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Original poster

Discovered (by accident) BIL is bankrupt. Do I tell SIL?

487 replies

PoppyWoods · 02/09/2021 20:08

Part of my job is to check the insolvency register. It's a public register, freely accessible to all.

I put in various names, mine, my parents, my sisters and brothers, not expecting to find anything. Anyway to my horror I discovered my BIL was declared bankrupt 3 months ago. It's definitely him as it lists full name, address and dob.

My SIL has never mentioned it. We're fairly close and she's disclosed very personal things to me in the past, so I'm wondering if she even knows. Is it even possible that he could go through the process and her be totally unaware?

My dilemma is, do I tell her or not? What if she doesn't know? What if she does know and she's so mortified she hasn't told anyone? What if she accuses me of snooping and interfering?

I honestly don't know what I do with this information (if anything). Appreciate your thoughts

OP posts:
DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 02/09/2021 21:46

@Dontfuckingsaycheese

Did you snoop accidentally look up family members at work, in work time or on work equipment? If that were the case surely there is a checkable trail. Should you be found accessing random stuff in their name as it were surely your work would have a problem with this??
I work in a job highly regulated fir data protection due to the sensitivity of the info we are party to. Any breach is likely to result in disciplinary action abd dismissal. However information freely accessible in the public domain is not covered by data protection legislation. Not sure how many times this needs to be said.
DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 02/09/2021 21:47

@Feedingthebirds1

I put in various names, mine, my parents, my sisters and brothers, not expecting to find anything.

If you didn't expect to find anything, why did you bother looking? Or were you hoping to find something juicy?

Because humans are curious. She knew what she'd find on herself and still checked.
DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 02/09/2021 21:48

*She may not know 😔 I didn’t.

I was blissfully unaware and 9mths pregnant before everything was ripped away including my home.

Speak to him, explain it’s your job and ask him if she knows and if there’s anything you can do to help. At least if she doesn’t know it may push him to tell her*

That’s so awful @Blaaaaaaaaah, hope you’re in a better place now Thanks

Darbs76 · 02/09/2021 21:48

It’s a sackable offence to do that with the database in our work. I’d keep your nose out

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 02/09/2021 21:48

I must add though that bankruptcies are reported in our local paper.

Credenhill22 · 02/09/2021 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

CattyMcNips · 02/09/2021 21:50

Love the London Gazette for just this reason!

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 02/09/2021 21:51

Also op said nothing about checking the register at work. She may have done it at home. Maybe she has a new job, didn't realise it existed, went home and checked herself and all and sundry of her family thinking she'd get nothing.

The only work related "crime" I can imagine here is misuse of internet fir personal use. But maybe she is allowed free access to the internet, plenty of workplaces all it.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 02/09/2021 21:51

@Darbs76

It’s a sackable offence to do that with the database in our work. I’d keep your nose out
Except the slight difference that it's not a work database
Boatonthehorizon · 02/09/2021 21:53

Very snooping behaviour. Literally looking for dirt

ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 21:56

You were checking up on family members financial status I am not sure that is something you want to tell them you have done! Hi SIL I was just checking on your financial status and it appears your hubby is bankrupt.
I would leave it alone.

ThisBeTheName · 02/09/2021 21:58

@ittakes2

You were checking up on family members financial status I am not sure that is something you want to tell them you have done! Hi SIL I was just checking on your financial status and it appears your hubby is bankrupt. I would leave it alone.
Maybe there's a card for it?

"So I saw your husband is bankrupt!"

Mydogmylife · 02/09/2021 22:03

@PoppyWoods

I'm not worried about any legal ramifications, there aren't any. Icould literally look up the whole street, it's a publicly accessible register.

Also not worried about how appalled you all are, just genuinely curious as to whether this could happen without her knowledge. Would appreciate anyone in the know to advise

This update really doesn't show you in a good light at all - it's totally the sum total of fuck to do with you - keep your big neb OUT!
MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/09/2021 22:05

confidential information.
keep out, what a nosey parker

cakewitch · 02/09/2021 22:07

What the actual fuck does it even matter anyway.. butt out. None of your business.

