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Original poster

Do toddlers really *Have to go to nursery/pre school?

139 replies

Turnthefanoff · 05/09/2021 16:38

If you don’t work so it’s not a necessity they don’t go, does it matter if they don’t? Are they losing out if they don’t?
Started my Ds at pre school this week, he’s cried the whole time, much happier at home and with friends on play dates, I’m wondering if I don’t need to, why am I sending him 🤷🏻‍♀️Is it pressure from society that they should be in pre school? Or is it beneficial for them to go?

OP posts:
RedMarauder · 05/09/2021 20:35

@icedcoffees the parents don't have to be middle class to do that.

Rapunzel91 · 05/09/2021 20:37

My friend who teaches reception and year 1 says she can tell who's kids have gone to nursery/preschool and those who havent. Those who have gone usually have it easier than those who havent as they are used to the routine and structure and often more independent.

But no, its definitely not a must if you dont have to send them. Desperately applying for part time work so I can stop working full time and have my DD in nursery full time. Enjoy your time with your little one,maybe seek out some forest schools to go together and more structured groups so he gets the practice?

rubbletrouble · 05/09/2021 20:40

No they don't need nursery or preschool, especially if they mix with others on play dates like you say and you are doing bits of teaching at home.

If you want them at home with you, keep them at home with you. They already go to school so young as it is, a bit more time at home won't do them any harm at all.

pastabest · 05/09/2021 20:43

@LidlMiddleLover

No they don’t at all Nursery is for the parents not children's benefit.
Yeah, that's totally why the government funds 15 hours a week preschool education for every 3 year old and some two year olds

Do you really think it's because they think parents could do with a few hours off in the week?

Or perhaps it's because there is evidence children that age benefit from it...

rubbletrouble · 05/09/2021 20:45

It does benefit them, there are loads of studies on this. The benefits tend to rely on various factors though - such as group size and qualifications of the staff - and it generally trails off by age 7 anyway. So, it depends.

Where are the loads of studies showing it benefits kids in general, just a couple out of the loads would be interesting for me to read as the ones I seen only shown it was of a definite benefit to kids from deprived homes ?

kowari · 05/09/2021 20:47

@Turnthefanoff

He turned 3 in July
I think it is very beneficial for three year olds thr year before school. For toddlers (one and two year olds) then mothers groups are enough if childcare is not needed.
rubbletrouble · 05/09/2021 20:48

There definitely is new research, as I said, I can send you some if you’re interested on learning more.

@Pumperthepumper I would be interested on a few links please as I've never seen it linked outside of deprived households.

pointythings · 05/09/2021 20:59

The only thing I would say is that starting them at nursery means they will get all the usual illnesses before they start school. So if you're thinking of going back to work when they start school, and they haven't been to nursery at all, expect some tricky childcare for ill child situations. If you're not working, that isn't an issue.

My two were in nursery full time from 6 months because I worked full time so I can't comment on any of the other scenarios.

Pumperthepumper · 05/09/2021 20:59

@rubbletrouble

There definitely is new research, as I said, I can send you some if you’re interested on learning more.

@Pumperthepumper I would be interested on a few links please as I've never seen it linked outside of deprived households.

Sure, here you go:

dera.ioe.ac.uk/8543/7/SSU-SF-2004-01.pdf

pointythings · 05/09/2021 21:03

Pumper my two benefited immensely from being in nursery. And we're middle class as anything. They came into school confident, academically ahead of the game and with great social skills. It's served them well through their entire school career.

elbea · 05/09/2021 21:10

@rubbletrouble www.familyandchildcaretrust.org/long-term-study-following-4500-children-links-childcare-better-outcomes

It just takes a quick google really.

Skyla2005 · 05/09/2021 21:27

You have only given it a week ? Of course they don't have to go but it is very good for them to have some independence away from their mum which they don't get from a play date.

undermycatsthumb · 05/09/2021 21:40

OP if he was 3 in July then it depends whether you plan to start him at school aged 4 or 5. If 5 then you could leave nursery a year and start nursery age 4. If you plan to start him at school age 4 then a year of nursery probably wouldn’t hurt.

I really regret sending my DS to playgroup when he wasn’t ready to be away from me. There was no rush really but because it had been the right thing for his sister I thought it would also be the right thing for him, and it wasn’t.

peachesarenom · 05/09/2021 21:51

It might just not be the right place, try another maybe?

Angliski · 05/09/2021 21:52

My ds started nursery at 12 months in Jan this year. He quickly began to enjoy it.

