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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel ashamed of my behaviour this morning??

32 replies

happynappies · 03/12/2007 12:44

I fear I am - but look forward to hearing what other MN's think.

I was off shopping with my dd, and was circling around the child and parent spaces in the multi-storey car park, of which there are literally five. Instead of hanging back and waiting where I could see a couple were putting their child into the car, I carried on driving up and down the next 'row' to avoid 'blocking' the through-flow of traffic (I realise this was my mistake - I should have waited). After about ten minutes (literally) of driving around (don't know what they were doing!!!) they finally got their child into the car. I turned into the 'row' that this car was parked on, and indicated my intention to park in the space that was about to be vacated. I waited while the car reversed out, then swung forward. Then I noticed the reverse lights of a people carrier, and a woman sprang out of the passenger door and stood in the middle of the vacated seat indicated with her hands that it was 'their' spot. I hadn't seen the car until that time. I tried to go forwards, unsure of what to do, and the pepole carrier reversed further, almost hitting my car. The woman moved out of the way, and in my mind I was going to go 'inside' the car to overtake it, thoroughly hacked off but going on my way, then I madly decided that while I was overtaking it I could actually get into the space, so I did. The woman charged over to me and asked what I thought I was doing. I said I was parking, and that I had been waiting. Her dh got out of the car and they both continued to shout at me through my windown. They said they had been waiting and (shame on me!) I said, "That's life!". The woman then said I really was a bitch, looked into the back of my car at my 12 month old dd, and said "It's a shame for your kid, having you as a mother". I felt really upset but realised that it was my fault for allowing myself to get into the situation in the first place. Now I just feel ashamed of myself. I don't want my dd to see me as her role model behaving in this way. I'm sure becoming a parent has driven me mad!!

OP posts:

southeastastra · 03/12/2007 12:45

well at least you got the space

Brandnewchristmaspyjamasgirl · 03/12/2007 12:47

You sound really shook up by it all and TBH the woman who shouted at you sounds like a bitch of the highest kind.
Dont worry about it we all make mistakes and she had no right to go off at you.
Your daughter seems very lucky to have a mother like you and not a screaming harpie like the woman you encountered today.
xxx

Peachy · 03/12/2007 12:48

Well I think you ere a bit naughty- tut tut- but she completely over reacted as well, swearing at you and shouting. I'd fell less bad had she just taken it on the chin and looked disappointed, iyswim

nametaken · 03/12/2007 12:48

Oh happynappies we all do thing we regret now and then. Just try to put the whole horrid episode behind you. Be extra specially nice to a stranger for no reason and that will cancel it out.

DD won't remember anything about it.

Nedmum · 03/12/2007 12:49

Why do you feel ashamed? The only way to keep a parking space is to park a car in it, not to stand flapping in it. Otherwise we'd all be at it, and there would be carnage. And to say that to your bub is unforgiveable. Did they actually have kids in their car?

CarmenerryChristmas · 03/12/2007 12:50

I think that you actually behaved pretty badly but that at least you didn't enter into a screaming match. You are right, you should want your dd to grow up knowing that her mum is a considerate driver. Don't beat yourself up about it, just don't do it again.

Baffy · 03/12/2007 12:52

Oh, you were perhaps a bit naughty taking the space once you realised they were waiting. They obviously had no idea how long you had been driving round for.

But to get out of their car and scream and shout at you in front of children! That is totally totally out of order. People like that make me so

My ds is 2 and I know he would be badly affected if something like that happened. I very rarely shout and he's a sensitive little soul who gets completely inconsoleable (sp?) if he hears people shouting like that. They were far more in the wrong - IMO.

VictorianSqualor · 03/12/2007 12:53

She was the one out of order, it's a parking space ffs, no need to get all aggressive over it. Maybe you taking the space once you realised they too were waiting was slightly wrong, but she took away any of that the minute she beome so rude.
As for her husband, I'm even more shocked, my DP would almost never shout at a woman, especially not over a parking space, it would probably take an attack on me or the kids for him to hurl abuse at someone.
As brandnewchristmaspyjamasgirl (wowser long name!!) said, your DD is lucky to have a mother like you that doesn't start screeching like a banshee across a carpark.
How old were their children?I assume they were in the car witnessing this if they were parking in P&C.

Blu · 03/12/2007 12:57

Ooops!
The day is filled with people who on the spur of the moment lose all sense of proportion and get furious and competitive with strangers.

You both behaved badly, both having a bad moment..you know this didn't make you proud of yourself, so program 'is this really worth it?' into your brain and play to yourself next time parking-space-rage starts to brew!

