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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a thread about lovely MIL's?

119 replies

MeredithGreyishblue · 04/09/2021 11:48

They get slammed continually on here.

I'm sure some aren't pleasant but mine is LOVELY!

She's just called me, seconds after a parcel arrived. "It's from me. I read it and thought you'd like it too!" And it looks like I will!

She never oversteps. She never judges. She is incredible with the children. She's stepped in to help out when we needed her. She is fun, kind, warm and clever.

Anyone else feel really lucky to have gained a fabulous woman in their life?

OP posts:
Crowtooyo · 04/09/2021 11:52

Thanks for starting this! I always hate seeing MIL's bashed on here. It's always MIL's on the dad's side of the family too. Newsflash... if you have a son then you may be a MIL one day too!

They are all just mum's trying to do their best. My mum is a MIL and a fantastic one at that. She's great with her grandchild and I'd hate to think of my SIL bashing her on here.

RiversideAnne · 04/09/2021 11:59

I absolutely adore mine! She’s so kind and thoughtful, generous to a fault, supportive and interesting and funny. She’s the most amazing, loving grandmother to my son. I love her to pieces.

Positive21 · 04/09/2021 12:01

Yes 100% I adore my MIL. I lived with OH's parents for 6 years and we get on so well, I am incredibly lucky. We are very similar and I always stop off for a catch up. She says I'm not her daughter in law, I'm her daughter which is so special as I've had a wobble recently so she is sweet to reassure me 🥰

Bobmonkfish · 04/09/2021 12:03

Mine is bonkers, but lovely. Never judged me. Always bringing us a very random array of very kindly meant, sometimes useful things. My only criticism is that she could praise her sons for doing completely normal parent things slightly less...

ShrimpingViolet · 04/09/2021 12:07

I sadly lost my MIL three months ago, very suddenly. She was wonderful - thoughtful, kind, funny, supportive, an amazing nanny to our DD and always had a project on the go.

I miss her every day.

Merryoldgoat · 04/09/2021 12:08

I have one too. She is a superb grandmother and mother in law.

She is a pleasure to spend time with, we socialise on our own, I’m beyond lucky to have her.

I think it helped that we both really liked each other personally so we have a nice time together and see each other independently of my DH and DC.

minipie · 04/09/2021 12:08

Mine is fab. She makes all the DCs’ birthday cakes thus saving me a job I hate. She very much doesn’t judge, or if she does, she keeps it to herself! She is scrupulously fair between grandchildren - although does more for BIL because he’s much more the sort to ask than we are Hmm. She is happy to get up early with the DC and give us a lie in. She’s full of energy and fits a lot into her life (pre covid anyway) which I admire.

Merryoldgoat · 04/09/2021 12:08

@ShrimpingViolet

Flowers
Babyghirl · 04/09/2021 12:09

@Meredithgreyishblue
I love my mother in law and she a great granny and when and if I have one she will be amazing 4 miscarriages so hoping it happens, she kind considered and Mrs brown rolled in to one 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 hate seeing mil getting a bashing on here when all they want to do is help out

turnthebiglightoff · 04/09/2021 12:09

Mine is wonderful. Warm, kind, never oversteps but always gives great advice. I love her lots, and her son is pretty great too :-)

takehomepay · 04/09/2021 12:10

@Crowtooyo

Thanks for starting this! I always hate seeing MIL's bashed on here. It's always MIL's on the dad's side of the family too. Newsflash... if you have a son then you may be a MIL one day too!

They are all just mum's trying to do their best. My mum is a MIL and a fantastic one at that. She's great with her grandchild and I'd hate to think of my SIL bashing her on here.

All of them?! You really don’t know this.

There are plenty of threads where the OP is having trouble with their own mum.

Lovely to have a thread about lovely MILs but not lovely to discount other people’s experience of their own MIL by saying they’re ‘ALL mums trying to do their best’.

Original poster
MeredithGreyishblue · 04/09/2021 12:12

@ShrimpingViolet

I sadly lost my MIL three months ago, very suddenly. She was wonderful - thoughtful, kind, funny, supportive, an amazing nanny to our DD and always had a project on the go.

I miss her every day.

I'm sorry. She sounds wonderful! Flowers
OP posts:
Tlollj · 04/09/2021 12:12

Well I’m fantastic obviously.
Mine was a fucking old trout. I’m so determined not to be like her. Touch wood my son in law and both daughters in law are fab and we have a great relationship.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 04/09/2021 12:13

Mine's absolutely fantastic, looks after my kids 5 days a week so I'm worried about overstepping by taking more time at the weekend but loves to see them (and us!) whenever she can.

