AIBU to never let my daughter have a drink again?

[Lauraloveshimback]

Yes I know IABU. I posted this in the Health section but have had no replies. Now posting here for traffic. My daughter is 8 1/2 and still wets herself on a night so has to wear pull ups. We have tried everything - no water after 6pm, regular toilet visits, wake up at 10pm to go and wake her up early morning to go - and a mixture of these together. I have tried the alarm but she doesn’t like the feel of it. She does not wet herself in the day. I have been to see a doctor but her advice was just to persevere. Does anyone have any advice? I would be so grateful. Thank you in advance

No advice.. I peed the bed til I was about 10 or 11.
I have IBS but I'm not sure if that was the reason why.

One day it just stopped

@QueenHofScotland yes he was consistently wet, if we forgot the meds for one night he would wet the bed. He was an incredibly heavy sleeper. A couple of months ago I bumped into him on the landing in the middle of the night and I screeched, he hadn't done that in the 10 years he'd been on the planet lol (except when a hungry baby!) he did go through a stage of wetting the bed once a week a couple of months after we stopped the meds for a few weeks, but he hasn't done it for a while. I wouldn't be concerned if he still had the odd accident as I gather for various reasons it can just sometimes happen, they're still developing.

One of my DSs grew out of it at about age 8 the other was still wetting at 10. We used the alarm, i would put a pant pad into his undies and cut a slit to pop the sensor inside - it picks up the first few drops of urine so wakes them up to go to the toilet, honestly it only took a couple of weeks but he was definitely "ready" I think. We also stopped squash, particularly citrus flavour as it seems to cause more peeing. I didn't stop any drinks in the evening but just limited to milk or water.

My son was like this until about 10, he would be very deeply asleep and simply not wake up. Nothing worked for him either-he just one day stopped doing it.
My daughter is now 9, used to sleep walk round the house looking for the toilet in the early hours and would end up just weeing in random places…that only stopped about a year ago. My eldest Dd is the only one who became dry at night ‘normally’ and at a ‘normal’ age, so try not to worry too much.

I remember reading on a thread on here to really up fluid intake in the first part of the day (up to around 3pm).

I’ve done this with DD and she is less likely to wee at night if she was well hydrated in the day (conversely to what we might imagine!)

Keep going OP! My youngest has this issue, he only became dry this year at 8 years, I threw out all the pull ups after his birthday BUT he was having more dry nights than wet and was beginning to wake up in the night to use the toilet.
We felt this was a huge leap and his body was starting to produce the hormone needed to know when his bladder is full and I was prepared to deal with washing the protective covers more often if needed.
Obviously this change didn’t happen over night but it’s been a good few months since he had an accident, he still has toileting issues but we are getting there slowly, some children just take longer.
Keep an eye on her pull ups and take notice if she does start using the bathroom at night, that will be a good sign to look out for.

My advice is to let go.

She isn’t going to need nappies when she is 12yo and in secondary school.
Many children need pull ups u til they are in Y6. Dc2 did. And slowly he stopped wetting himself. All on his own because his body was finally ready for it.
I think the insistence of having children who are dry at night etc… only put pressure on the child and isn’t either efficient or good for the self esteem of the child.

Same with my daughter up to around 11 or 12. She outgrew it too and just suddenly stopped

The ERIC charity can give lots of help and advice, they are amazing.

Btw I really think that this insistence of children needing to be dry at night is coming from the time when we didn’t have washing machines and washing bedsheets everyday was just not manageable.

That’s not where we are.
We have pull ups. We have washing machines. We have disposable bedspreads. All of those mean that actually wetting a bed isn’t that much of an issue anymore.

A child is ready when they are. Pumping them with medication, disturbing their sleep, using hormones…. Why doing all that for a few wet bedsheets?

Read Sarah Silverman's The Bedwetter.

Why doing all that for a few wet bedsheets?

Not everyone has a washing machine, a dryer (if not enough spare sets) or can afford the relevant number of service washes.

