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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To contact her sister? Urgent. Not sure what to do.

143 replies

Feltedsheep · 03/09/2021 21:05

Im looking for some advice and it’s quite a specific situation.
I made friends with someone online a couple of years ago, through a mutual support group. We stayed in contact outside of the group and we’ve spoken on the phone and message most days - although we’ve never met and live several hours apart. I count her as a friend but I don’t have any real insight into her life because of the distance. I know her, but I don’t really know her. I feel like we’ve been penpals (email pals?) and our situations have been very similar at times.

However she has gradually become more and more depressed over recent months and has made comments about taking her own life - but it’s hard to judge the tone and how serious she is. If she’s venting or means it.
But I am worried tonight. She’s messaged to say her partner isn’t there and her kids are at her parents’ and she’s asked me to take care of myself and told me it’ll all be alright as well as some stuff about it not mattering when we die if we’ve ever been alive and she’s going to do what she needs to for her children.
It’s not totally out of character but I’m concerned she’s on her own. I have her sister’s name and could contact via fb but I doubt her sister even knows I exist and I don’t want to make things worse or cause trouble. On the other hand I am worried.

I don’t know what to do. It feels like meddling and I’m in a weird situation where I know some things about her but having never met her I don’t know her family or friends or day to day life.
Do I message her sister? Do I leave it? I’ve asked outright if she’s planning on harming herself and she’s said no but then she would say that. She’s told me not to worry and that she’s having an early night.

I don’t want to make things worse for her... but what if she harms herself?

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/09/2021 06:12

@memberofthewedding

I would not interfere.

I strongly believe that when people make a decision to end their lives then they should be allowed to do so without inteference from others.

A small minority of people, perhaps. However, this is an awful view.

I’m in so much pain through disability and chronic illness. I suffer weekly physio and other treatments, I have had a series of major surgeries. Perhaps one day I may be in this position. If I ever take the decision, it will be entirely different from mental illness. Mental illness can be alleviated. I am doing all I can to alleviate my very real pain and live in the prison my life has become. One day that may not be enough.

Hydrate · 04/09/2021 07:11

You did the right thing.

HandScreen · 04/09/2021 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MrsRockAndRoll · 04/09/2021 07:31

Just read your thread. You did the right thing. Did you call the police too?

3Br1tnee · 04/09/2021 07:33

@HandScreen

I don't think that message to the sister was any good. It downplays the situation significantly. Reading that, I would think my sister was prob upset about something and had a bit of a cry, not that she was saying some very red flag things and considering taking her life. You need to do better here, OP.

Wtaf

ilovesooty · 04/09/2021 07:43

@HandScreen

Well that's hardly supportive of the OP who's in a dreadful situation.

You should feel ashamed of posting that.

MissMarpleRocks · 04/09/2021 07:56

Op you did absolutely the right thing. If that was my sibling I’d know by your message that something wasn’t right & would go over. I don’t agree with HandScreen

Stavros

RoseStar · 04/09/2021 07:56

You did the right thing op. Has the sister come back to you? It would be good if you can establish the extent to which she may or may not be aware of what’s happening

RoseStar · 04/09/2021 07:57

Agree with @MissMarpleRocks , no one contacts you out of the blue without real concern

MumofSpud · 04/09/2021 08:26

@HandScreen

LowlyTheWorm · 04/09/2021 08:28

@Feltedsheep any update on how your friend is today? What a worry for you.

madmumofteens · 04/09/2021 08:31

I hope you're ok OP you absolutely did the right thing in contacting her sister 💐 I hope your friend gets the help she needs

lunar1 · 04/09/2021 08:47

You did the right thing, I hope all is well.

astoundedgoat · 04/09/2021 09:18

Contacting the sister was definitely the right thing.

Sodtbisforsold · 04/09/2021 09:19

@memberofthewedding
Excluding the terminally ill ,suffering with horrible diseases…
No one is better off dead.
Suicide attempts are usually acts of desperation when emotional suffering exceeds hope .
Nearly always temporary.
I’ve tried to kill myself in 4 occasions. I’m so glad I survived.
My beautiful , talented daughter got all messed up and mixed up at 15 and took an overdose. She’s a stunning and successful 20 year old now.
I could go on.
Unless they’re in pain and at deaths door anyway ( in which case I might risk helping them) I’d never let anyone go, there is always hope.

Absc · 04/09/2021 10:18

You did the right thing re police if you have the name they can find the details for a welfare check.

Years ago a friend who lived five hours away asked me what meds would work to end life. I rang the police and couldn’t remember her address off hand. She ended up being sectioned for her safely. She didn’t talk to me for six months but years on she’s so glad I did that to save her life.

VenusTiger · 04/09/2021 17:12

@Absc

You did the right thing re police if you have the name they can find the details for a welfare check.

The OP didn't contact the police.

LaikO · 04/09/2021 17:20

You did the right thing, I hope she (and you) are feeling better today, OP.

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