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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH charged me for Steak...but I'm a Veggie!

791 replies

atleastthepoochlovesme · 02/09/2021 20:04

Not irate/upset/annoyed but just wanted to see how others would feel if it were them...

DH is a lovely guy but has his quirks (don't we all). For context, we split the household bills and big purchases 50/50 so he transfers the money into my account on the 1st of each month. For anything else, we just buy what we want/need out of our own money.

A few weeks ago, DH and I had some beauty treatments by a self-employed beautician who has a beauty room at home but is also mobile. I've only visited her a handful of times before, so we're friendly, but not friends. Before we left, she was telling us about other treatments she does, so DH and I booked in for a massage at our home (DH said he would pay as a treat) which took place a couple of days ago. As we were leaving, DH asked her if she liked steak, to which she said yes, so DH told her that he would make a steak dinner for her (DH loves to cook). I thought it was a bit odd offering to make dinner for her when she was coming over to work, but it was a friendly enough gesture by him. Please note this was his gesture, not mine. I would've just given her a tip at the end!

Anyway, the day of the massage arrived; DH went to the butchers and bought the steak. While I was enjoying my massage, he was cooking away in the kitchen. Beautician ate and enjoyed the steak and DH was loving the compliments.

Yesterday morning, 1st of the month, direct debits due, I checked my bank account and found that DH had transferred £20 less than he should have. When I asked him why, he told me, "for the steak!" I wouldn't have minded but I'm a vegetarian so I don't even eat bloody steak!

Yes, he paid for my massage...thought it was a treat, but it cost me £20 in the end. Still a bargain I suppose! What would you think?

OP posts:
KillerFlamingo · 03/09/2021 00:35

The finances and the general setup is beyond weird in this story but the steak prices are cheap in my opinion!

Toria84 · 03/09/2021 00:36

Is your DH new to massages? Does he think you’re all in a polygamous relationship now she’s touched you both?!

Hahahahaha!!! 😂

nonotmenotI · 03/09/2021 00:41

Wtf have I just read

whynotwhatknot · 03/09/2021 00:46

He cooked her a steak inbetween jobs-must cook the courier a lsagne for next time

Thenose · 03/09/2021 00:48

Okay, I confess that I also think the 'counting up' is a bit bonkers. However, you said you work in finance, he's rubbish with money, you haven't young kids etc, so I can understand it from your point of view.

You're definitely not responsible for the cost of the steak: it was his decision to make it and he didn't get your prior agreement to contribute.

As far as the steak dinner: it's a little ott, but perhaps not as odd as many posters think. It sounds like she was up for it, so maybe he read it right. In a past life, as a mobile hairdresser, loads of people treated me more like a visiting friend than a technician. I was offered food and drink all the time. I wouldn't have eaten dinner, but neither would I have been surprised at the offer.

Dancingonmoonlight · 03/09/2021 00:50

This thread is marvellous. You know when you think your life is going to hell in a handcart then you discover how other people live? And you think 'Nah, we're fine, actually!'

Are you absolutely sure he only received a massage after the steak dinner? Were you there, watching confused?! Sat in your robe?

This.

Paperdove87 · 03/09/2021 00:55

God what if the masseuse actually thought she'd been invited to steak and threesome and is now at home and disappointed that it in fact was just the steak dinner bit. I just can't understand why she accepted!

Also OP I don't think you should've been charged-meal is part of the massage treat to me.

SarahOsborne · 03/09/2021 01:00

I visited the chiropractor today and gave him a cheese roll as a tip

Nat6999 · 03/09/2021 01:03

To me the whole money dynamic is weird. Almost like late dp's mum & her husband, they didn't share any finances & if one went to the shop for the other a receipt had to be given & the correct change down to the last penny. Finances in a marriage should be in one pot & then have your own accounts for individual spending money, not each having to pay half for a specific item such as food, that should come out of the communal pot.

Pregnantmama93 · 03/09/2021 01:05

Wait I am more concerned your husband cooked her a steak and she ate it! So awkward. 😫 why just WHY!? Was it just her eating and you guys watching 😁

WeirdCouncil · 03/09/2021 01:07

OP you've just reminded me: I've got the mobile hairdresser coming in the afternoon. Do you think it'll be ok to do a roast dinner without yorkshires seeing as it isn't Sunday or would he be offended?