Some children feel the stigma and it can prevent them from participating in social events such as sleepovers or overnight activities.

@MrsRoyCropper

Suggest don’t wake her up for the loo as her bladder needs to recognise when it’s full. She’ll grow out of it, but in the meantime ask dr about desmopressin

Let it go. Don’t wake her up, it’s really not recommended and it’s obviously not working.

We went to the gp when my DD was 10 and got referred to the enuresis clinic. She had the alarm for a few weeks and it seemed to work - whether it was a coincidence and she would have stopped anyway is hard to tell.

What they did say at the clinic was actually drink more, but limit drinks after certain time in evening. And do not wake them up during the night!

I agree about the pressure to be dry at night etc. It’s all nonsense, children develop in their own time. Take a step back and just continue with the pull-ups. Invest in good waterproof sheets. I wholeheartedly recommend sheets by Hippychick - they were a life changer and saw us through years and years of accidents. They wash brilliantly too.

I just used the flat sheets www.hippychick.com

I read up about this as my daughter did the same. Apparently puberty is the time they should stop bedwetting as the hormones change. I let her just carry on with pull ups and then when puberty hit, the problem has resolved. I didn't want her put on medication. It is quite common. I have a friend who used to work in a boarding school at night and she said it happens all the time. My daughter last wet the bed at age 12, over a year ago now.

I was a bedwetter until 10 then just stopped overnight. I always thought I'd just decided I was too big for it, interesting to read about a hormone.

Actually, I shouldn’t have used the word accidents there - they weren’t, it was just the way it was.

@EmbarrassingAdmissions

Why doing all that for a few wet bedsheets?

Not everyone has a washing machine, a dryer (if not enough spare sets) or can afford the relevant number of service washes.

Some children feel the stigma and it can prevent them from participating in social events such as sleepovers or overnight activities.

Not everyone has a washing machine?

I think nowadays, very few people don’t have a washing machine. And that’s not the case of the OP either.
Did we need a few more bedsheets? Yes about 3, bought at Asda at bottom price. And still in use now (dc is an older teen).
Never had a tumble drier….

I've been where you are, and it sucks.

There's a hormone called ADH that you produce while you're sleeping that stops you from producing as much urine while you're asleep. Some kids don't start producing this hormone until later in childhood, some not even until puberty.

For most bedwetters, this is whats happening, and all the alarms, lifting in the night, no drinks after 6pm will make no difference whatsoever, as their bodies don't have the ability to regulate this.

My daughter didn't stop bed wetting until she was about 10 and a half, but when she stopped she just stopped. She had about 5 accidents in the 2 years after, and nothing in nearly 2 more years since then.

Keep trying the GP every year or so, I seem to remember they start looking into it a bit more seriously when they turn 9 or 10, just in case it's a bladder issue.

The most important thing is not to make her ashamed of it. Just get up, change the sheets, and back to bed.

It sucks, and at times you will feel like tearing your hair out at all the washing that needs doing but it's not her fault and it will pass at some point

Btw I think that children will feel the stigma when adults are making it so.

If a parent is spending all their time taking them to the GP, talking about the fact they are wetting the bed etc… of course the child will feel uncomfortable.
If adults, the parents of their friends also have that sort of message, of course, the friends will look at the child strangely.

My experience though is that making normal (because for some children it is) helps. Pulls up for the night if they are friends (they won’t get changed in from of the friends, no one has ever noticed dc was wearing one).
And schools are much used to deal with that.

Why would we want to stigmatise a child for something they have no control over??

The most important thing is not to make her ashamed of it. Just get up, change the sheets, and back to bed.

When dc was in that phase where he was sometimes dry, sometimes wet, we had a lasagna bed.
So layers of disposable mattress protector, bed sheet, mattress protector, bedsheet etc….
When he was waking up wet, he would strip the bedsheet, put it in pile on the floor, change pj, go back to sleep. We deal with the wet bedsheet in the am.

The aim was to make it as easy and quick as possible.

