my own wedding, locking her car keys inside her car. (She was giving me away.)

She’s 82 now, so she’s harder likely to change now. Thankfully, she works for a Christian charity she herself set up supporting literacy work in West Africa, where timekeeping isn’t important, and before that she ran her own business.

I think that in her case she bites off more than she can chew. But it can be very frustrating at times! She does, however, always contact us to let us know when she’s running late and she’s always very apologetic.

I am often late. I have ADHD and it makes certain things a lot harder for me. I don't think my time is more important than anybody else's at all. Getting ready probably takes me four times as long, I have to put ridiculous amounts of planning into things that come easily to others, I stress myself out trying to be as timely as possible only to feel acute shame and anxiety every time I'm late somewhere because I know the other person now thinks I'm an arrogant selfish careless twit. That weighs a lot heavier on me than it does on the other person who has to wait 10 minutes every now and again. I mask it with humour because I don't want to tell everyone in my life about this condition only to get sympathetic head tilts and slow simple voices and treated as some sort of basket case. Not everyone is like you. I find it strange that neurotypical people follow a load of arbitrary strange rules and don't seem to think for themselves. I don't tie myself up in knots judging them for it though.

@MissyMooKins

My son has bowel problems and has been late to school many times as he suddenly needs to go just before leaving. He still gets in trouble. They must think he likes having chronic diorrhoea

That is being ableist by the school if they know he has that condition.

That isn't what most people are talking about though. It's the people who swan in half an hour late with the tinkly laugh "oh what am I like" and expect everyone else, who did arrive more or less on time, to accept it.

And ok, so some of you are so amazing at your jobs, your bosses overlook your diabolical timekeeping. Fine - especially in the era of home-working, it must be easier to get to your desk on time.

But how do you meet work deadlines?

YABU I really don't think it's that personal.

Some people are just truly shit at timekeeping and planning even though they have the best intentions to get somewhere on time. I really don't think it's a personal thing. These sort of people would be late to everything, not just something specifically involving you for example.

@FrippEnos

IWantT0BreakFree

That's your perception but not necessarily the reality. It's up to you if you view it that way but it seems fairly pointless.

Surely that would depend on how long they kept you waiting?

I have friends that turn up a couple of minutes late and that is fine.
I had other friends who would turn up over an hour late, no apology just breezed in as though they were on time.

If someone regularly keeps me waiting 15+ minutes, then yes, I consider that to be rude and disrespectful. Even if tell me they don't mean to be rude or disrespectful. Actions do speak louder than words.

If someone is late sometimes and apologises, or better still, lets me know they're running late so I'm not pointlessly waiting around for them, then that's different. You can only respond to how someone treats you. People who are always late and say "but I don't do it to be rude" - well, I believe you. But that doesn't change the fact that it is, objectively, rude to waste other people's time.

It's the people who swan in half an hour late with the tinkly laugh "oh what am I like" and expect everyone else, who did arrive more or less on time, to accept it.

Do you think perhaps they could actually be really embarrassed and are trying to make light of it? Certainly I try react with humour sometimes if upset or embarrassed.

As I said before I have friends who just can't help being a little late a lot, for whatever reason. I know they're going to do it, it's obviously something that isn't going to change for my sake. I dont expect them to grovel and beat themselves up every time!

@lockdownmadnessdotcom

And ok, so some of you are so amazing at your jobs, your bosses overlook your diabolical timekeeping. Fine - especially in the era of home-working, it must be easier to get to your desk on time.

But how do you meet work deadlines?

I guess many of us end up in jobs and careers where work deadlines are more flexible or where we are not micro-managed in the same way.

Actually you've just illustrated the issue that many ND people on this thread have tried to explain. Many NT people seem to find it hard to imagine a reality different to the one they live.

Hardly. People cry "ableism!" to attempt to self-justify their many and numerous excuses.

It’s comments like this that just shows how ignorant some people can be.

It is estimated that something like 1 in 7 people in the UK are neurodivergent. It’s not uncommon or rare.

www.ed.ac.uk/equality-diversity/disabled-staff-support/neurodiversity-support

This has been utterly eye opening for all the wrong reasons. I had no idea people were so judgemental and so lacking in empathy for people who struggle. Some of the comments "I don't care why you're late, sort it out." Wow, I don't want to even imagine what you say to friends who have physical disabilities and can't keep up with how fast you walk or need help getting into buildings that don't have easy access. Then again judging by your attitude I suppose you just don't have any friends who may disadvantage you going about your day in any way.

This is really sad, and also mind boggling that people cannot imagine jobs where time keeping is unimportant. Many creative industries simply don't value time keeping.

Oh, so you’re creative now, unlike all us plodders, ruled by the clock.

Frankly some of these posts are really insulting. I have enormous empathy for anyone with a disability (from personal experience). A small number of people have a disability which might render timekeeping problematic (of course any bowel problem would be no. 1 on the list). Most late people however are just at best thoughtless and at worst incredibly inconsiderate.

Interesting how those who find time keeping easy seem to be unable to understand not everyone finds it easy or even possible.
I understand people are late and things don't go to plan.
But there's no excuse to not let the person who you are meeting know.
Don't wait till the person rings you and then tell them you're running late then.
That's what pissed people off.

@FOJN
No I interpreted the point of your comment that in most workplaces punctuality is absolutely vital for them to function. But in my experience GP services do not in practice run to a tightly regimented schedule from which they never waver. For very legitimate reasons, as in life in general! Sure, some workplaces - air traffic control to take your other example - do need to function in that way for safety reasons etc, but that’s why I don’t work in one 🤣 it’s not universally essential for society to function.

@lockdownmadnessdotcom
I often don’t make deadlines. It’s rarely a huge deal. If it is a huge deal, I accept that I’ll be up all night the night before to get it done, because as someone mentioned above, the adrenaline of panic is sometimes the only way. Executive function issues are pretty common in my field of work too, which is why it never occurred to me that I might have adhd until a counsellor suggested it a couple of years ago!

@CuntAmongstThePigeons

This is such an ableist thread. Obviously many posters have no understanding of how asd or adhd can affect individuals. I'm so glad my friends and employers are more understanding. Also shocked at how many people cut off friends and family because of time keeping. I hate to think of what you'd all do if your family or friends have other medical issues. I put up with far worse than bad time keeping in friends and family.

Also amazed at how many people think its about them, its literally no reflection on them at all. And for posters saying "they manage to be on time for the things that matter to them" well that's not been my experience. I've missed flights, job interviews, important family events and no its not for want of trying.

Sorry but the three examples I've given of selfish lateness were perpetrated by NT individuals who have very successful careers etc.

It's not 'ableist' to hate rude lateness.

@cheesemarmitepanini

Sorry but the three examples I've given of selfish lateness were perpetrated by NT individuals who have very successful careers etc.

How do you know they are NT? I didn't know I had ADD until I was in my late 40s. I have a successful career.