Original poster
atleastthepoochlovesme · 03/09/2021 01:10

@KillerFlamingo "general set up?"

@callmeadoctor how many posts now my friend?!

OP posts:
Original poster
atleastthepoochlovesme · 03/09/2021 01:12

@WeirdCouncil whaddya mean no yorkies?! Sunday or not...fling them on!!

@callmeadoctor number count please!

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 03/09/2021 01:47

Finances in a marriage should be in one pot & then have your own accounts for individual spending money

Should they? Says who, @Nat6999? Is it the law?

How about you do you, & let other people do them?

Blondiney · 03/09/2021 02:34

Are you The Speakmans?

BritWifeInUSA · 03/09/2021 03:08

The 20 quid is the least of the issues here. Cooking a dinner for someone who provided a professional service, “charging” each other for food, and counting every penny that each has spent on this and that… doesn’t sound much like a marriage.

Nat6999 · 03/09/2021 03:18

Chargingbuck My parents always put all their wages in the pot & then when my mum who was in charge of the money had worked out what was left they split it in to savings & spending money that they each had, there was none of the "you had X so you need to pay for it" same as me & my late dp, we put whatever we had coming in together, worked out what needed paying & then shared the rest out as personal money. If you are living together either married or just in a relationship you should share everything including household finances whether you put it all in the pot or each of you pays a portion of the bills.

Frambuesa · 03/09/2021 03:23

Thank you so much for this post! I am 24 weeks pregnant with covid and having a fucking shit week looking after my 4 year old who also has covid, and now I'm sitting here at 3am crying my eyes out partly from exhaustion, but mainly because it's the first thing that has made me laugh in so long. Also hormones. I really needed that!

arcof · 03/09/2021 03:37

OP I am with you on the financial arrangement, you see on here all the women who are left with nothing when the man bails / can't leave because they are so interdependent financially with their other half yet still people find it odd to maintain your own cash, savings, investments, split the big bills and keep your own money for yourself. It's actually really smart. And it doesn't mean counting every Penny, far from it, which is why it's weird he deducted £20 for steak but men have done weirder things so I for one would laugh at it as he sounds lovely!! Count me as a supporter!

LoulaJ · 03/09/2021 03:41

@WeirdCouncil

OP you've just reminded me: I've got the mobile hairdresser coming in the afternoon. Do you think it'll be ok to do a roast dinner without yorkshires seeing as it isn't Sunday or would he be offended?
🤣
Joysexrennovator · 03/09/2021 04:00

Are you in Royston Vasey?

PluggingAway · 03/09/2021 04:14

Ok, I'm a bit late to the party and I can see things have gotten sidetracked because everyone is, quite rightly, freaked out by the idea of your DH cooking a steak dinner for the masseuse.

However, in answer to your original AIBU - no, YANBU. Under the circumstances you describe, it's wrong of your DH to dock his contribution to the household bills in order to cover some expensive steaks that were his own idea and that you did not partake in. In fact, I would go as far as to label him a CF.

Judgement made. Bangs gavel NEXT!

messybun101 · 03/09/2021 04:29

Amazing thread. 34 weeks pregnant and it's testing my pelvic floor. Much appreciated op and husband. Off to re-read snapped and farted again to end the night

Please update with his thoughts on the replies

Incredible

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 03/09/2021 04:56

Cooking for the massage therapist is weird enough, but paying £40 for a steak? Are you sure it wasn't the entire cow???

SuperhumanTouch · 03/09/2021 05:19

Either you're married to my ex, or there are a breed of these men? It is the kind of bat-shittery I was subjected to when I was young and naive by a man who was/is still a bit of a ladies man and needs approval - especially from women. He and his wife now live in Greater London and she works in finance; he's deluded, totally out of touch with reality and very bad with money, but they seem happy enough together which is a relief. The beautician seems to get where he's coming from anyway! But as for the £20 on steak? hmmm 🤔