Wilkolampshade · 04/09/2021 12:13

I thought mine was awful until far too late really. She was a deeply practical person, and generous too, for example, as she lived some distance away she volunteered, as she couldn't help practically, to help pay nursery fees. She was very different to me, and very different to my children but loved them fiercely and non-judgementally.
She was clever, funny and spirited and taught me to not be such a judgy twat about other people.
She died a few years ago and I still miss her. Sad

saraclara · 04/09/2021 12:17

My MIL taught me everything I know about how to be a mother and grandmother. Not consciously, but just by being one of the most wonderful people I've ever known.

I haven't always been the perfect DIL, but she never once showed me anything other than warmth and acceptance. The day she hugged me goodbye, and told me that she loved me (the word wasn't bandied about in the family at all, despite them all being exceptionally loving) was so precious to me.

She is now just a shell. Dementia has completely destroyed her brain, which is now only capable of keeping her body alive. But I still sit next to her and feel loved. I wish she'd been my mum.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 04/09/2021 12:22

May I join but with FIL? Sadly MIL had passed away before I joined their family. From the very first introduction 16 years ago FIL treated me with generosity and kindness. He is a very dignified man, gentle, intelligent, and fervently wishes the very best for us.
As I did not grow up with a father I am eternally grateful to have this man in my life, and to feel loved and supported by him.
Thank you OP - it is good to reflect a moment on what is good.

Crunchymum · 04/09/2021 12:23

My MIL is phenomenal.

On a personal level we get along, enjoy each others company and spend time together as friends. I respect her immensely and I trust her judgement.

On a practical level she provides childcare (started when we were not in a position to afford formal childcare and had carried on a few days a week here and there) but she has always been super involved in all the kids lives and they utterly adore her. She is a retired nurse and she is always my first port of call if the kids are poorly. She has also been a huge support with DC3 who is disabled. She never interferes, oversteps or pushes things. It sometimes feels very one sided, in that I get all the benefits of her support and kindness but we have a very frank and honest relationship and I'm confident she'd tell me the childcare arrangements become too much.

As an actual MIL she is grand, never gets involved with me and DP's relationship and never has. Never offers opinions (unless asked, but it's aways my side she takes!!)

I lost my mum almost a year ago and it was the most difficult thing I've ever lived through but the thought of my MIL ever not being here is terrifying. I adore her.

I couldn't wish for a better woman in my life.
.

NC13 · 04/09/2021 12:26

My MIL might genuinely have saved my life. I don't think she knows that. She's a wonderful person.

GreatEelRun · 04/09/2021 12:28

My mum was a great MIL to my SIL. She always helped her out with the DC, never said a bad word about her and my SIL had a lot of issues. When my mum died my SIL was devastated and she used to come to our house and spook us out by saying she could feel my mums presence in the house, like she was a medium.

My son has a GF and I have found myself treating her like my mums very good example, which I am glad of. My own MIL was actually cruel to me and that is not a word I use often. I say “was” not because she is gone, but because I have very little do to with her, which I’m her older years and her ailing health, is her loss.

I’ve had two very good examples of how to act and how not to.

TractorAndHeadphones · 04/09/2021 12:29

Not my MIL (yet!) but DP’s mother. Wonderful woman, always welcomes me into house, got me included in a wedding the family had been invited too.
His family’s lovely, I’m so lucky

PinkPlantCase · 04/09/2021 12:30

I have more in common with my own MIL than my DM 😂

As with PP I really respect her opinion and trust her judgement particularly with all things baby/child related.

She is also an amazing cook!

purplerainboww · 04/09/2021 12:32

I absolutely love my MIL! My own DM died when I was 13, we have a mother/daughter relationship I've always craved, she is the kindest most generous person I know, is amazing with my DCs, never interferes or oversteps, I'm proud to call her my friend as well as my MIL Smile

Somethingsnappy · 04/09/2021 12:32

Oh yes, I love my MIL. We have had our differences occasionally over the years, but it has never interfered with out great relationship. She can get on my nerves occasionally as we are both very strong, opinionated women, so we clash sometimes of course, but overall I really love and admire her. My kids love her and we all really look forward to visiting them.

Somethingsnappy · 04/09/2021 12:33

P. S. Mine is also a fabulous cook! What's not to love Grin

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