To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

[username4s]

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

@AntiSocialDistancer When my Mum ((who I have diagnosed with having ADHD and Dyslexia- but she would completely dispute))

Christ I'm glad you are not my DC

Stop with the diagnosis of others please - it is unhelpful

I have a friend is always late. It used to piss me off. Generally, we will meet in the same place that has limited parking. I'll park on the 1 hour car park and potter about doing anything I need to do if when she is late.

There has been a few strops when I've buggered off before she's arrived, as my parking has run out. I don't have the patience to hang around for someone being arsed to turn up.

100% agree with you.

I'm not going to say I have never been late somewhere in my life because I have but when I have been late I've text the person in advance to apologise, felt terrible about it and there has always been a good reason for it. I also always apologise again when I get there. I find it sooooo rude when someone is late and then they don't even acknowledge their lateness and just continue to act normal. I think 5/10 mins late is ok but I'm talking anymore than that and then they don't say sorry it really pisses me off!!!

Some people with adhd have no way to regulate time, they aren't being rude when they are regularly late, it's a mental health condition.

I have ADHD and I’m so totally time blind, luckily I have a lot of very understanding people around me.

@Stroopwaffle5000

It can be a sign of Executive Dysfunction which people with ASD and ADHD suffer from. Also Time Blindness. As someone with ADHD, I have to plan to leave an hour earlier than a neurotypical person or else I will be late.

This.

Many women, in particular it seems don't realise they have this until well past childhood.

The 'symptoms' of ADHD are generally quite well documented for boys, especially the 'H' part of it. Not so well documented is how it affects women.

I have trouble being on time. I'm disorganised. I've spent years ( and years) hating myself for it and wishing I know wtf was wrong with me
I worried that maybe, secretly, I DID try and manipulate. It really wasn't that at all.
It is a relief knowing what is wrong. I'm getting better at sorting it out, because I'm doing something tangible to sort it, rather than just crossing my fingers and saying " I promise I'll be better".

These threads are deeply, deeply unkind

I can't believe this discussion has gone down an NT/ not NT path.

99 times out of a hundred these late merchants just didn't set off in time and value their time more.

This was definitely the case with a friend of mine. Once she turned up really late and said ''oh sorry I"m late but I got so much done this morning, I went for a run, I hung out the washing, I arranged x,y&z'' and I said ''well I got nothing done because I was expecting you any minute for over an hour! and she looked at me with this oooooooh aggressive! look on her face. So I couldn't even Say anything!!!! That let me know that she could be late, but in her eyes, the apology was THE End of the matter.

@BreadInCaptivity

I don't really get your point?

Of course we've all put in millions of coping mechanisms, which is how most of us managed to get to university too.

But obviously your DS is special. The rest of us are just pretenders

However, teen is ASD and can’t seem to work time out. If I say we need to be there by X time & I start asking him to get ready his reply is always ‘it’s only Y o’clock, you said X o’clock’ drives me mad.

So work out when you need him to get ready, and when he has to leave, and tell him those times.

@PearlyRising it's MN..frankly I'm shocked it took as long as it did tbh.

[quote Catasptrophisemycat]**@AntiSocialDistancer* When my Mum ((who I have diagnosed with having ADHD and Dyslexia- but she would completely dispute))*

Christ I'm glad you are not my DC

Stop with the diagnosis of others please - it is unhelpful[/quote]
My point wasnt to say that because she "has" ADHD and dyslexia that's why she's bad at that. She'd an appalling time keeper regardless.

She not only has terrible problems with executive function, she's also really bad at maths. They combine to make her consistently late.

The habitually late who are saying 'It's not about YOU' - well, actually, for me, it IS all about me, because I am the one who ends up either waiting for you and growing steadily more resentful, or just leaving (probably thereby triggering a falling out). I hate both those options. You may not mean for those outcomes to happen, but your behaviour makes it inevitably so. The fact that I'm the only one affected doesn't make it OK

I have ADHD and am never, ever late.

The reason for that is because I have EXTREME time anxiety because my default setting is not to be grounded in time including day, month, year, really.

People with ADHD CAN 'get it together' to be on time but my god you have no understanding of the level of anxiety that compels me to always be on time.

I'd love to just naturally be on time. I'm not. it's hard.