Though we don’t ‘have’ to send him, I felt it was important for learning to socialise, building immunity, messy play that I might be hesitating to do at home… and also… time for us as a couple. Of course I fretted and checked the app lots at the start but now I know he loves it and we really appreciate investing in our relationship and wider life. This make us better parents with more to give him.

Everyone needs time off and we have no family to help, plus a lockdown babe, so for us without playgroup, we wanted him to have social experiences and interact with a variety of adults and kids.

WimpoleHat · 05/09/2021 22:01

I thought the best thing about Pre school was getting them used to an institutional environment before they had to go to school. And the pre school was good at things I wasn’t so good at - messy play etc. So I think they got a lot out of being in a more chaotic environment when they were used to being at home with me. But they liked it and were happy. I certainly wouldn’t push it if your DS is unhappy. Try again in 6 months and see if he likes it then?

RampantIvy · 05/09/2021 22:05

@LidlMiddleLover

No they don’t at all Nursery is for the parents not children's benefit.
In my case it was for my benefit and for DD's benefit. She is an only child, and we had only just moved to the area. I didn't have friends with children her age, and we didn't, and still don't, live near family.
Tigger85 · 05/09/2021 22:15

My ds did not go until he was aged 3 and could go to state nursery within the primary school he has just reception at. Because of covid and being a summer born he has only had 2 terms of nursery before starting reception. The nursery was only 2.5 hrs per day and he started reception last week going straight into 6 hr days, I thought he would struggle but he's been quite happy though tired when picking him up. I'm glad he got 2 terms of nursery because covid had meant he hadn't seen anyone besides us from from age 2.5 and he desperately wanted to play with other children.

GottaLoveChocolate · 05/09/2021 22:16

No. But but what happens if he reacts the same to going to school?

icedcoffees · 05/09/2021 22:17

[quote RedMarauder]@icedcoffees the parents don't have to be middle class to do that.[/quote]
Yeah, I do know that lol.

My point is that you generally have to have spare money to do lots of outings, whereas if you struggle for spare cash but get the free nursery hours, you'd use them rather than go on days out to paying places if that makes sense.

Pumperthepumper · 05/09/2021 22:17

@GottaLoveChocolate

No. But but what happens if he reacts the same to going to school?
But he could anyway. It’s not a given that they’ll skip into school after pre-school.
LuluJakey1 · 05/09/2021 22:18

Our 3 have all gone to nursery for 2-3 days a week- I am at home. They have started with a couple of half days and eventually 2-3 full days. I think it has been good for them, although DD has been much less because of the pandemic. DS1 is now in Y2 and has just started Reception. DS2 (just 2Yrs) goes for 2 mornings and loves it but I like him being at home too. Next year he will go for 2 full days.
They have all really benefitted from the range of activities and the being with other people and changes to the people- it has prepared DS1 and DD for Reception.
It gives me a bit of time too- I am going to start doing some work again next September.

Mischance · 05/09/2021 22:33

For some children nursery is a benefit because their parents are unable to provide proper stimulation at home - mostly through no fault of their own. For most families where the children are living a normal environment, nursery is one option; being at home is another. Neither beats the other - they are just different.

I do not think the fact that reception teachers can tell children who have been to nursery and those who have not is of any relevance at all. Each group of children has had different life experiences and each will adapt to school in their own time and their own way; each bring different things to the table.

I do not buy in to this rush for children to pass milestones - it sets the tone for the rest of their school career - rush, rush, rush - and for what? They get to the top end of primary school and do half of it all again in their first two years of secondary. Might it not have been better for them to have had an easier time of it in primary school - to have had a childhood basically.

Kitkat151 · 05/09/2021 22:36

He will need to be ‘school ready’ for this time next year....if you can achieve that at home that’s great

readwhatiactuallysay · 05/09/2021 22:43

Of course they don't. If you are at home teaching them and spending time with them and being around other kids already, they will be fine.

If your gut is saying its too early then you can decide not to send them.
You can find research to substantiate findings either way, but honestly only you know your child.

I know kids that have been miserable in childcare for 2 years and guess what, they were still miserable getting dropped off at school,
Some love childcare and school
Some stayed at home and took to school day one
Some stay at home and hate going into school.

We sent our DS in at 3, mornings, to get him used to not being with me (as everyone kept saying !!!) But he didn't need that as he was quite ok going in on his own, he was just indifferent to the whole thing. Wish i kept him at home for another year really.
Hes due in reception tomorrow (just turned 4) so see how that goes.