DH charged me for Steak...but I'm a Veggie!

[atleastthepoochlovesme]

Not irate/upset/annoyed but just wanted to see how others would feel if it were them...

DH is a lovely guy but has his quirks (don't we all). For context, we split the household bills and big purchases 50/50 so he transfers the money into my account on the 1st of each month. For anything else, we just buy what we want/need out of our own money.

A few weeks ago, DH and I had some beauty treatments by a self-employed beautician who has a beauty room at home but is also mobile. I've only visited her a handful of times before, so we're friendly, but not friends. Before we left, she was telling us about other treatments she does, so DH and I booked in for a massage at our home (DH said he would pay as a treat) which took place a couple of days ago. As we were leaving, DH asked her if she liked steak, to which she said yes, so DH told her that he would make a steak dinner for her (DH loves to cook). I thought it was a bit odd offering to make dinner for her when she was coming over to work, but it was a friendly enough gesture by him. Please note this was his gesture, not mine. I would've just given her a tip at the end!

Anyway, the day of the massage arrived; DH went to the butchers and bought the steak. While I was enjoying my massage, he was cooking away in the kitchen. Beautician ate and enjoyed the steak and DH was loving the compliments.

Yesterday morning, 1st of the month, direct debits due, I checked my bank account and found that DH had transferred £20 less than he should have. When I asked him why, he told me, "for the steak!" I wouldn't have minded but I'm a vegetarian so I don't even eat bloody steak!

Yes, he paid for my massage...thought it was a treat, but it cost me £20 in the end. Still a bargain I suppose! What would you think?

@GintyMcGinty yeah, I couldn't be doing with that invoicing for day to day living either. Absolute craziness! That's why we don't...

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand correct me please if I'm misunderstanding something here. Your set up is the same as my set up except we don't have the shared pot. In which case, you're right, you are not kept. I wasn't being specific to you with my comment.

@atleastthepoochlovesme Coming in late here, and don't have time to read 500+ posts, but this is not a marriage I would want to be in.

You can LOL and PMSL and 'belly laugh' all you like, at peoples posts with their negative opinions on your marriage, but I don't envy your marriage or your life at all. And I feel sorry for you because you are living it and thinking your DH's behaviour, and this whole situation is OK, and somehow 'hilarious.'

And your DH does NOT sound like a 'lovely guy.' I'd have binned off any man like him YEARS ago, and I certainly would not have married him.

Also, yep you can deny it, but your DH fancies this woman...

[quote atleastthepoochlovesme]@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand correct me please if I'm misunderstanding something here. Your set up is the same as my set up except we don't have the shared pot. In which case, you're right, you are not kept. I wasn't being specific to you with my comment.[/quote]
Our set up is definitely not like yours - the only similarity is that we both earn money. The point is that we have never counted how much each person spends, and we certainly never 'owe' each other money.

We have each earned differing amounts while we've been together, and that's never affected the arrangement. The main thing for us is that each of us has equal access to money for essentials and for fun. We aim for having roughly 50% of our savings in each person's name, but this isn't something we measure to the penny, or even to the £100.

I have no idea if holidays are split exactly 50/50, because we don't count. I have no idea whether my spend on clothes from the joint account is more than DH's because we don't count. I have no idea whether DH's outings with friends paid from the joint account cost more than mine because we don't count.

@MyPatronusIsACat thank god you wouldn't want to be in my marriage! Would cost me a fortune in steak!

Hope the masseuse didn't get a meat sweat on when she did your husband. Euuw.

[quote atleastthepoochlovesme]@MyPatronusIsACat thank god you wouldn't want to be in my marriage! Would cost me a fortune in steak![/quote]
great reply

Op did you tell hubby you posted this?

There’s a huge amount of weirdness here..,

Do you get more points for making it into MN Classics or The Daily Fail, OP? Bro?

