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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to never let my daughter have a drink again?

130 replies

Lauraloveshimback · 03/09/2021 14:21

Yes I know IABU. I posted this in the Health section but have had no replies. Now posting here for traffic. My daughter is 8 1/2 and still wets herself on a night so has to wear pull ups. We have tried everything - no water after 6pm, regular toilet visits, wake up at 10pm to go and wake her up early morning to go - and a mixture of these together. I have tried the alarm but she doesn’t like the feel of it. She does not wet herself in the day. I have been to see a doctor but her advice was just to persevere. Does anyone have any advice? I would be so grateful. Thank you in advance

OP posts:
Kales29 · 03/09/2021 16:30

I read somewhere that it's not good to wake them for a wee as it's not teaching their bladder how to hold it but I may be totally wrong. I would speak to the gp again. They are good at fobbing people off at the minute though... but rest assured she will outgrow this! My sister was very much the same until 8-9. Then it was fine! You wouldn't know now!

Frazzledbutcalm · 03/09/2021 16:32

My dd was the same as yours … nothing worked - we literally tried everything. When she was about 11 she was dx with an overactive bladder, given Oxybutynin … worked wonders! Definitely go back to your GP and ask for referral or for medication directly (not sure if GP can prescribe or not).

OnceBitten25 · 03/09/2021 16:33

See if you can get a referral through school nursing to their continence service. They can suggest lots of things that may help. You might get seen faster than going via GP route depending on their caseload

Sheerheight · 03/09/2021 16:36

I was told by the HV that at least one child per class would still be not dry at night at 11.. so it is v common.

Recessed · 03/09/2021 16:36

I was a late bed wetter, I can't recall exactly but I'd say it fully stopped around 11/12. It didn't happen very regularly or anything but enough for it to be a pain for my mother no doubt! I was a bit of an anxious child, a worrier. I put it down to that. It often happened when staying at other people's houses so I assume again that was anxiety. How's your DDs temperament? Is she a sensitive child?

Lunariagal · 03/09/2021 16:41

My son had primary nocturnal eneuesis until he was 11. In his case, his brain tells his bladder it is full when it is not. We eventually sorted this out over the summer holidays just before high school, using a Rodger bedwetting alarm.

I would reiterate going to your gp and being referred to the paediatric continence service.

Eric.org has some fantastic resources.

ExtraOnions · 03/09/2021 16:44

Go back to the doctor, and get a referral to paediatric clinic.

My daughter was the same, we managed to get her referred when she was 7. Her body was not producing the right hormone, so she was put onto Desmopressin - what a life changer that was ! She was about 12 before she came off it.
She also had issues in the day, and was on Oxybutinin for that … she used to get a lot of water infection as well - turned out there was an issue with the tube that goes between the kindneys & bladder (that’s sorted itself out now.

I was a bedwetter … it was awful … wish my parents had taken me to the Dr, and I was given a tablet to stop it happening

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/09/2021 16:44

It’s really common ! And will pass
Hang tight

ICantFindTheBuffet · 03/09/2021 16:46

I wet the bed up to a similar age. My parents gave me 'medicine' (which was actually just juice!) and I stopped!! Seems unbelievable but the placebo effect obviously worked on whatever issue was causing it for me. Worth a try.

Dalooah · 03/09/2021 16:46

Honestly, feel your pain. I'd ride through it and go back to pressure free techniques that work when potty training younger children. Do pull ups or something (they do make them in large sizes!) so at least she's dry at night and hopefully can get to sleep. Maybe if there's less anxiety around it, things might improve as her hormones change? Take the pressure off yourself and her. Obvi, assuming there's no underlying medical issues.

Nutmallow · 03/09/2021 16:48

@Lauraloveshimback

What worked for us was upping liquids earlier in the day so that the bladder is used to being fuller. Bottle of water taken to school. Double wee before bedtime. No lifting during the night as advised this is a bad habit.

