Fake friend?

[JML001]

I have a work colleague who asks to meet for coffee and lunch a lot. The problem is she makes other dates, nights out and lunches and coffees with others and never ever invites me.
I invite her to everything I organise and would never dream of leaving her out, even if it's with my work colleagues that she doesn't know.

I find it kinda fake that she seems to keep me at arms length. For example on Friday I had lunch with her, asked her if she had any plans for the weekend....she said no. Fast forward to Saturday morning and a colleague had posted photos of them all having after work drinks on the Friday night, which were swiftly taken down.

Just looking for advice on how to distance myself from her without any conflict....I have enough friends, I was only trying to be kind by involving her?

If you're not happy then you don't have to see her but I'm not sure why you think she should invite you to everything? She can see other people without inviting you if she likes.

If you like her well enough I'd keep the lunch dates but nothing else and call her out on her socialising with others. Nothing more than 'Did you have a nice time with X?'.

I’m not sure why it’s a issue why do you need to invite her to everything and vice versa ?. If I went out with work friends I wouldn’t invite other friends and I wouldn’t expect to be invited to everything my friends went to . Adults can have other friends.
It’s a bit weird that she said no plans but did but maybe she feels she has to hide it because you want to be invited . Just enjoy your catch ups with this friend and do other things with other friends .

Maybe she doesn't want to hang out with you all the time and wants separate time with different friends. I'd feel a bit suffocated in this situation if I were her I think.

Just to clarify I dont feel that I need to be invited to everything, just find it weird that she would lie and say shes nothing on, then take down the photos of a few drinks after work. It's the secretive nature I dont get. Lots of people do lots with and without me, I would never dream about lying and covering up that I'd been somewhere to her. Just different types of people I suppose.

Maybe ask her why then and stop inviting her to everything.

I'm like this because I prefer one to one settings. I'm sociable when with one person. But genuinely don't do well in groups, I withdraw into myself and become very quiet. Don't know why, just happens.nperhaps your friendnis the same?

You've given the impression that you think she should invite you when she sees other people so maybe this is why she doesn't tell you.

Do the same as her, stop inviting her to group events.
If you don't want to meet her for coffee just say oh I'm busy this coming week.
I understand what you are saying.

I have never mixed friendship groups and it would never occur to me to do so.

Well, shes getting a power kick so take it away. Keep meeting her but drop ypur invites and cultivate your life so if she fell out of it then its a small piece of the puzzle

I may be a bit harsh here; but: maybe she has sensed that you are inviting her just because you wish to be kind to her, and finds that 'fake' in a sense, or patronizing.

Alternatively, she may find it more friendly to meet one-to-one than in groups.Perhaps you could meet one-to-one occasionally, but stop inviting her to group meetings.

The one thing that may be a bit 'fake' is posting meetings on social media, having said that she wasn't doing anything over the week. But it may be that she was invited at the last minute by someone else.

In any case, it doesn't seem that you're very close, and both of you have other friends, so basically, keep in touch at some level if you feel you're gaining anything from it; otherwise don't.

I would personally stop going to coffees and lunches etc with her and hope she gets the message!

As someone says it’s fine to have other groups of friends but it does look like she’s more into covering her back when she goed out with others, eg being a bit sly.

I dont feel I am being fake by including someone but I do think I cant really sit and have a coffee or lunch with someone if I feel they're being careful about what they're saying or not being honest if they have plans. For me it's no big deal to go and do anything with anyone, just dont understand the covering up and lying.