NumberTheory · 02/09/2021 22:09

@MrsLargeEmbodied

confidential information. keep out, what a nosey parker
The very opposite of confidential information. It is intentionally public information and deliberately made available for anyone to look up.
Catlover77 · 02/09/2021 22:09

@iamyourequal

It may well be a freely available public database, but that’s not all that’s relevant here. If the OP was discovered to have used her work time and work computer to search for someone’s personal information irrelevant to her work, she could possibly get in real trouble. I have worked in a local authority before and it was part of our contract of employment that we were strictly forbidden from doing any such searches. We were told that if we were to have looked up, say the council tax band of a property we had no business reason to be looking up (including anything to do with ourselves/ own homes etc) it would lead to disciplinary action. If the OP did all this in her own time fair enough (still very nosy though), but she gives the strong impression she did it whilst working.
This! You need to keep quiet for two reasons - (a) it’s none of your business and (b) you may find yourself with a severe sanction at a disciplinary hearing
Jigsawtrain · 02/09/2021 22:10

Haven’t RTFT but what about talking to BIL, offering support and asking if SIL knows?

MyBadHabitsLeadToYou · 02/09/2021 22:11

you may find yourself with a severe sanction at a disciplinary hearing

I would very much like to hear your reasoning here, catlover

On what grounds would she face such a serious disciplinary sanction? Smile

CambsAlways · 02/09/2021 22:16

None of your business

HeartsAndClubs · 02/09/2021 22:17

I wonder how many of the people expressing their outrage here would tel someone or would want to know if the same BIL was having an affair.

Because to my mind your partner being declared bankrupt potentially without your knowledge is far, far worse.

And moral outrage here aside, if your partner had been declared bankrupt without your knowledge, wouldn’t you want to know?

Bankruptcy has huge, huge ramifications. If she doesn’t know and they are married, she is suddenly liable for half their debts. They could lose their home, he will no longer be allowed to have access to a debit card other than to withdraw cash, the list goes on.

What if she is a SAHM and he deals with all the finances and she has no idea about any of them?

What if they don’t have a joint account so she only looks at what money is in her own account?

Clearly in order for him to have been declared bankrupt he is in significant debt already, and there’s a real chance she didn’t know about that either.

People here need to get down off their bloody high horses and think about the fact that a family could lose everything before they even know about it.

No, the OP shouldn’t have found out in the way she did, but now that she has, do people really think that the SIL shouldn’t be made aware in case she doesn’t know?

And again, if this was an affair, the majority of people here would say that they would want to know and that the person who knew had no right to keep the information to themselves.

So why not this?

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 02/09/2021 22:18

Op, was your BIL a sole trader ? So he could file for bankruptcy in his name if he was in a failed business as he would have been personally liable fir any debts (at least that's my understanding) which would be a very different kettle of fish to filing for personal bankruptcy due to reckless spending/gambling/whatever. There have been enough threads on MN over the years from women whose husbands have racked up massive debts without their knowledge to show it's very common. My BIL nearly got declared bankrupt simply because he was ridiculously bad with money despite living at home at the time.

GnomeDePlume · 02/09/2021 22:18

I wouldn't say anything at the moment. My only concern would be if other family members were being asked to lend them money to sort out a 'temporary' cash flow problem.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 02/09/2021 22:19

Amen @HeartsAndClubs. Glad to see someone else sees the bigger picture

EmbarrassingMama · 02/09/2021 22:20

Can you get all your friends and family together and reveal it as part of a surprise west-end style single woman show? It could be like a gender reveal party - you could have a cake made up to look like a £50 note but when you cut into it the sponge is coloured red to represent his financial failings.

If that sounds a bit much you could do nothing and say nothing like an ordinary human.