Both of mine the same til 8 or 9 and like others said, it just sort of stopped of its own accord. Well sort of. I was keeping my 9 year old daughter in pull ups as they were mostly wet in the morning right up intil the first lockdown last March. I figured it was as good a time as any to tackle it as when we werent rushing out to school and work, we'd have plenty if time to shower, change beds etc. So off came the pull ups and that was it, she was dry pretty immediately and has wet the bed only twice in the year and a half since. There are bladder and bed wetting issues within the family so I would say I'm still not 100%, always remind her to wee before sleep etc but it's such a relief. It really does take some children a really, really long time and then like a switch, it happens

Sometimes restricting fluids can be an issue as she’s not having enough. I have a 10 year old who wets/soils so know how incredibly frustrating things can get.

We don’t allow any fizzy juice except treats and always only at lunch time as it aggravates the bladder. Similar with diluting juices so he’s restricted to milk and water otherwise but I make sure he has a large amount of fluid pre 4pm. I make sure he goes to the toilet regularly during the day and school do this too. I do check how diluted his pee is (fun job!) we had a massive issue with him not getting thirsty or drinking enough so his bladder was tiny.

He wears 8-14 pull ups but doesn’t wake if he’s wet at all. He has a mattress protector pillow protectors, brolly sheets you name it. As I was sick of things smelling. Also a 10kg washing machine which is so handy for duvets. I don’t lift him, purely because I can’t as he’s too heavy and sleeps like a log. We’ve been advised against alarms at the moment. I’m not sure he’ll grow out of it but your daughter should (I did and I was late to stop) brolly sheets have material on bed wetting etc and ERIC is really helpful too. So maybe those could be some help

It is common that children who aren't dry at night stay like that until puberty. All the stress, the alarms, the routines don't help. The chemical produced by most bodies sometime in late toddlerhood just doesn't get produced until puberty.

However, we were told to encourage DS to drink a lot during the day and then ease off at night, to go to the loo often during the day and early evening to empty his bladder. One issue is too-strong bladder control. They hold it in all day then only release in deep sleep at night. Encourage her to wee during the day.

Also double make the bed: Plastic mattress protector, sheet, bed pad, new sheet, new bed pad, two duvet covers, pad on underside of duvet where it comes into contact with her body and might get wet. Then if she gets really wet in the night, just strip off top sheet, wet pads and duvet cover so you are left with dry sheet and duvet. Keep spare PJs near by. As she gets older, encourage her to help in this process and dump wet stuff in a bin bag without disturbing you unless she has to, but never to sleep in a wet bed. If she ever does, make no fuss, just tell her to jump in the shower, no argument, for a few minutes with nice smelling shower gel to freshen up before school

I think nowadays, very few people don’t have a washing machine. And that’s not the case of the OP either.
Did we need a few more bedsheets? Yes about 3, bought at Asda at bottom price. And still in use now (dc is an older teen).
Never had a tumble drier….

According to Turn2Us the figure might be greater than you think (I haven't checked their figures but it does have some overlap with people in substandard/temporary accommodation).

The analysis highlights the true scale of appliance poverty in the UK, with at least:
…
1.9 million people living without a washing machine (1 in 20)

While the national scale is staggering, certain demographics are considerably more affected than others, such as private renters, the self-employed, single adults and households on incomes below £10,000. Some regions are also worse off, including people living in London, the West Midlands, the North East and Yorkshire & the Humber.

www.turn2us.org.uk/About-Us/Media-Centre/Press-releases-and-comments/Millions-across-the-UK-are-living-without-househol

I should think there are households in the North of England, Scotland, or other places where it can be difficult to dry laundry in a timely manner. Likewise people living in housing with a condensation problem where it is unwise to add to the humidity or problem by drying sheets on radiators.

A fair number of households have members with asthma, COPD or other conditions for which tumbledryers can be helpful if they are to avoid pollen or other triggers.

I still wet the bed till I was 11 ☺️. I remember I used to be a very deep sleeper and can remember, I just thought in my dream I was on the toilet and I wasn’t. I grew out of it soon after.