For example, if DH happens to buy something relatively inexpensive from his personal account rather than the joint account (e.g. because that was the bank card he happened to have on him), he wouldn't charge me for half of it, or move money out of the joint account for it. And I wouldn't either.

In fact, it wouldn't even register with him at all. It would be non-event.

Him offering to cook your beautician a steak is totally odd behaviour. Charging you is also super weird.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand so, DH and I go 50/50 on mortgage, council tax, utilities. He transfers his share of that into my account as the direct debits come from my account.
When we have a holiday, we share the cost of flights and hotel. We take however much spending money we want, pool it together and spend it on food, drinks, excursions etc.

Everything else; food, fun, petrol, birthdays, Christmas, so on and so forth is not split. He buys stuff with his money and I buy stuff with mine. We don't keep receipts or calculate who's spent what and who owes something...other than this steak incident, hence my posting in the first place.

It doesn't sound to different to me other than we don't spend from a joint account.

Well.....

I think this is one of the strangest threads I’ve read on MN. On so many levels.

Who lives like this?

Odd that he cooked the therapist a steak and odd that you have joint accounts and are messing around with splitting money.

@messybun101 no I haven't told him. I think if he read some of the negative and judgy comments about his character, he'd be quite upset about. And I would feel the same because so many opinions are way off mark. But it's hard to make an accurate judgement on someone from a couple of paragraphs. Hence my laughter.
This isn't about me proving a point to him in any way, neither is it to make him feel bad for making a kind but very odd gesture.

@earthyfire we don't have a joint account.

It doesn't sound to different to me other than we don't spend from a joint account.

Your DH adjusts what he pays for bills to take account of £20 worth of meat from the butcher. It's a million miles away.

It that works for you - fine. But it's not the same.

Anyway, like I said. If you're happy with the financial set-up and with him cooking the masseuse a steak, then whether or not you're a veggie makes no difference. The steak for the masseuse was a shared expense, so if you'd normally expect to adjust for those, then he was right to adjust.

If you bought a sea bass for the gardener, I assume he'd pay half of that too, even if he wasn't keen on fish himself?

Gosh. I’ve never ever spent £40 on meat for anyone; not DH nor a beloved friend or family member... cannot get my head around a £40 steak for someone who came to provide a paid service.

Seriously, seriously creepy!

The absolute worst bit is the microwave tbh...

Cooking an expensive cut of meat, then letting it go cold and reheating it in the microwave. Just no.

If I was a mobile masseuse / beautician just going about doing my job and a client asked me if I liked steak and then made a hoo haa about me eating this while I was there, I’d steer well clear. It’s just so odd. Is he elderly?

Also, him “charging” you for this steak or whatever. What mentality is this within a marriage? Life is too short for all this “my” money “your” money malarkey. If all goes the same way in the end, no doubt. What’s the actual point?

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand it was once. And this is not defending him. Your original comment was about you not being kept. And I agreed that you are not being kept, because other than this one incident and that we don't have a joint account, it still sounds the same to me.

I wouldn't buy the gardener Seabass because I'm Vegetarian. But I might fry up the weeds he'd pull out and serve it up on a pretty plate!

[quote atleastthepoochlovesme]**@ChequerBoard* still can't see anywhere in my post saying I was worrying* about it. I only queried why the set monthly figure (and agreed by both parties) was £20 short. Shoot me for asking a question! If it helps, my response to him was, "Ok."
Seems like you're worrying about it more than me. I'll slip you a £20 if you come over for a steak and massage!
[/quote]

On what planet does querying that your pot is £20 short equate to not worrying about £20??

You started this whole bizarre thread about that measly £20 and now you're saying it wasn't about that it's about morals??

Hope you're happy with your DM byline.

Buy some knickers, expensive ones, ask DH for half, and tell him he will get to look at the knickers, like you got to look at the steak, oh and remind him your treating him.

@ChequerBoard I'm worried about you. You sound highly strung. I think a massage followed by a nice bit of steak would do you good.

@Bollindger Yes!!! 🤣🤣