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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

408 replies

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 12:28

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

OP posts:
gah2teenagers · 05/09/2021 21:54

As mentioned upthread they have probably sold it to a commuter.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 05/09/2021 21:59

Yes, I'm also quite persuaded by the theory that they've sold it on. How much does it cost per day to park in the railway car park?

PlainOldMe80 · 05/09/2021 22:04

Good on you for saying no to borrowing the parking pass again. If they knock again keep the good work up!

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 05/09/2021 22:04

Well done OP.

He gave the impression he thought it was a shared pass Grin

LizzieW1969 · 05/09/2021 22:24

I agree, very good update. Well done for finally standing up to these CFs.

ChargingBuck · 05/09/2021 22:28

@Missymisenthrope

How marvellous would it be if I had the courage to just open the door and boom ‘you shall not pass’ into their faces! Alas, I’ve been just about as brave as I can manage today. Ah well never say never!
Grin Grin Grin

You'll get there.
Accessorising will help - big jewelled staff, pointy hat, you're golden.

Atalune · 05/09/2021 22:34

Very proud of your stance there on the doorstep!

Take THAT you blank staring weasel!

You must co opt your neighbours into taking a form stance too Grin

ChargingBuck · 05/09/2021 22:37

Take THAT you blank staring weasel!

Grin Grin Grin

SirVixofVixHall · 06/09/2021 00:10

Hurrah for you OP !
I find it hard to say no to people too, so I am cheering you on and taking note.

KaptainKaveman · 06/09/2021 00:32

Well done OP you're a legend!!Grin

cakewench · 06/09/2021 00:40

So thrilled to see this outcome, well done OP!

Darbysmama · 06/09/2021 00:43

Not unreasonable. My husband is the typical “nice guy.” He would bend over backwards to do anything for anybody. Which I love about him! But it also leads to people taking advantage of his kindness. I always tell him don’t agree to something you aren’t willing to keep doing because you set a precedent. And you have to make your boundaries clear! The first time your neighbors came over to ask for your pass, and I would have said “okay, but just this once” and stuck to that. If you don’t make your boundaries known then they’re going to keep taking advantage of you. And it may be minor things, but nobody likes to feel used. Do they reciprocate the relationship? Do favors for you too? If so, then that’s one thing. If not, then that’s another thing entirely. Any relationship that isn’t reciprocal is a relationship you shouldn’t have. You’re definitely not being unreasonable. But I would also say try to work on setting better boundaries.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/09/2021 05:49

Am properly proud of you, well done!
I bet he WAS shell-shocked, hahahahahah!

Hopefully that's the end of their cheeky fuckery as far as you are concerned, at least. If you have friends in the street, I would let them know what you've done before CFs start spreading rumours that you've gone nuts, or something. Thanks

Saoirse82 · 06/09/2021 06:50

If its not affecting you by lending them it I don't see why you wouldn't, it would be no odds to me. I'd hardly call them CFs, they clearly think they've got a good relationship with you, I'd be inclined to keep it that way.

lottiegarbanzo · 06/09/2021 07:00

Of course it's affecting her. Apart from the constant intrusion and time-wasting, asking her to fetch them this or that to 'borrow' (might be welcome if you're very lonely and isolated, otherwise not), she has to go round to their house to request and chase up return of her own parking pass, when she needs to use it!

JingsMahBucket · 06/09/2021 07:03

@Saoirse82 RTFT or at least OP’s posts. We’re 10 pages in already.

@Missymisenthrope brava to you! If you figure out which neighbour they’re scamming now, I’d give that person a heads up as well. I also think there’s something to theory they may have sold their own visitor pass to a commuter.

WeBuiltThisCityOnSausageRolls · 06/09/2021 07:04

@Saoirse82

If its not affecting you by lending them it I don't see why you wouldn't, it would be no odds to me. I'd hardly call them CFs, they clearly think they've got a good relationship with you, I'd be inclined to keep it that way.
It IS affecting OP!! RTFT ...
  • she has to go round to chase them to the pass back
  • she paid for the pass not them , they haven't donated a penny and can get their own
  • she doesn't have her visitor pass available when her friends visit her and has to try to get it back . It's potentially limiting her life style and when her friends visit
  • they are knocking every weekend and disturbing her
  • they are constantly asking for food supplies from her cupboard- nor borrowing but taking as they don't replace the sugar , tea etc that they don't replace
  • constantly asking to have or 'borrow' other things which makes OP uncomfortable

Just knocking at my door every weekend for me to have to loan out my stuff would annoy me, it's so intrusive and CF

HollowTalk · 06/09/2021 08:10

You've done fantastically well! I love the blank stares!

Doomscrolling · 06/09/2021 09:06

Cheering your response, @Missymisenthrope! You were brilliant 🤩

Gilly12345 · 06/09/2021 09:25

Lending them your parking permit occasionally is one thing but on a regular basis they should buy their own BUT ‘borrowing’ sugar, milk etc is out of order, I would have to say no to that one buy saying you are low of milk and they would leave you short, now that is being a CF.

Mistlebean · 06/09/2021 09:26

Oh Missy, I'm absolutely delighted you stood up to him! Bloody well done!! You're like me, I'll get myself into some right stupid pickles because I hate confrontation so much but then regret being such a doormat!

We're all so proud of you!!!

Mistlebean · 06/09/2021 09:27

Eta it is a really big deal to stand up for yourself like this if you're naturally very averse to confrontation. My husband would have no issue whatsoever but I'm pathetic 😅

MsTSwift · 06/09/2021 09:42

Love the description of the conversation and his bafflement that you were not giving in! Good for you! Always cheering to see a CF get their come uppance!

PaulaTrilloe · 06/09/2021 09:49

Get a litre of long life milk, packet of sugar and tea bags. Place a £12 price sticker on each when they come borrowing

Buy a "oh no not YOU again!" Doormat

Post them "a round tuit" from all cheesy tourist tat shops so they have their own

Get a RING doorbell!

Shellingbynight · 06/09/2021 10:24

There isn't even any need to actually say 'no'. Just say you can't find it. And if they ask again, you still can't find it. They'll get the message and either ask someone else or - shock - get their own.

The only way they will stop asking is if you stop giving.