@tortoiselover100 it's a mental health condition.

Absolute bollocks!

Sometimes (not alwways) lateness is down to busy-ness. For example my kids attend an extra curricular they love and the day they do it is the only day/time they can do it. It takes half an hour to drive there. I finish work and get home only an hour before that and we have to eat in that time. Even on days when I'm super organized and make dinner in advance so it only needs reheating, we struggle to leave on time so end up in rushing to get there. If there's the slightest bit of traffic or any problem on the way we are late. I don't have any leeway in my day to "just allow ten minutes extra time."

@PearlyRising

I can't believe this discussion has gone down an NT/ not NT path.

99 times out of a hundred these late merchants just didn't set off in time and value their time more.

This was definitely the case with a friend of mine. Once she turned up really late and said ''oh sorry I"m late but I got so much done this morning, I went for a run, I hung out the washing, I arranged x,y&z'' and I said ''well I got nothing done because I was expecting you any minute for over an hour! and she looked at me with this oooooooh aggressive! look on her face. So I couldn't even Say anything!!!! That let me know that she could be late, but in her eyes, the apology was THE End of the matter.

So you have 1 friend who was late and rude...and have extrapolated that to 99 out of 100 people how?

The reason these discussions go down a NT / not NT path is because there are so many of us who are not NT.

If you add up people suffering from MH issues that may make them late (depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar, etc) to ASD, ADHD and ADD I think (from your comment) you'd be surprised at how big the proportion of people are who have good reasons to be late.

Out of interest how many people in 100 do you think have these conditions if you add them together?

SOME "People with ADHD CAN 'get it together' "

Not all.

I have ADHD and part of my executive dysfunction is time management and blindness.

Also, telling left from right.

Combine them all and I can underestimate how long it will take to get somewhere, get on the wrong bus, train or tram, miss my stop and/or misread Google Maps and end up going in the opposite direction.

I've found that I have to concentrate all my effort on meeting the appointment, without doing anything else e.g.. Putting in a load of washing before going out the door.

I'm skeptical about time blindness. I have been told I have ADD (perhaps I do) but I don't instinctively know what time I need to set off to get somewhere. I know it takes 12 minutes to walk to the bus stop, it takes the bus 45 minutes to get in to town and I look at google maps to see how long the walk is.

So it's not like recognising faces. It's not magically instinctive for anybody - some people just figure out how long each part of the journey takes and add it all up.

If there are reasons for being late, eh anxiety, IBS, an elderly cat, surely friends etc will know this and cut you some slack. But in the general run of thinks, in Britain, lateness is widely considered to be rude, or at the very least inconsiderate. And how do people with health issues, mental health issues or rogue pets get to job interviews, hospital appointmets or funerals on time? Or do they simply not?

If you know you’re likely to be late, do you warn your friend when making the arrangements?

@midsomermurderess

If there are reasons for being late, eh anxiety, IBS, an elderly cat, surely friends etc will know this and cut you some slack. But in the general run of thinks, in Britain, lateness is widely considered to be rude, or at the very least inconsiderate. And how do people with health issues, mental health issues or rogue pets get to job interviews, hospital appointmets or funerals on time? Or do they simply not?

Firstly how would my friends know my lateness was due to ADD when I've only just found out at 39 that I probably have ADD?

Secondly - being late to appointments is a good day. I'm on final warning with my GP and dentist for missing multiple appointments.

I don't tend to be late for funerals because I've only ever gone with family who basically manage my time for me on those days.

[quote wheresmymojo]@BreadInCaptivity

I don't really get your point?

Of course we've all put in millions of coping mechanisms, which is how most of us managed to get to university too.

But obviously your DS is special. The rest of us are just pretenders [/quote]

That's a pretty nasty post and grossly distorts what I said, which is that if I'd have listened to projections about what he could achieve he wouldn't be in the position he is in now.

Put simply we have always assumed he's capable of anything given the right tools.

I made no reference to him being "special" (though of course he is to me) or that other non NT people were incapable of pursing a Uni education.

I can't believe this discussion has gone down an NT/ not NT path.

It went down this path because the third poster in implied that if someone were not NT, it should be acceptable if they were late. But if you are NT, it would not be.