Wineiscooling · 03/09/2021 16:48

My son was 13. He was given desmopressin melts to take each evening which is basically mimicking the hormone that stops /reduces urine being produced at night. This hormone doesn't always kick in for everyone at an early age. Nothing else worked for him we did alarms, waking him up, reducing fluids etc etc. The first night he took desmopressin the bedwetting stopped. It was such a relief as he was 10 by then and getting distressed and wanting sleep overs. We have only just been able to stop the desmopressin about 2 months a go and have had just one accident so I'm really hoping it's kicked in naturally now. Go back to GP and ask for referral to paediatric continent services. This problem is surprisingly common .

Howareyouflower · 03/09/2021 17:05

I don't know if this applies to your little girl, but sometimes people train their children to wee in their sleep by getting them up to use the loo and not making sure they are absolutely wide awake. You have tried all these things and nothing has worked. Perhaps it's time to accept the problem, keep using the pull ups, stop restricting drinks (stronger urine might irritate her and cause her to wee), stop waking her and tell her that you're sure that she will start to wake for the loo now she's older but that if it takes time for that to start happening, it's ok, lots of children have the same problem. Take the pressure off all of you.

NoNever · 03/09/2021 17:07

I advise you to let her wear pullups to bed and if they leak invest in some waterproof pads that go on top of the sheets to reduce laundry.

Do NOT reduce her liquids, shame her, tell her she needs to try harder, or make a fuss about clean up.

This really isn’t all that unusual.

ClemDanFango · 03/09/2021 17:12

Ask for Desmoperessin it’s the only thing that helped my son.

ittakes2 · 03/09/2021 17:13

Have you looked into whether she is hypermobile? People are unaware that hypermobility means the muscles are not as strong as other people's and this problem can affect anywhere in the body there are muscles. Its very common for bowels and bladder works to be affected. She can feel the urge during the day but not when she is asleep.

ittakes2 · 03/09/2021 17:15

also maybe try modibodi as they are washable period pants and also do incontinence pants. I bought a pair for an 8 year old so they do do small sizes.

ElephantOfRisk · 03/09/2021 17:16

@ittakes2

Have you looked into whether she is hypermobile? People are unaware that hypermobility means the muscles are not as strong as other people's and this problem can affect anywhere in the body there are muscles. Its very common for bowels and bladder works to be affected. She can feel the urge during the day but not when she is asleep.
Oh that makes so much sense but I never realised that was a factor in DS2s night continence issues. He is dyspraxic with hypermobility!
lillylemons · 03/09/2021 17:17

my sister was wetting the bed until she was 12 it was the alarm that eventually worked for her.

Knickerthief1 · 03/09/2021 17:20

Drink more! Lots and lots of fluids to increase the size of the bladder. Works well.Not blackcurrant though.

Flipflopblowout · 03/09/2021 17:22

You say that she is wetting herself between 11pm and 6am, why are you not getting up in the middle of the night and taking her to the toilet?

Wriggleon · 03/09/2021 17:24

Why is this such a big deal for you? Double make the bed so there is clean dry sheets there and move bath to the morning. If it is upsetting your daughter maybe look at medication otherwise its not that big a problem, I say this as a full time working single parent whose dc wet the bed until nearly 10.

ForensicFlossy · 03/09/2021 17:25

Please be gentle with her. Please be kind. I was that child and it's awful. My dp were wonderful about it but I still remember feeling ashamed.

If she dislikes the alarm, don't use it. The pressure is awful. She will grow out of it. Please be patient with her.

altiara · 03/09/2021 17:28

My GP prescribed my DS tablets when he was about 10. He was on them about 6 months and by then the hormone he needed had kicked in.

SheWoreYellow · 03/09/2021 17:29

@Flipflopblowout

You say that she is wetting herself between 11pm and 6am, why are you not getting up in the middle of the night and taking her to the toilet?
Because if you do that it makes it worse. You can end up with two incidents per night.
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