I have embarrassed myself many a time, screeching like a fish-wife out of my window - when I was as bad as the other party.

joyfulspike · 03/12/2007 12:58

I agree with all the others, yes you were a bit naughty pinching the space once you realised they were waiting for it, but for not 1 but both parents to get out and yell at you is disgusting. I know parking is frustrating at this time of year, but even so, that doesn't justify their behaviour. Who knows once they calmed down, perhaps they'll feel ashamed of ganging up on you.

Bouncingturtle · 03/12/2007 12:58

You acted correctly - that harridan who swore at you and her dd should be ashamed of herself. Bet she wouldn't have done it if your dp had been in the car!

OrmIrian · 03/12/2007 12:59

No YANBU.

However it was only a parking space and the other couple also need to retain a sense of perspective.

Another reason to abolish P&T spaces. They cause road rage!

oregonianabroad · 03/12/2007 13:03

This is exactly the sort of heartwarming scene that keeps me well out of the shops at this time of year. Seems to have been one of those things that just gets out of hand, I wouldn't waste your evergy feeling ashamed about it!

dustyroad · 03/12/2007 13:04

Well if there were two adults they probably didnt need the space as much anyway - unless there were 4 or 5 young children in the back of that people carrier in which case maybe you were a bit unreasonable. But its done now, so no point staying upset over it. Just be glad your car was still in one piece when you got back to it - have known worse things to happen.

Blu · 03/12/2007 13:10

From the opther people's pov, they were waiting byond the parking space, ready to reverse in, and had no idea that HN was also wating. Once the car moved out, it became clear that HN was also waiting, and from the other car's pov, because they were the other side of the space, they thought they had been there first. So woman jumped out to stop hn geting in. HN then rushed in anyway, in the middle of their manouevering - and when they said thay had been waiting, hn said 'that's life' - not 'sorry - i was waiting, too'.

So I can understand why the other people were furious, and i can understand why HN was deeply frustrated. But not why everyone has to support her by slagging off the other car when it was a 'six on one' situation!

And I'm sure HN knows she was half of what went on! All an unfortunate misunderstanding and mix of frustration.

StarofBethleCam · 03/12/2007 13:13

Ah but Blu, we've seen it all before

Emprexia · 03/12/2007 13:13

As far as i'm concerned, if you've driven passed a space, its no longer yours.

If you want a space, you wait infront of it with your indicator on. If they were doing neither, tough on them.

funnypeculiar · 03/12/2007 13:18

OK, so, you both got a bit of mad Christmas-rush fever and acted in a way that wasn't very grown-up.

The sensible thing to do now is never, ever try and park in a P&T space again.

There are about 6 in our local carpark. I don't even go onto that floor anymore, simply to avoid the mad P&T dash. Me and the dcs proceed directly to the top floor, and park where there's loads of space & we have a lovely long ride in the lift

VictorianSqualor · 03/12/2007 13:19

Blu, she maybe shouldnt have takne the space, or been rude herself with the 'that's life' comment, but two grown adults shouting abuse is not excusable, the other cars reaction changed the situation.
If the other car had not been abusive then I'm sure people would be posting differently!

RudolphtheBluenosesaintdeer · 03/12/2007 13:32

I've gotta go Xmas shopping next week ...fancy coming with me, i'm such a wimp

Chalk it down to experience and don't lose any sleep over it ...naughty girl

tori32 · 03/12/2007 13:35

YABU to feel ashamed, you had been waiting longer for the space. How many kids did they have? I suppose for me it would boil down to that. If she had more than 1 little one and you only had 1 child I would say it was bad spirit to take it. If it was equal then your space fair and square.

yurt1 · 03/12/2007 13:35

Why on earth wait for a P+T space- just park anywhere if they're taken and save yourself the hassle. They're really not worth the aggro.

Blu · 03/12/2007 13:36

Kaishay - waiting on the far side of the space, with your indicator on, ready to reverse in is acceptable, imo.

But there you are - we would be arguing in a car park!

See how easily it all kicks off once someone feels all high and mighty and entitled?

I'll leave everyone to squabble over this now theoretcial space!

RudolphtheBluenosesaintdeer · 03/12/2007 13:38

Ahhh the etiquette of parking spaces ....

Emprexia · 03/12/2007 13:39

Blu - lol, i always need to get the buggy out of the boot, so why would i want to reverse into a P&T space?

Dont mind waiting on far side with no kids in cars.
Yes, i'm weird, i know.

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